seperatingsoon Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 hi guys my wife is moving out soon i am thinking all the time and keeps on asking her to do counseling with me but she keeps on saying there is nothing to save and that she dont love me anymore and that she is definatly not doing counceling and she cant wait to be out of here at the end of the month she said there is other people she can be around where she can be herself and happy. Our problem started when she made this new female friend. My wife is also attracted to woman. She started speakin to this woman everynight on msn and stopped talking to me. She basically got obsessed with her friend. I started getting angry and started being nasty and called her names wich drove her away even more. She is adiment she is no seeing anyone else. Only that she just want to get out of here she already put deposit down on the new place and will be moving out on the 31st. Is it all over is she going to miss me. Can she really just stop loveing me just like that? What can i do to convince her to go see a counselar? It feels like my life is over i dont eat or sleap i am a mess. It just doesnt seem to bother her that much i guess i have to make piece with it that she is going she paid a deposit and signed a 6month contract!
Mountains10 Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 hi guys my wife is moving out soon i am thinking all the time and keeps on asking her to do counseling with me but she keeps on saying there is nothing to save and that she dont love me anymore and that she is definatly not doing counceling and she cant wait to be out of here at the end of the month she said there is other people she can be around where she can be herself and happy. Our problem started when she made this new female friend. My wife is also attracted to woman. She started speakin to this woman everynight on msn and stopped talking to me. She basically got obsessed with her friend. I started getting angry and started being nasty and called her names wich drove her away even more. She is adiment she is no seeing anyone else. Only that she just want to get out of here she already put deposit down on the new place and will be moving out on the 31st. Is it all over is she going to miss me. Can she really just stop loveing me just like that? What can i do to convince her to go see a counselar? It feels like my life is over i dont eat or sleap i am a mess. It just doesnt seem to bother her that much i guess i have to make piece with it that she is going she paid a deposit and signed a 6month contract! Hey, welcome to LS seperatingsoon, sounds like you're in the same boat I was in just 2 months ago. We can tell you what to do, but it's up to you to do it. I'm no expert here, so I'll let the others chime in, but I'll give you the best advice I can, since I just saw your post. Don't beg, plead, or try to reason with her, you will get nowhere fast. It sounds to me like she's lying about not seeing anyone else, but I wouldn't trust anything she says. They all say the same thing, just use different words. Secure your finances and don't finance anything for her, when she moves out, don't financially support her. Run some credit checks and make sure that your credit is secure. Read thru the threads and posts here in this sub forum and you'll find that every story is almost identical to yours, with yours being another woman that your wife left you for, versus being another man, our wives left us for. You'll see the same reactions we've all had and what we're doing to try and cope with them. Also, start reading this: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/faq_bs.asp and pay attention to #11, it will help you know what you need to do now. I'm sorry you're going thru this, but we can all relate, don't feel like you're alone.
Gowithflow Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 Sorry to hear about your issues... More info is needed. How long have you been married? Any kids? Abuse? Addictions? Also, usually when this happens the soon to be ex has already moved on and just didn't tell you until she was ready to move out. She is ahead of you and that leaves you feeling hurt and confused, while she know's exactly what she's doing. Go to the counseling on your own. even if she won't go with you. It will help you cope. Good luck friend. it's a bumpy ride!
Author seperatingsoon Posted January 7, 2009 Author Posted January 7, 2009 Sorry to hear about your issues... More info is needed. How long have you been married? Any kids? Abuse? Addictions? Also, usually when this happens the soon to be ex has already moved on and just didn't tell you until she was ready to move out. She is ahead of you and that leaves you feeling hurt and confused, while she know's exactly what she's doing. Go to the counseling on your own. even if she won't go with you. It will help you cope. Good luck friend. it's a bumpy ride! We have been married for 3 years but lived together for almost 6 there is no kids or any addictions or physical abuse. I am a very tempremental person and say very hurtful things that i dont mean when i cant get through to my wife. She recons this is why she is leaving but on the other hand when i told her what is bothering me she never listened so my last resort is normally hurtfull things that i dont mean. All the time she spended on the computer with the new friend upset me it was like i didint excist i would have to repeat myself 5 times to get an answer from her and this drove me up the wall i told her it was bothering me and she just ignored me i once again lost control saying nasty things i told her if she wasnt intrested in me anymore why is she still here and think she should go. The next thing i knew she paid a deposit on a place and she said she is going. We still have to live together until the end of the month. She keeps on denying having someone else but i suspect she is in love with this new female friend. She says she makes her happy when she is around her this friend is also biosexual and she said if she wants she can have relationship with her tommorow but she dont have one with her. I am trying to be nice and calm but it is all difficult when i am nice she says this nice guy attitude dont suit me. I am not a nice person. But what i dont get is in November she wrote an email to my mum saying how happy she is with me and also in november we started planning a family but soon in December after this new female friend it all started to deteriote. How can you go from being so happy and wanting a family to seperation in 35 days does my head in!
Searching49 Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 But what i dont get is in November she wrote an email to my mum saying how happy she is with me and also in november we started planning a family but soon in December after this new female friend it all started to deteriote. How can you go from being so happy and wanting a family to seperation in 35 days does my head in! I'm sorry to hear that your story sounds all too familiar. And I hate to say it because I won't admit it to myself, but your answer is that she wasn't happy and it was a ruse to buy her time. Take a look at www.womensinfidelity.com and stage 1. Really think about stage one and how long it has been that she was in it. That's how long she's been unhappy and just never let you know. It's cruel and unfair, but that's where it is. I'm currently dealing with end stage 3 and never knew until it was there. I'm sorry to say that it sounds like you are there too. You at least have us to help you through it. Hang on, get your financial matters settled, and go No Contact (NC).
LillyBlue Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 I'm sorry you're in pain right now. I think it is hard to imagine how someone can go from a seemingly happy state to wanting to leave so quickly. Obviously, the new friend was the catalyst. It is called an affair.
Author seperatingsoon Posted January 8, 2009 Author Posted January 8, 2009 I'm sorry you're in pain right now. I think it is hard to imagine how someone can go from a seemingly happy state to wanting to leave so quickly. Obviously, the new friend was the catalyst. It is called an affair. Hi all thanks for the support i spoke to her again today and she tells me she is in love with this other woman but i dont know if she is just saying that to hurt me even more because she is laughing about it? What do you guys think? This is all driving me nuts i just want answers and closure. So i can try move on and get over it!
Mountains10 Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Hi all thanks for the support i spoke to her again today and she tells me she is in love with this other woman but i dont know if she is just saying that to hurt me even more because she is laughing about it? What do you guys think? This is all driving me nuts i just want answers and closure. So i can try move on and get over it! Seperatingsoon, I know the feeling of wanting answers, and they will come, but just not yet, it's been a couple months for me and it's finally starting to come together. Your wife has probably been planning this for some time now, so she's ahead of you in the game. Work on doing the 180 and getting your finances in order first off. You might seek some counseling to help you deal with this hard time. I haven't been to individual counseling (IC) myself, but looking back, I wished I had talked to a professional the first week who could shed some light on this situation for you. Hang in there, be strong, and keep reading.
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