Tomcat33 Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 Does anyone have any experience or knowledge with dating with a condition like mine? I feel like no matter what I do I have this invisible barrier around me that repels girls. I just feel like there's something subconscious in a girl's mind that finds my Asperger's unattractive no matter what. When you focus too much on one aspect of yourself, whatever that weakness might be, your aura of discontent with yourself supercedes the imperfection you are trying to hide. Let me reword that incase it came out to convoluted: the more you try to hide this "imperfection" you feel you have the more attention you will draw towards it. WE ALL do that no matter what that imperfection is percieved to be. Having a mental illness is out of your control your only choice is to embrace it and accept that this is a part of who you are but it is not ALL of who you are. When you start focusing on the other aspects of what makes up Kashmir you will gain some confidence back and all the things aboout you that attract women will shine through, they won't be masked by some cloud of discontent. I want to dispell a myth for you though, shy or not ALL men think dating is hard the more arrogant ones will tell you otherwise but dating is hard for everyone. NO ONE thinks dating is easy, it's a lie that if you were more outgoing dating would be better for you, if you were more outgoing you would find something else to focus on that you feel keeps you back from finding love. You are young you have a lot of time ahead of yourself, and I know you prob hate to hear that but the point I am getting as is to be patient and use this down time to accept and actually like yourself. Being in a relationship is not the end all be all that says you are special, you ARE special you just need to figure it out. It's mind over matter, don't feed into your depression cleanse your mind of negative thoughts and help yourself get out of the viscious circle. Sure you can't cure your disease on your own but you can help from contributing to it getting worse.
Touche Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 Listen I just wanted to say that you should not worry about the uninformed ones on here who make blanket statements and judge you so quickly. Just look at the source. That's all I'll say. Guarantee you that when you reach some of your critic's ages here, you'll be way more together than they are. You're perfectly normal from what I've seen, for your age. Don't worry about it. Also, just curious but have you gotten a 2nd or even 3rd opinion regarding the issues you've been diagnosed with? It concerns me that you've let some mental health professional define who you are. At least you're not letting the "know-it-alls" on here define you.
TwilightSky Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 kashmir, I just want to say that I'm not going to judge your situation/viewpoint People do way too much judging and not enough introspection. Too many inflated egos running around... Anyway, I understand about your prior shyness with girls. I used to be like that, but I am getting much more confident in talking to them. In one of your posts in this thread, you said that some girls are interested until you start talking to them. This could be due to your facial expressions, other body language, or some "vibe" they are reading off of you. And its good you have become better at talking to them. Also, keep in mind someone with AS can learn social skills, they just learn in a different way when it comes to social situations.
Author kashmir Posted January 9, 2009 Author Posted January 9, 2009 Thanks for all the replies. I don't have time to respond now but I will later.
lino Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 Listen I just wanted to say that you should not worry about the uninformed ones on here who make blanket statements and judge you so quickly... ...At least you're not letting the "know-it-alls" on here define you. I second that. OP I've read a few of your topics and you seem like a decent bloke. Unfortunately that isn't enough to get a girlfriend, I know that very well myself! I don't know anything about mental health but I hope things start to work out for you
Author kashmir Posted January 10, 2009 Author Posted January 10, 2009 OK, now tell me how you feel with your female friend and male friend. Examine the feelings which bond you to them. Many will be similar but some are different. What is it about your female friend which inspires different feelings than you might have for another woman, a woman you wish to date? The answers may seem obvious, but they're really not. Everything you need is right inside you. You just have to discover it I suppose the male friends have Kashmir, I don't think you come across as solely vitriolic. You're 19 and you have all these issues to deal with, but the main tone that strikes me in your posts is not anger but curiosity. I don't have AS, but I'm fairly naive socially, so many of your questions are mine as well. I went on a few dates with a guy who *may* have had a condition similar to yours. I liked him; he seemed like a genuinely nice guy. Empathy is not the same as being a good person. It helps people be better, sure, but it is not who you are. Like D-Lish said, it's learnable. I strongly suspect my last boyfriend has Asperger's. I only figured this out toward the end of our relationship, though. He said an ex who worked with autistic kids and kids with Asperger's even said he had some of the symptoms. He was sometimes extremely literal, seemed to lack empathy, avoided eye contact, would deliver long and eloquent monologues