LadyDanger Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 Hello people So, I posted a couple of threads before about the break up and then the difficult period of no contact. Well, after long enough we decided to meet up on monday. It went well, and I think the flame was still definately there- though diminished a little, by no means dead. So at the end of the meet, he walked me to the door (due to the bad snow and ice- didnt want me to slip over). I opened the door, he just stood there....i think expected to be invited in- but i didnt invite him in, he gave me a kiss on the cheek and a quick hug....then with his eyes looking to the floor said happy new year and walked back to his car. So, whilst I was fine with him throughout the meet- i was a little abrupt at the end. I felt guilty- so the following day I sent him a message email- along the lines of " Nice to catch up and that we could do so without that much awkwardsness.... [then a joke related to what we had discussed]...Im glad that we are still friends, hope you're in agreement? And that we can meet up at some point in the future" He sent me a message back saying " lol I thought it was a nice night the other night. Really glad we're still friends See you soon name x" I know Im fooling myself in thinking we could be a couple again- do you agree? Its really easy to overanalyse the little stuff though, like when he text before the meet saying "rly looking forward 2 it" and then after "really enjoyed it" and then again with a response to my email. His hug and kiss- and offered me his coat when I was cold. I suppose its better than not having in my life at all- but from his actions, is there any hope for a future us? Or should I resolve to the fact that all these actions are solely friendly ones?
Author LadyDanger Posted January 7, 2009 Author Posted January 7, 2009 Anyone any advice for an overanalytical fool? : His actions are they; friendly or more? Please forgive me if the answer is blaringly obvious, I cant make him out.
rainbowbrite Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 i dont kno wut anyone else is gona say. but it pretty much seems to me, that he def still has feelings for u. especially with the light flirtation in the text messages and the helping u out, etc... i mean, he wouldnt do that if he didnt care. i would just keep doen wut ur doen. seems to be working
Geishawhelk Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 Anyone any advice for an overanalytical fool? : His actions are they; friendly or more? Please forgive me if the answer is blaringly obvious, I cant make him out. Th answer is that you are now brutally aware how senseless it is to break NC. It just leads to anguished speculation. Whoever broke it - shouldn't have done.
againstallodds Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 I am not sure about this. Take it real slow. If he did the breakup then it's wrong for you to txt him and said you want to be friend while your intention is getting back with him. He should be the one asking you for a chance. You don't want to be in the friend zone. If he did the breakup then it should be him giving you the signal and it's still too early to know what the signal is.
lofi_tokyo Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 I know friendship can often lead to love, but I think its a bit dangerous to be saying "I'm glad that were still friends, hope you're in agreement?". To me this indicates you're happy being his FRIEND, and you want him agree to that, which he did. Not lovers, friends. So while playing the friends card can lead to other things, I caution you that if he broke up with you, and is not trying to get back in a relationship with you, then yes, he may just be thinking "only friends" especially since you just gave him reason to think thats what you want.
Author LadyDanger Posted January 7, 2009 Author Posted January 7, 2009 So what do I do now?! I didnt want him to think I was being overly abrupt [which I was a little] and didnt want to scare him off by saying "I still have feelings for you"- because although the reason was because of the distance, he was more eager for the break than I. O god, have I just shot myself in the foot- what was I supposed to to? And how can I now put it right?
Author LadyDanger Posted January 7, 2009 Author Posted January 7, 2009 Th answer is that you are now brutally aware how senseless it is to break NC. It just leads to anguished speculation. Whoever broke it - shouldn't have done. He broke it.
Geishawhelk Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 Then you shouldn't have responded. Who broke up with whom?
Author LadyDanger Posted January 8, 2009 Author Posted January 8, 2009 Then you shouldn't have responded. Who broke up with whom? I know, I know Mutual decision, more from his side than mine. Do you think he is just being friendly?
BCCA Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 I know, I know Mutual decision, more from his side than mine. Do you think he is just being friendly? Not that this is an inherently bad thing, but I feel like you just relieved a ton of guilt from him. Before careful what you wish for...you said you were glad to be friends, and he agreed. If I know anything after being on this board, its that the chances are very slim that you want a friendship and only a friendship from him. Someone told me this, and I think its so true I have to steal it: when someone is really into you, you wont have to wonder; usually, when you have to wonder, they're not that into you. I don't know what hes thinking right now, but I have to think if he wanted more than a friendship, he'd let you know.
Geishawhelk Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 I know, I know Mutual decision, more from his side than mine. Do you think he is just being friendly? I agree with BCCG. He's just guiltily testing the waters to make sure you won't badger him or seek a renewal. And boy, did you sound over-eager to reassure him! That guarantees that he'll be around for you as a friend, which means you will still see him - and nurture hopes of maybe, hopefully getting back together again. This NC thing sucks, I know. But it's the only thing that works.
Author LadyDanger Posted January 8, 2009 Author Posted January 8, 2009 I agree with BCCG. He's just guiltily testing the waters to make sure you won't badger him or seek a renewal. And boy, did you sound over-eager to reassure him! That guarantees that he'll be around for you as a friend, which means you will still see him - and nurture hopes of maybe, hopefully getting back together again. This NC thing sucks, I know. But it's the only thing that works. So basically, he has no other interest besides friendship- and likelihood is, if i were to mention the prospect of more, he would get annoyed and then we'd have no relationship at all romantic or friendly? He sent me a message today saying "happy birthday, hope you have a really great day, see you soon xx" ..........maybe you are right, perhaps we should just not speak- because i cant detect from him what he is looking for, and you guys seem to think that whatever he is looking for is different to what im looking for. Then you get into the futile ridiculous ground of analysing "see you soon" which is a pleasantry no doubt, and "xx" because the last time he used 2 kisses was when we were in a relationship, he never uses 2 kisses with anyone. And then it just gets ridiculous...but id be an absolute liar if i said i wasnt thinking these ridiculous thoughts. So, is the consensus i should just go NC? Anyone else agree with that ^?
audrey_1 Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 So basically, he has no other interest besides friendship- and likelihood is, if i were to mention the prospect of more, he would get annoyed and then we'd have no relationship at all romantic or friendly? More than likely. So, is the consensus i should just go NC? Anyone else agree with that ^? I agree.
Geishawhelk Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 I second the Motion. Motion carried. 'No Contact' it is then. Thank you for the meeting guys, let's gather together at the end of the week to review, adjust and make sure we're all still on the same page. meeting over, let's go for a coffee to that great bar and pick up a coupla cool guys!
BCCA Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 I second the Motion. Motion carried. 'No Contact' it is then. Thank you for the meeting guys, let's gather together at the end of the week to review, adjust and make sure we're all still on the same page. meeting over, let's go for a coffee to that great bar and pick up a coupla cool guys! I'm only coming if I can pick up a cool girl
BCCA Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Well hellooooooooooo good time...... It's too bad we could all get together and drown our sorrows.
saturnsfall Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Do not contact / see you ex again. All that is going to do is cause you unnecessary hurt and anguish. Go NC. Do not break NC. Second chances, they do not work. Someone is always bitter and holding someone's standards too high for anyone's abilities to achieve. Things cannot be forgiven, and any effort you put in to fix the relationship will be thrown away. Just like the break up, the second chance will end as soon as it began. There is no point. Ex's are ex's for a reason and there is no reason to contact someone who willingly exited your life.
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