shadowplay Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 It makes sense that people who feel strongly about staying home with their children, will stay home unless necessity breeds otherwise. Same goes for people who don't choose to stay home and can find viable and sometimes even better forms of childcare, in that only children are better socialized in a group environment during the daytime and at night, cherished by their parents. I've seen the positive results of both scenarios and choose to entrust any potential future children of mine, to either a combined self-employment scenario/nanny or to entrust my potential future children to my parents who have a kick-ass parenting style. Btw Eve, all my friends first and second children are very different, regardless of SAHM scenario or working mothers. The oldest ones are independent and the younger children are more clingy. I think it more the state of the parents, in that the first child is raised by the book and the second child tends to have a more relaxed atmosphere. Ofttimes the second child gets less attention, leading to clingy behavior. First children are also pushed harder to succeed, which can have both positive and negative consequences for the child. Usually the parents don't even realize they are treating their children differently. I think it is important for a child to be raised with siblings, though.
Eve Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 Btw Eve, all my friends first and second children are very different, regardless of SAHM scenario or working mothers. The oldest ones are independent and the younger children are more clingy. I think it more the state of the parents, in that the first child is raised by the book and the second child tends to have a more relaxed atmosphere. I suppose that one could take into consideration the intrinsic temperment of the child and their placing within the family... though I cant see how that could happen unless within retrospect because children change so much as they are growing. So, from my own perspective I can definately see how my staying at home/working influenced in how each child developed. Regards, Eve xx
dnm Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 As many of you know, I was essentially raised by my grammy, who lived with us since I was 2.5. My single-parent mom was the breadwinner, filling the traditional male role, while my grammy stayed home and took care of me and the home. My mom (and I!) really lucked out in this regard. While I didn't have a father AND a mother, I always felt like I had two parents. I'm secretly hoping that whomever I marry and having babies (baby?) with with have a mother very closeby who would want to share a lot of the caretaking with my own mother. I'd have no problem with leaving my children with their grandmother while I went off to work. I used to stay with my grandparents too while my parents were at work. I guess my parents won't have wanted me to be at a daycare centre, even though my mum had very convenient working hours. I don't plan to have kids myself, but if I do, I would also leave them at my parents' place, as they live close by.
bentnotbroken Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Irrespective of non-planned pregnancies, I'm curious as to why someone who doesn't want to actively and continuously care for and nurture a young mind and body would even consider having a child. What purpose does that act serve? What benefit results? Note my question is gender-neutral. In our case, I had set my business up to be a SAHD and I would've been the "custodial" parent. I had a great role model for that job FWIW, women gave up careers to be "housewives", even in the dark ages prior to "workplace equality". My mother was one of them. It was a decision she and my dad made together. She made a good living but thought it better to nurture that young crazed mind which would become carhill Traditionally women of color have always been out of the home out of necessity. During slave times and when they could only be domestics. It was always necessary to suppliment the family income. I think what ever the situation is, whatever is required to make the children happy and healthy, I think a loving and dedicated parent will accomplish.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 When do children go to kindergarden? 4 or 5? My BF and I were having this conversation. We are kind of stuck, because I do want to be a SAHM. However I want to go back to work eventually. Dud anyone stay home for a few years then go back to work? And what did you do? What about for multiple children?
Sweetcheripie Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 Children usually go to Kindergarten at 5 - at least in most school districts they must turn 5 by 10/1. Kindergarten in this area either goes in the morning or afternoon (9:00 - 11:45) or (1:00 - 3:45) So you really have to figure 1st grade for enough time to go back to work. I think it is great you guys are discussing all the options before you are even married!!!
Touche Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 When do children go to kindergarden? 4 or 5? My BF and I were having this conversation. We are kind of stuck, because I do want to be a SAHM. However I want to go back to work eventually. Dud anyone stay home for a few years then go back to work? And what did you do? What about for multiple children? What points are you stuck on? I was one of those who stayed home and then went back to work. Although I did attend school part-time when our son was around 2 to around 4. He went to pre-school for just a couple of hours a day at most maybe 2 to 3 times a week. I think that was ideal so he could be with other kids his age and they also taught them the basics he needed for kindergarten. It also somewhat made the transition a little easier when I went back to work when he was about 4-4 1/2. But like I said, by the time he was 7, I had to leave. It was a tough decision but it had to be done. Those few hours I was at work and not with him after school made all the difference in his school work and just in general as far as our home life. It was just too chaotic and hectic for too long. I couldn't do it anymore. We all paid the price for it, in my opinion...got a lot of debt paid off but looking back...not worth it.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 18, 2009 Author Posted January 18, 2009 What points are you stuck on? I was one of those who stayed home and then went back to work. Although I did attend school part-time when our son was around 2 to around 4. He went to pre-school for just a couple of hours a day at most maybe 2 to 3 times a week. I think that was ideal so he could be with other kids his age and they also taught them the basics he needed for kindergarten. It also somewhat made the transition a little easier when I went back to work when he was about 4-4 1/2. But like I said, by the time he was 7, I had to leave. It was a tough decision but it had to be done. Those few hours I was at work and not with him after school made all the difference in his school work and just in general as far as our home life. It was just too chaotic and hectic for too long. I couldn't do it anymore. We all paid the price for it, in my opinion...got a lot of debt paid off but looking back...not worth it. Well, I think by "stay at home mom" he thought that meant like a year. I told him that wasn't enough time, plus we would have to arrange childcare for the next 4 years following. The other issue (which we had a debate about today) is that he wants to move across the state where his family and friends live. (but mostly to be near his close friends). Problem is: a) Salaries are MUCH MUCH lower. We wouldn't have enough money for me even to stay home. b) He really wants to just go to be near his friends. They are all bachelors (probably still will be in 3-4 years). They probably won't be too thrilled at the idea of him having "parental responsibilities." Maybe that would change in 4 years though. I think personally, we should just stay where we are. He'll make really good money and I could def. stay home longer. I could probably even get re-hired at my job because they really like me and I do a good job. Plus my hours are awesome ( 6am- 2:30pm).
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