without pause, and many other things. He said he would see a counselor about it (and our problems in general), but never went through with it. I really think this had something to do with our problems, and I think he was in denial and afraid to do anything about it. It will probably impact your relationships in the future. If I were you, I would seek counseling. You're a college student, right? There might be a free counseling center on campus that you can visit. There are also support and information forums. Good luck. Knowing that people with my condition have relationships makes me have some hope. I've received lots of counseling over the years. The thing is, though, I really don't have strong characteristics of AS. One doctor who specialized in AS actually said he didn't think I have it, because compared to all his other patients I was much more socially skilled. I know a guy from my high school with evident AS. I saw him in the gym a few weeks ago. I said hello to him and he ended up giving me a 10 minute monologue about his shoes and the science behind them. I don't do anything like that. What I don't want happening (and I think it is) are the really subtle effects of AS, that neither I nor others consciously realize, subconsciously repelling people away from me. That's what I'm talking about when I mention this barrier that's interfering with my social interactions. When you focus too much on one aspect of yourself, whatever that weakness might be, your aura of discontent with yourself supercedes the imperfection you are trying to hide. Let me reword that incase it came out to convoluted: the more you try to hide this "imperfection" you feel you have the more attention you will draw towards it. WE ALL do that no matter what that imperfection is percieved to be. Having a mental illness is out of your control your only choice is to embrace it and accept that this is a part of who you are but it is not ALL of who you are. When you start focusing on the other aspects of what makes up Kashmir you will gain some confidence back and all the things aboout you that attract women will shine through, they won't be masked by some cloud of discontent. I want to dispell a myth for you though, shy or not ALL men think dating is hard the more arrogant ones will tell you otherwise but dating is hard for everyone. NO ONE thinks dating is easy, it's a lie that if you were more outgoing dating would be better for you, if you were more outgoing you would find something else to focus on that you feel keeps you back from finding love. You are young you have a lot of time ahead of yourself, and I know you prob hate to hear that but the point I am getting as is to be patient and use this down time to accept and actually like yourself. Being in a relationship is not the end all be all that says you are special, you ARE special you just need to figure it out. It's mind over matter, don't feed into your depression cleanse your mind of negative thoughts and help yourself get out of the viscious circle. Sure you can't cure your disease on your own but you can help from contributing to it getting worse. I agree with you, but the thing is I don't really think about these imperfections much. Hell, the last few months I've been convinced that I don't have AS at all. Now I'm not so sure, but that's beside the point. I know I'm different from a lot of guys and people in general, and I try to embrace those changes, but I can't say that those differences don't sometimes become the source of depression. Sometimes when things go really wrong I feel like an outcast. I feel like it's the world against me. Listen I just wanted to say that you should not worry about the uninformed ones on here who make blanket statements and judge you so quickly. Just look at the source. That's all I'll say. Guarantee you that when you reach some of your critic's ages here, you'll be way more together than they are. You're perfectly normal from what I've seen, for your age. Don't worry about it. Also, just curious but have you gotten a 2nd or even 3rd opinion regarding the issues you've been diagnosed with? It concerns me that you've let some mental health professional define who you are. At least you're not letting the "know-it-alls" on here define you. kashmir, I just want to say that I'm not going to judge your situation/viewpoint People do way too much judging and not enough introspection. Too many inflated egos running around... Anyway, I understand about your prior shyness with girls. I used to be like that, but I am getting much more confident in talking to them. In one of your posts in this thread, you said that some girls are interested until you start talking to them. This could be due to your facial expressions, other body language, or some "vibe" they are reading off of you. And its good you have become better at talking to them. Also, keep in mind someone with AS can learn social skills, they just learn in a different way when it comes to social situations. I second that. OP I've read a few of your topics and you seem like a decent bloke. Unfortunately that isn't enough to get a girlfriend, I know that very well myself! I don't know anything about mental health but I hope things start to work out for you Thanks for all of your support. As I said, I've gotten a lot of opinions about my conditions, and they're all different. Some have said I have AS while others don't agree. Same thing with P-S. Well, some good news...I'm on a trip with a bunch of guys and girls, and there was this one girl that was eyeing me and I was kinda eyeing her back. Didn't get a chance to talk to her and probably won't get much of a chance, but I'll find a way.
