Ariadne Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 I met the most beautiful, passionate and caring women that I had ever known. I fell in love with her quickly and she with me... a 5 year old daughter who I adore I can't see myself not being able to tuck her in at night and read her bedtime story. Wow, that sucks. But not uncommon. Most relationships don't work out, and the mother keeps the children. Well, if you stay around you'll still have your daughter plenty. And if your wife made that decision, she must have been treating you not very lovingly anyway.
Author distraught_husband Posted January 26, 2009 Author Posted January 26, 2009 Well guys it has been almost twenty days since my OP, and I have to say that it doesn't get easier, well not yet anyway. More information has come to light and now even though see didn't admit to cheating 4 weeks ago there has been some new revelations. I found out via her phone (text messages) that in fact the evidence I had prior (the positive semen test) was for real. I know shouldn't doubt the test because it is 100% effective but I think that the problem was not wanting to believe it. Anyway, I had two people who she could be seeing and I found out this weekend that one of them is it. One of the text read From my wife to the OM: " Did you miss me this morning". Reply: "ALWAYS!!!!" Message from my wife: "Too bad you are riding to the airport with "So and so" now I can't call and talk dirty to you. :)" I confronted her and she told me that yes they flirt and yes a year ago that they kissed at the convention in New Orleans. She swore up and down that they had never slept together, and I basically told her she was a liar, the semen test proves it. In her words the test was wrong, I don't think so. Well the kicker is that she is now begging me not to say anything to anyone at her work because she will loose her job, this tells me that there was more than just a kiss. The OM is the VP of Business Development at her job and is working out of the Flordia office. He comes to town about two or three time a month for two or three days. The F'd up thing is that this man was my wifes boss at one time and when he first became her boss he took me and my wife out to dinner for a get to know you type of thing. Me and my wife are 35 and this guy is about 52 to 55 and married. So like I said she is now begging me not to say anything or confront him because she will loose her job. I now I am holding the cards now but I still don't want it to get too ugly for my daughter's sake. Any suggestions friends!!!
Owl Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 I'd say that you've got good 'leverage' to get her to make the changes she needs to make. They say that you shouldn't issue "ultimatums"...but I disagree, as long as you do it correctly. I'd suggest that you sit down and write out all the things that need to happen, all the changes that need to occur, all of your "requirements" to consider reconciliation with her. Make a list. The prioritize it, outline the MUST haves from the WANTS...and then give her the final list. Tell her that this is her roadmap back home. Anything less means she's not serious about recovering and rebuilding your marriage. Top of the list would be changing jobs so that no further contact with OM could possibly happen. If she refuses...confront OM with your 'proof'. OR...take your proof to their HR department and let them handle it from there.
Author distraught_husband Posted January 26, 2009 Author Posted January 26, 2009 The thing is Owl, that she has no intentions of reconciling and at this point I do not either, don't get me wrong I love my wife with all my heart but infidelity is a definate deal breaker for me. Even though I hold the cards she is still begging me not to show them. What I have going on in my head is, why should I be the nice guy here when all I have been was the nice guy. She betrayed me, the OM betrayed me and now all I have on mind is revenge. I know that is not the right way to think but right I can't help it. It is like a recording just playing back over and over in my head. I haven't slept but 3 or 4 hours in the last 3 days and I feel like crap. Because of the money situation now, we are still in the same house but sleeping apart, my 5 year old daughter is oblivious to the goings on and I know we have to tell her soon but I want to try and do it when I have a cooler head. I no I am rambling at this point but I guess I am trying to get it all out while I can still think straight.
Ariadne Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Well, It's not the end of the world. It means that things have changed, and that now you'll be single but still have your daughter. Maybe you'll be happier that way. You never know what's going to happen, just go with the flow of things in the easiest way.
Owl Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Well, there are no "requirements" that mean you have to do ANYTHING at this point. But...it would be foolish to do anything drastic that has no positive benefits for you as an outcome. What would telling her employer, or confronting the OM gain you? It might make you feel better short term, but the odds are that it will create a lot of anger and hostility between the two of you that will impact you daughter down the road...it will impact how you and your ex will interact, and that will be seen by your daughter. I'm not saying accept her affair...all I'm saying is do NOTHING without a well-thought idea of what all the impacts will be, and you know that it's in your betst interests...and in your daughter's best interests.
imagine Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 I am glad you are back. This matter has to be properly reported to the company. There is obviously a company breech. There may well be another OMW that has to be told. Do not say anything to your wife. I would examine suspect agents very quietly. This business has nothing to do with WW right now. This is about protecting ethics in business. Any consequence that occur to your wife and OM is a direct consequence of their actions. Sadly, OMW will be affected. Resolve to let everybody know about the action. First your kid. Don't forget to explain the severity of the problem. Try not knock mom. Express the poorness of choice of her decision. Remember this always, a WW always lies. You can only check output. And really, I do hope that you've gone to check the articles at MB. You must still check out recovery, why a women leaves a man, etc.
Bryanp Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Please do the following: 1. If you have not yet, contact an attorney and understand all of your legal options and how to protect yourself. 2. Get your wife and yourself immediately tested for STD's. 3. Contact the OM's wife and expose the affair to her. I wish you luck.
EnigmaXOXO Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 If either of them were as concerned about risking their jobs as they were with risking their families and marriages, then they’d have never been willing to take the gamble in the first place. Given your situation, I personally feel you owe them no favors. However, I worry about the potential financial consequences to you should your wife become unemployed before the ink is dry on the divorce papers. Depending on how long you’ve been married and the laws in your state, you might find yourself paying spousal support in that event even if you manage to gain custodianship of your daughter and avoid child support. I know how hard it is to try and plan five moves ahead when you’re motivated by emotion. But if there was ever a time to think clearly, prepare and protect yourself against any and all possible outcomes... that time is now. You can better understand the consequences of doing otherwise by using the reckless example these other two have set. Somehow, I think you’re a lot smarter than the both of them put together.
hunkahunkaburninlove Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Hi dh, If she is so intent on you not telling her work or the OM's wife, its simple. You want custody of your daughter. That's it. If not, I would burn her down. And this VP. This is not revenge. It's justice.
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