4givrnt4gtr Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Ok so, first off, I know facebook is the devil incarnated. But let me ask anyway. So, the guy im dating broke up with his ex of 5 years earlier last year. Obviously they had a lot of memories together, went everywhere and the girl was a picture maniac. Anyway, so she posted all these pictures as expected, on facebook. However, she never took them down after they broke up. Even though she is dating someone else. So bassically if you look at his page, there are a bunch of pictures of them together (because she tagged him on them so they would show up in his page as well as hers). Now, its kinda awkward for me when I see these pictures. Its like although they are broken up, somehow there's still some holding on. I cant really blame it on him cuz its her pictures. (I dont know why in the world would you keep pictures like that posted up still...but whatever). Though I can ask him to untagged himself from them. However im kinda not sure I would like to do that since besides her pictures there are also pictures of his friends (i guess they shared friends). I dont know, my question is, is it out of line for me to ask him to untagged himself out of those pictures? Or should I just not even bother with it. ( I know he is over it, so it really doesnt matter). I hate facebook and in a way i think all this is silly but still, it just looks weird to me to date someone who has pictures hugging someone else for the world to see...eeekkk
sand26 Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Well, since you can't find the right question, here are some options: Are you frequently jealous? How is the relationship affected by his facebook account? Do you love him, or just want to possess someone? Do you have a control issue? Are you abusive? Do you respect his personal boundaries? Do you respect his past and understand that he has loved before you? Do you obsess over all your friends exes and facebook pages? Are you comparing yourself unfairly to his past? Do you want to chase him away? WHY DOES IT MATTER? To me it sounds like you are searching for things to be offended about. This is not a real problem. good luck, VK
confused_2008 Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 I just want to add to this thread that I deactivated my facebook account the other day and it feels amazing. No wondering about what the girl I am still hung up on is doing, no feeling like my page needs to make me look interesting. None of it. Facebook, IMO, is such worthless communication. Anybody I really care about talking to right now I can call on the phone or talk to face to face. It might be different when I'm out of college, but for now, it feels like one big popularity contest and I'm glad to have my privacy back and not have the ability to creep on people I don't really know that well. It gives you a false sense of knowing somebody and it feels so empty to me. Phew, that feels good. I say dump it, but a lot of people really have a use for facebook.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted January 8, 2009 Author Posted January 8, 2009 Are you frequently jealous? Not really, im not the jealous type, but ive never seen someone date someone else and still have pictures of their exes for display. Actually what brought it to my attention was that a friend of mine said that if she didnt know I was dating him, she would think he was still with her. How is the relationship affected by his facebook account? Honestly, it kinda looks like one of the is not over it... Do you love him, or just want to possess someone? Neither, we just started dating a month ago...not enough to "love" someone. And im not in the possessing business. Do you have a control issue? Unfortunately, I think I might have, but mostly because I let someone control me before Are you abusive? hahahaha Do you respect his personal boundaries? Im not sure how me not liking to see pictures of him hugging and holding someone else has to do with his personal boundaries. Honestly I feel that if he feels he cant let go of those pictures, he isnt over it, and thats not ok with me. But as I said, I dont think (i hope anyway) thats the situation. Do you respect his past and understand that he has loved before you? Ofcourse I do, as I have my own past as well, but the past is in the past. I dont have pictures of my ex all over my page or my room. I feel thats disrespectful to the person Im dating now. Again, its like im holding onto that memory. Do you obsess over all your friends exes and facebook pages? My friend's exes?? why would I care about my friend's exes? But if you mean the person Im dating exs? no I dont, unless it seems like there is something lurking underneath or the possibility of either one of them not being over the relationship. Are you comparing yourself unfairly to his past? Maybe so, I guess seeing those pictures kinda makes it obvious how much they cared about each other. makes me wonder how does that affect our relationship right now. Do you want to chase him away? Well, I will not demand him to take them down. But i may let him know its uncomfortable for me to see pictures of him kissing or hugging someone else. granted, you better believe i wont be going that far when looking at pictures of him. If he is chased away by that...well, im not losing much.