Star Gazer Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 Listen I just wanted to say that you should not worry about the uninformed ones on here who make blanket statements and judge you so quickly. Just look at the source. That's all I'll say. Guarantee you that when you reach some of your critic's ages here, you'll be way more together than they are. At least you're not letting the "know-it-alls" on here define you. You're so funny (and transparent)!
Star Gazer Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 All empathy is, is being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes. Not feeling sorry for them, just having some insight what it might be like to be in their situation. It's insight, but it isn't sympathy. Although- having empathy can evoke sympathy and other emotions. Empathy can come naturally for some people, but not for others. So Star may be right to point out that empathy might be playing a role in your interactions with others. You can learn empathy! With regard to your friend that commited suicide... you felt sadness and regret over the loss (feelings that derive from within). Empathy, would be more about seeing the world through his eyes and getting a handle on how he might have been personally affected by the world around him (removing your own filters, judgements and feelings to see the world as another does). I don't know if you have a lack of empathy or even if it's part of your problem- just throwing out the possibility because someone else mentioned it. Empathy can be learned though. It's a matter of training yourself to think about what the other person is experiencing and imagining what it would be like to feel as they do. Empathy is a huge part of forming close bonds with people- and you don't have to have experienced the same situation in order to employ it. You can learn it if you train yourself to think differently. This is EXACTLY what I was referring to. Thanks, D. From what I've observed, Kashmir is very ... "me" focused. I know we all are to a certain extent, but he is much more so than your average person. He hasn't yet figured out how to see the world from someone else's perspective, and instead jumps to conclusions based on his own feelings and judgments. THAT's what I meant when saying his demonstrated lack of empathy might be causing him problems. He insinctly jumps to conclusions about people, rather than sitting back and thinking about why they might be doing/saying what they are. And you're right... it can be learned. Or at least, you can train yourself to think this way.
Sweetcheripie Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 This is EXACTLY what I was referring to. Thanks, D. From what I've observed, Kashmir is very ... "me" focused. I know we all are to a certain extent, but he is much more so than your average person. He hasn't yet figured out how to see the world from someone else's perspective, and instead jumps to conclusions based on his own feelings and judgments. THAT's what I meant when saying his demonstrated lack of empathy might be causing him problems. He insinctly jumps to conclusions about people, rather than sitting back and thinking about why they might be doing/saying what they are. And you're right... it can be learned. Or at least, you can train yourself to think this way. Just pointing out the obvious but I thought you said you were going to stay out of the post. And I really think you saying Kashmir lacks empathy is the pot calling the kettle black. I have read quite a few of your posts lately and you just seem really mean and bitter. Unless someone agrees with you - you become snippy and/or condescending. It is sad. I hope whatever is upsetting you and causing you to be so unpleasant gets better. Kashmir, at your age, you are amazing. Almost all teenagers are self involved and it is ok to be at this stage. You are trying to improve yourself and that is awesome. And I bet you were empathisizing with the young man that died by suicide - the reason for all the tears. You could probably understand that kind of deep depression but you are strong enough to not wallow in that and feel hopeless but try to improve and find away to go on.
Author kashmir Posted January 10, 2009 Author Posted January 10, 2009 I appreciate your opinion SG, but I honestly think you underestimate my capacity for empathy. I can do it pretty well when emotions aren't involved. For example, say I have a conflicting opinion with someone else. While sometimes I might be a jackass about it, I DO understand where the other person is coming from. Like in politics, you think your opinion is the best because it best satisfies YOUR needs and does what YOU think is right based on YOUR perspective. You could be a conservative, but some other person might be a liberal. Neither of you are wrong, you just have different approaches to the same issues. Based on your experiences, observations, cognition, and teachings, you'll argue that a certain solution is better, while the other person will argue the opposite. That's not the kind of empathy you're referring to though, I'm guessing; that's just being fair and understanding. Let me give you an emotional example of empathy. I had this group of girl friends last year. They approached me aggressively and liked me a lot. Long story short, one of them liked me, but I didn't like her back. When I went for another girl instead of her, they started to shun me and break our friendship. I was disappointed at first, but I understood why they did it because I put myself in that girl's shoes. I know I wouldn't hang around with a girl I liked who didn't reciprocate my interest. So while I lost out on their friendship (which did mean a lot to me), I feel as though my actions made that happen. I can't blame them, feel bitter towards them, or call them irrational, because if I was in their place then I would have done the same.
