Author Girlygirl1977 Posted January 8, 2009 Author Posted January 8, 2009 forget that man. I generally agree to look for the good in people but somone dragging you out to go counselling does not give you issues. your best friend sleeping with your wife would. I mean come on, don't try to make him to be the victim here. if he is such a baby, he needs to grow up Yeah I'm not sure I agree that's what gave him issues. I'm not sure but I think he needs personal one on one therapy b/c of other things which may have gotten him to this point. He is the only adopted child (youngest) among 8 children and with the snipes I heard - he never felt fully accepted by his father. That may be more the roots of his problem but again it's not for me to bear. Yeah I'm not looking at him as the victim so much - that wasn't the way he presented it. And I'm just putting 2 and 2 together regarding his background which I heard about over the course of dating him.
Author Girlygirl1977 Posted January 8, 2009 Author Posted January 8, 2009 Why play along? I hope you've changed your mind about that. From your posts it sounds as though you've got emotionally attached, but have a strong instinct that this guy is gaming you. If you like him and have been acting in good faith, then for him to game you is manipulative, disrespectful and unkind. Why play along? Oh I know that I won't be having sex with him no strings attached. I'm not that far gone! I guess he is no longer gaming me techniquely since he showed his ace cards last week. . .but maybe he thinks I don't mind but have the info (which is not true). It is somewhat of a trainwreck and I haven't faced it before. Since I know what I know and I will not be having no strings attached sex - or prioritizing him, I'm not too worried about me getting sucked into his vortex. I'm also filling up my social calendar and getting out there again now.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Good for you, GirlyGirl! You are doing what you should be doing to get over this.
Author Girlygirl1977 Posted January 8, 2009 Author Posted January 8, 2009 Good for you, GirlyGirl! You are doing what you should be doing to get over this. I can't lie that since I know more of what is in his head (well i'm sure not all), I don't mind teasing him a bit. I mean yesterday's last msg from him is a bit much as it basically implies he was masturbating thinking about me no?! But it will not go far and probably soon it will come to a head and I'll just tell him straight up that based on what I heard last week, I don't see myself doing a no strings attached sex thing. Also he had told me that for the most part he either dates someone just a handful of dates max or he has dated them for years. So it was unusual that we went through 3 months and came to this point. he attributed it to knowing himself better now and if i had otherwise met him a few years ago this might have ketp up for a couple of years?!
Author Girlygirl1977 Posted January 14, 2009 Author Posted January 14, 2009 In early December he had sent me a text during the day saying he had been distracted all day by the idea of me in thigh high stockings and maybe it was a dream but he thinks I would look really good in it. I think I responded with something mild. He didn't get it and called that evening to see if I was offended and I said I wasn't. He seems to have that idea stuck in his head since. So he still couldn't get over that - he has never seen me in them and given the circumstances. That will never happen in my view. Yesterday I had texted about something else related to a previous conversation and not sexual. And he responded briefly asking when will he get a chance to see me in the stockings. . . That to me def was too much - quit it already esp. now. Anyway I was pretty straightforward/diplomatic though and told him "given your recent disclosures, I dont think that is a good path for us." And he had to know it was a bit much and acknowledged: "Fair enough. I just thought I'd put it out there". He should have timed his disclosures better i guess - and done it after he saw the stockings. Ha. Wow - some people want to have their cake and eat it too?! Arrogance? Just a total jerk?
