marlena Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 but that isn't me now. Maybe I can have that luxury later on sometime, but right now that isn't me. Hold onto this nugget of wisdom. but MAYBE something might come sooner than that. Yes, one never knows how one's life can change from one minute to the next. 'Til then, you are right to focus on your grades and just being yourself.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 I think the best advice here is for me to be patient and have some hope. That's also the best therapy. I mean, part of me wants to be that guy who gets a lot of attention from beautiful girls and can date around, but that isn't me now. Maybe I can have that luxury later on sometime, but right now that isn't me. I think I'll do my best to forget about the fact that I'm in college and this is apparently the best time of my life to meet girls. I have some other things to think about anyway (like better grades). I'll do my best to have faith that things will improve after college, but MAYBE something might come sooner than that. Kashmir, I didn't get that much attention in college. I always felt like I was invisible to men. Occasionally a really hot guy would ask me out, and I would be so surprised I wouldn't know what to do. I will never forget sitting on this guy's couch that I liked and he told me, you know Cherry Blossom, I hope you're not here thinking something is going to happen between us, because it isn't. You're too fat for me. Mind you, I looked like a normal girl, was a size 6-8, but people were thinner back then as compared to now. Can you imagine how I felt? I didn't start to really attract men until I moved to the East Coast at age 25 and grew my hair out longer. I am 36 and I get more attention now than I ever have in my life. Moral of the story? College isn't necessarily where you will meet the most women and have the most bangin' sex life. Also, your personality will grow with life experiences, and that will make you a more interesting person, and will give you confidence with women. The key is to keep yourself out there, in social situations. Have you ever taken a public speaking class? I had a job early on that involved public speaking and I think that really changed how I thought of myself and how I related to other people. Huge confidence booster after I got over the initial fear. Don't let the AS diagnosis limit how you feel about YOURSELF. Use it to examine where you may need help, but don't let it define you. I feel like you are on a tightrope with this one. I can see you trying to learn from it, and to help you figure yourself out, but I also see you allowing it to define who you are and how people relate to you. Women don't have a big girl network, and not everyone is out to get you. That does sound paranoid. So attack that thinking. Have you ever had cognitive therapy? They teach you how to "talk back" to your thoughts. You need to be able to see girls as individuals, not as one big giant entity. They are all different, and if you go into social situations thinking some of the thoughts that you've written here, then that will only hinder you. The confident guy knows he's a great catch, and if one woman doesn't see that, he doesn't dwell on that. He moves on to the next one. The insecure guy dwells. He thinks, why do they all think I'm a loser? It's not fair. All women are -----------(fill in the blank). You will be fine, just keep getting out there and working on your self perception. Also, what are you doing to make yourself an interesting person? What are you doing with your life that makes you attractive to the opposite sex? One more thing- it is so important that you pay attention to other people and have a genuine interest in what they have to say. I could be talking to Brad Pitt and if his eyes are wandering, and he isn't listening to me, only thinking of what he's going to say next, I will be very turned off.
Trialbyfire Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 Don't let the AS diagnosis limit how you feel about YOURSELF. Use it to examine where you may need help, but don't let it define you. I feel like you are on a tightrope with this one. I can see you trying to learn from it, and to help you figure yourself out, but I also see you allowing it to define who you are and how people relate to you. I agree with this although it sometimes helps to let people know what to expect. As for CBT, it's considered a good technique for Aspies, learning to manage input to reaction. For that matter, CBT is considered a good therapy technique for all kinds of reasons.
Isolde Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 CB35, I had the SAME thing happen to me in college! A pretty good looking guy asked me out and I couldn't believe he actually found me attractive. The chemistry wasn't too great and I wasn't overly into him, and things fizzled out, but he still looked at me longingly from across the room often. LOL. K, I totally understand what it's like to be young and impatient. People with fewer experiences often feel trapped, in a way, because they don't have anything to fall back on in terms of contrast. And since everything is relative, its nearly impossible to know what you want/need when you've never had a LTR. It's kinda like how being nervous about a tough class coming up can be worse than actually doing the work for the class. In the latter situation, at least you have the power to make informed choices. It doesn't help that I attract shy guys who aren't good communicators about what they want and how they feel. The truth is, I don't enjoy dating. I've made the decision that I'd rather make friends first and find guys I respect, even if it means I have to go months without being kissed, let alone having sex. :/ *shrugs*
Author kashmir Posted January 11, 2009 Author Posted January 11, 2009 CB, I can't believe that guy said that to you, let alone that he had such a shallow attitude towards women. What an ass. I really haven't defined myself by AS that much. As I've said, I usually forget all about it. I'll continue to have the same attitude. Isolde, from your posts you've always sounded so sweet and shy. If I met a girl like you that would intrigue me a lot.
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