Star Gazer Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 Just pointing out the obvious but I thought you said you were going to stay out of the post. And I really think you saying Kashmir lacks empathy is the pot calling the kettle black. I have read quite a few of your posts lately and you just seem really mean and bitter. Unless someone agrees with you - you become snippy and/or condescending. It is sad. I hope whatever is upsetting you and causing you to be so unpleasant gets better. You're right, I did say that I'd stay out of his threads from this point forward. But seeing as I was attacked by Touche, it seemed only fair to defend why I said what I did. As for being mean and bitter, I'm sorry you feel that way. I may be direct, but I'm hardly mean or bitter. Perhaps you're just misinterpreting my directness? Just as Kashmir in this very thread said that his sarcasm is often misinterpreted as bitterness, perhaps without the "fluff" some will think I'm being "mean." Who knows. All I know is that I honestly cannot think of one part of my life that could use improvement right now (other than of course winning the lottery, but don't we all wish that?!). After a cray-zay horrible 2008, I'm surprised to find myself as happy as I am now. I'm literally at the happiest place I've been in years, and it feels damn good. I'd wish this level of happiness on you, if you were capable of having it. That said, in putting me down you're just as guilty - if not more - of the things you accuse me of. It's a vicious cycle, this negativity you (and another poster in this thread) feed into. I often wonder why you ladies do it? Perhaps you should start a thread about it so we (er, you and others) can focus on Kashmir here? Kashmir, at your age, you are amazing. You are trying to improve yourself and that is awesome. Precisely right. And yet, when I point out an area of improvement - after he specifically asked for advice in that regard - I'm attacked. *shrug*
Author kashmir Posted January 10, 2009 Author Posted January 10, 2009 Carhill, I just realized I didn't completely respond to your post in my long one. My male friends I can relate to better. I feel more comfortable being my weird self around because I trust they'll see it like the joke it is and see the humor in it. My female friends...I'm not sure what makes them special. People tell me girls are more nurturing and understanding, but I honestly have not seen that in them. A lot of them have actually proven to be quite unforgiving, certainly more than males. There's got to be some reason why they're different, though.
mental_traveller Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 I'm 19 years old. I sucked at dating when I was 19 too. IMO your problem is inexperience, not Aspergers.
Star Gazer Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 I appreciate your opinion SG, but I honestly think you underestimate my capacity for empathy. I can do it pretty well when emotions aren't involved. For example, say I have a conflicting opinion with someone else. While sometimes I might be a jackass about it, I DO understand where the other person is coming from. Like in politics, you think your opinion is the best because it best satisfies YOUR needs and does what YOU think is right based on YOUR perspective. You could be a conservative, but some other person might be a liberal. Neither of you are wrong, you just have different approaches to the same issues. Based on your experiences, observations, cognition, and teachings, you'll argue that a certain solution is better, while the other person will argue the opposite. That's not the kind of empathy you're referring to though, I'm guessing; that's just being fair and understanding. Let me give you an emotional example of empathy. I had this group of girl friends last year. They approached me aggressively and liked me a lot. Long story short, one of them liked me, but I didn't like her back. When I went for another girl instead of her, they started to shun me and break our friendship. I was disappointed at first, but I understood why they did it because I put myself in that girl's shoes. I know I wouldn't hang around with a girl I liked who didn't reciprocate my interest. So while I lost out on their friendship (which did mean a lot to me), I feel as though my actions made that happen. I can't blame them, feel bitter towards them, or call them irrational, because if I was in their place then I would have done the same. You're right, I probably did underestimate your ability to empathize. Like I said before, I know a primary "symptom" (for lack of a better word?) of AS is a lack of empathy, along with an ability to read social cues, which ties in with empathy. In order to read a social cue, you'd have to be able to understand why someone was exhibiting that cue. I know I'll likely insult someone here, but many people with AS are almost like robots...or like Joe Black from the movie. It's as if behavior is based on a learned program, as opposed to an ability to relate to another person. Now, from what I HAD read here (and I conceed I haven't read ALL your posts), I saw somewhat of a "robotic" (again, for lack of a better word) response to problems/feelings of others. I knew how YOU felt, but I didn't see you understanding why someone ELSE felt or did what they did. But your example above with the girl makes it clear that you can - and do - have the ability to empathize. Which makes me wonder... do you really have AS? Do you think you read social cues well? Perhaps you're just more...socially naive, and not someone with AS?