movingonandon Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 Well, heartbreak always sucks, even if its just 3 months. So, sorry about that. But I'm amused by the prevailing opinion that (assuming that the guy never had serious intentions to begin with - maybe that's not the case, maybe he changed his mind) entering a brief relationship only with the intention to have fun is inherently "evil". Girls seem to read waaaay too much into completely innocuous ****. I'd take a girl in which I have no more than casual interest in to a company party, I'd happily keep "feminine products" at my place for the she stays over, and would love to hang out with her on the weekend etc. That doesn't mean that I'm "pretending" or "fooling" her. I enjoy her company right now, but have no intentions of pursuing more serios relationship and that does not mean that I'm insencere in my appreciation of her right now. Jesus Christ . I could be the guy that makes a U-turn at the 3 month mark on my girlfriend right now, and if that happens it won't be because i've decided that I've had enough fun - if i do that, it will be because I think there is sufficient evidence to determine that we'll probably won't work out longer term, so it would be unfair to just string her along. I don't know that for sure, but the point is that i'm not giving any false indications/hopes of commitment, beyond just treating her well. If treating a girl well means "fooling her", then manners really must have gone down the drain these days... Ladies, you have heads on your shoulders, make up your own minds, no need for a rulebook here. You liked him enough to date him for 3 months, no? Well, it doesn't always work out as we hope, but nobody "owes" nobody a commitment... Entering any relationship always involves risks and leaps of faith, but if a relationship is not working out the way you hoped, you can (and should) just leave. No big deal. YOu gained some experience and hopefully had some good time.
Author Girlygirl1977 Posted January 14, 2009 Author Posted January 14, 2009 Good post movingonandon. I agree with you actually. I can accept that conclusion. But you don't think it's a bit much that after that, he pushes to try for the sex? You saw my more recent posts?
movingonandon Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 Good post movingonandon. I agree with you actually. I can accept that conclusion. But you don't think it's a bit much that after that, he pushes to try for the sex? You saw my more recent posts? That I agree with - if you're breaking up, then man up and accept the consequences, which includes no more sex :)
Author Girlygirl1977 Posted January 14, 2009 Author Posted January 14, 2009 That I agree with - if you're breaking up, then man up and accept the consequences, which includes no more sex :) I'm going to guess that if he is 40 and still single - he has tried this method before and it has actually worked?! Perhaps with some of those previous gals referenced. Anyway, so he is probably trying it again. . .There are a lot of firsts with this guy. . .haven't seen such s@% like that before. One good thing - i kind of like smacking him down on that, but I hope he saw that it was a high risk move. So what's your story with your lady? Are you really thinking of bailing?
movingonandon Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 I'm going to guess that if he is 40 and still single - he has tried this method before and it has actually worked?! Perhaps with some of those previous gals referenced. Anyway, so he is probably trying it again. . .There are a lot of firsts with this guy. . .haven't seen such s@% like that before. One good thing - i kind of like smacking him down on that, but I hope he saw that it was a high risk move. So what's your story with your lady? Are you really thinking of bailing? Well, 40 and single does not look so good to me, but if he keeps bagging girls that are 10 years younger, he must be doing something right, pardon the cynicism . As for my lady, I'm thinking of bailing, but more than anything I'd like to see my concerns/reservations addressed so we could go onto the businsss of living happily ever after. Sadly, it probably will not turn out this way, but it's still early and I'm willing to give each and every benefit of the doubt before making any rash breakup decisions (I'd rather be done with this dating crap for good . Only half an year in the process I've concluded that casual dating is sorta fun, but generally it's more effort than it is worth it. So, not that I approve, but I guess it is not surprising that this guy is trying to beat the system - he is breaking up with you anyway, might as well try - nothing to lose... .)
Author Girlygirl1977 Posted January 14, 2009 Author Posted January 14, 2009 I think he usually dates women his age. . .well i asked about the ones he had dated (last two relationships) anyway. You know I recall what he said the first time we had sex 1) This is proof there is a God and 2) This is funny b/c my dad always said somehow you always manage to win. Hmm. . .in hindsight. . . So probably he is more likely staying in his age range based on the limited info I gathered (his friends/social circle are in the same range etc.). At a certain point though I guess that game can't go on forever. As far casual dating - i'm so not into that. I'm happy to be in a nice secure relationship again esp. after episodes like this! I contacted my first long term ex right after - he seems like an angel now:lmao:
Author Girlygirl1977 Posted January 14, 2009 Author Posted January 14, 2009 I honestly didn't see it coming b/c he behaved well - very reliable, always on time, always initiating, going out to do many difft tthings etc. . .very communicative, in touch every day. The pushing for sex after the breakup says bad things about his character which I didn't see. How can I avoid a repeat of this type of thing? That's what bugs me. I really don't want to go through this again.
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