sand26 Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 ok. well, i think you should just stop looking at the pictures. I have dated people who have photos all over the house of their exes, I have never given a damn, what does it have to do with me? You sound like you are trying to control him a little, or at least change him. I used to do this a little, then my friend gave me an awesome analogy: It's like walking into a cookie store and ordering an oatmeal, raisin, chocolate chip cookie...but without the raisin or chocolate chip. Why not just order an oatmeal cookie in the first place. If you want a dude that would be as aware of this sort of thing and rectify it immediately than go out and find THAT "cookie". Otherwise suck it up and eat your raisins.... seriously hope you survive VK
Ria10 Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Don't even say anything to him about the pictures, because you might win the battle but lose the war. I understand how you feel, but try not think about it. He's with you now. That's what counts. I once threw away a picture of my boyfriend with his ex. Later I regretted it... And I still regret it to this day, because his past is part of him. And as I grew to love him more and more, I started to love the past that had shaped him into the man that he is today. Better not to push the issue to much... if he's still holding on to part of his past, you can't force that process. Rather than removing the tags of him with his ex, just take a million new pictures of the two of you together and plaster them all over Facebook.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted January 8, 2009 Author Posted January 8, 2009 ekk! i wish i had read this before I texted him. Actually I had read sand's response and I do see your point...Im not necessarily pissed about it...just a bit concerned that I might be missing a red flag here. In any case, I texted him, literally "you look cute in your FB pictures...except where you're hugging someone else...ouch! my eyes!!! ;)" I then sent another text saying that I was messing with him except in the part where he looks cute....Funny thing is that I knew him when he had that girlfriend (coincidentally i know her as well) and he was so so so so hot with his ruffled curly hair. (he cut it for traveling ease, plus she didnt like it grrr) I mentioned that in the last text... Hopefully it would take the sting out of it? For some reason I just had to say something about it, even if it was jokingly.... As a said, i dont really care, but I just wanted to make sure I wasnt being naive and missing some huge red flag or something. And honestly I kinda want to know what he say about it as well...
lightning spades Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 haha, you should just let it go. it's no big deal, that's not a red flag. you have no idea the kind of shenanigans my friends get into when they try to abuse the facebook photo feature.
prettybaby Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 I refuse to even look at Facebook. Guys actually seem to appreciate the fact that I don't give a whoop about what happens on there. So many headaches over such little things!
lightning spades Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 haha i don't use facebook much either. it's much more fun to have conversations in real life.
LovieDove24 Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Ahh, yes facebook and myspace, the devils incarnate. I don't think suggesting to untag all those pictures is the right thing to do. Not only will it probably be tedious and time consuming for him to do, it will make you come off as insecure. And one month into the relationship is too soon to do that. I actually ran into the same problem about one week ago. The guy I am seeing has a child with his ex (they never married) and they broke up about 2 years ago. We have only been dating for a little over a month so we have not discussed the "ex" details yet and I have no idea how things ended for them. Anyways, I was showing my mom pictures of him on his myspace account and she says "So have you snooped on his ex yet?" Until that point I hadn't even thought of it but of course this planted the seed and I went ahead and checked her out. There were so many cute pictures on her profile of them together with their little boy...and let me just say she is gorgeous! Also I went overboard and checked on the "comments history" and found little "I love you's" all over her wall from him. Even though it was from two years ago, I started feeling very insecure but it was all b/c of my own doing. After about a days worth of convincing myself that he wasnt actually WITH her, I felt much better. Lol Hope this helps.
bean1 Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 My boyfriend is an amateur photographer and has a hard drive of photos dating back 8 years (long before we met). His ex girlfriends are in plenty of the older photographs, including one serious former relationship that almost led to marriage. Unlike your boyfriend, he DOES have access to those photos and I have never once asked him to delete them. Why? Because that is a part of his past, I am the woman NOW, and I have nothing to worry about. There are photos of myself and an ex together on mutual friend's facebook that exist as well. Looking at those pictures and asking him to untag them appears insecure. If she was so great, then why is he with you now? Because he cares about YOU. There's no need to erase the past.
openbook08 Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 I just want to add to this thread that I deactivated my facebook account the other day and it feels amazing. No wondering about what the girl I am still hung up on is doing, no feeling like my page needs to make me look interesting. None of it. Facebook, IMO, is such worthless communication. Anybody I really care about talking to right now I can call on the phone or talk to face to face. It might be different when I'm out of college, but for now, it feels like one big popularity contest and I'm glad to have my privacy back and not have the ability to creep on people I don't really know that well. It gives you a false sense of knowing somebody and it feels so empty to me. Phew, that feels good. I say dump it, but a lot of people really have a use for facebook. welcome to the club! ahh...breaths sigh of relief
Recommended Posts