Star Gazer Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 My female friends...I'm not sure what makes them special. Don't worry - not many grown men have figured this one out.
underpants Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 So K, I'm just curious. What is it that you hope to achieve with a girl? I do think you are young and intelligent and could develop some talents to mask what resides within and that worries me a little. List your core values that you would contribute to a romantic relationship with a girl. What do you expect in return? What are you looking for and what do you offer? It's a start.
Author kashmir Posted January 10, 2009 Author Posted January 10, 2009 I sucked at dating when I was 19 too. IMO your problem is inexperience, not Aspergers. Then why are there so many others my age with girlfriends and boyfriends, who've probably have had a few years of experience already?
Star Gazer Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 Then why are there so many others my age with girlfriends and boyfriends, who've probably have had a few years of experience already? My BFF didn't have her first boyfriend until she was almost 22. Actually, maybe she was 23. Some of it is luck, some is timing. At your age, not much of it is based on skill. Really.
mental_traveller Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 Then why are there so many others my age with girlfriends and boyfriends, who've probably have had a few years of experience already? I'm not sure, but I assume it's because for whatever reason (personality, upbringing etc) they are more at ease with opposite sex relationships. I am just pointing out that other people without Aspergers or any other "conditions" can also take a while before they get into the swing of dating, therefore you can't conclude it's your condition that is causing you dating problems. There are plenty of 19 year olds who haven't had a relationship or dated. If you were 29 and still having this issue, then I would be inclined to agree with your posts, since even terminally shy people have usually had at least one relationship by that age. But you are 19 so IMO you just need to get out there and keep trying, eventually you will break your duck. You should also ask, are you loading the dice as much in your favour as possible? Do you dress better than almost everyone else your age, are you more au fait with the best places in town to go and party, are you in the best physical condition, are you more interesting to talk to, do you approach far more women than your peers etc. If not, then maybe it would be more productive to work on change in these areas, because they are 90% under your own control, whereas your brain and personality are much harder to change radically.
Touche Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 Great post Cherry. And mental I agree completely. Listen I've seen some 29 and 30 year old's who can't maintain a relationship to save their lives. Don't worry about it. You're still so young. I didn't even have my first real boyfriend until I was 18. I really question the AS thing. Would you consider going for other opinions like I brought up before? And just because you don't agree with another poster and aren't really interested in everything they have to say doesn't make you socially backward! Please don't let anyone make you think that. You're free to pick and choose the advice given. And yes, looking at the source, is wise thing to do around here.
sarayanna Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 My 13 year old son has AS. Similarly as you describe, he struggles socially. Like you seem to be, he is exceptionally intelligent and has a heart of gold and wants nothing more than to be accepted by his peers and really wants a girlfriend, although as his mother, I would want him to focus solely on school at his age and worry about girls later. The biggest challenge I see with him does seem to be empathy as it relates to social interaction. As someone else mentioned, when communicating with others, there are non-verbal social cues that are just as important as verbal ones. Either missing these cues or mis-reading them can result in some degree of social awkwardness. My son takes things very literally and sometimes overreacts to things others have said because of how he interpreted things, rather than how it was intended. When I mention empathy, it is because he often fails to see how things he says or does affects the other person. He often does not consider the other person's point of view or feelings prior to saying or doing something. This can sometimes make bonding with him difficult but those of us who really know him think he is awesome just the way he is. The good news is, there are many therapists skilled at teaching social skills and reading non-verbal cues. There are also many books that may help you. These skills may not come naturally, but they can be learned. In addition, there are many caring individuals out there who will see you for your wonderful traits and love you for who you are. In the meantime, try to take things slow and study how your peers interact with one another. Know that your unique qualities make you who you are and learn to accept and love yourself and others will too. I hope this helps. Good luck to you!
Isolde Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 I'm glad to hear your case seems more borderline. There is definitely hope for you. I just ask you not to stereotype girls as mean and shallow. We have all the same insecurities guys do, really we do.
Star Gazer Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 I'm glad to hear your case seems more borderline. There is definitely hope for you. I just ask you not to stereotype girls as mean and shallow. We have all the same insecurities guys do, really we do. Agreed. And maybe even then some! Each person is unique, and should be treated as such.
Author kashmir Posted January 10, 2009 Author Posted January 10, 2009 You're still so young. I didn't even have my first real boyfriend until I was 18. Um, that's younger than me though! So K, I'm just curious. What is it that you hope to achieve with a girl? I do think you are young and intelligent and could develop some talents to mask what resides within and that worries me a little. List your core values that you would contribute to a romantic relationship with a girl. What do you expect in return? What are you looking for and what do you offer? It's a start. What I want to achieve with a girl? I don't need a relationship, I just want to be able to go out with some semi-frequently. If one develops into something more, great, but right now I just want to date a few girls that I want to date. And there's a physical wanting too, of course. I'd just like to know what it feels like to kiss a girl (sober ), and maybe more. My core values? As in what I can offer? Well, despite all my imperfections, I think when someone can deeply connect with me then I can offer that person a lot. Compassion, affection, a source of laughter...a way to make life a little less serious and a lot lighter, because if you have someone to go to and always share a laugh with then the things in life that bother you will pass by that much easier. I'd like someone who I can show all my little inconsistencies and quirks and not expect them to like me for them, and I want to like a girl for the same things. Mental...see, that's what kind of confuses me...I do take care of myself and I think I'm pretty ahead as far as first impressions go. I'm an athlete, so I'm in very good physical condition, as well as being tall and not bad looking. I have good hygiene, not sure how well I dress though. I'm an intricate speaker and I certainly think I'm as interesting as any other guy out there. I have a lot to talk about and a lot going on in my life, but more importantly a lot of things that others do interest me, so I'm willing to listen to them. I also make people laugh a lot. I'm pretty sarcastic. I do all these things and still have met massive rejection. Sara, I wish the best for your son. I'm glad he's getting help earlier than I did. I can read social cues pretty well. I can tell when someone is bored, annoyed, uninterested, or feeling uncomfortable in any way from non-verbal, as well as sybtle verbal cues. I'm just wondering why I seem to encounter this so much, which is why I'm led to believe it has to do with the subconscious vibe I give off that I can't control. Isolde, I'll respond to you tomorrow. I need sleep.
D-Lish Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 Which makes me wonder... do you really have AS? Do you think you read social cues well? Perhaps you're just more...socially naive, and not someone with AS? I wondered the same. Kash- having a lack of empathy is a major part of AS (I pulled out my old Psych books to get a refresh). Maybe you don't have AS? Of course I don't know, I was only ever a counsellor and never anything beyond that, But.... If you can put yourself in other people's shoes... Feel that understanding of what they are going through. It's like the number one red flag symptom- having empathy. I dunno... I have found so often that people get diagnosed with stuff and then the person in question begins to get stuck on a label other people have placed on them. There are levels of empathy. If it comes to someone naturally- they will always debate with the other person's POV in mind. I read a post, and the first thing I do is imagine myself in their shoes. Even if it is someone posting they are an OW (which I lost my husband to).... I just put myself there and answer accordingly- and often with support (because you just feel their need for it). If you are already practicing this- you're not as troubled as you might believe. Is it possible you've been labelled (perhaps a shy kid, insecure)... and you see the label as a barrier? Labels suck... It's like a stranger defines you. If no one ever said to you- "You have AS"... would life be different? You sound like a normal guy that might be embittered. Working through the same stuff many people your age go through. Being shy is simply lacking in confidence. We all lack that- but all respond differently. I'm serious- never get stuck on a label. It used to make me so pissed off in staff meetings when we would discuss a client and everyone at the round table would take a crack at a label for them. Then the resident Psychiatrist would submit the label... Boom- you're defined. Those "people" at the round table have taken your control away from you. That's how it happens you know- people in a room discuss and define you. Where is your say?
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