ellieboron Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 Hi there, am new to this site. I just wanted an opinion, from both men and women, on what they think is acceptable in terms of their partners spending time with friends etc. I am in an interesting situation where my fiance (we have been together for years) is a 'step-dad' to my two children, who are co-parented by their dad and I. Just ONE of the difficult aspects of that is when I am without the children and my partner goes out. It feels very lonely as I love that family feeling of doing things together and with friends etc. My partner doesn't normally go out late but it seems that theres regularly a few beers here or there and he's always out until about 11 one night of the week with the boys after his sport training. Is that normal? I get so uptight about it because I just SO want a partner who wants to enjoy life with me and yet it feels as though he has his fun getting out with his friends and doesn't ever bother to invite a couple over or suggest going to the movies etc 95% of the time I suggest the things we do together as a couple... He even tried to get me to change my 30th birthday so he could do his training! Gee, that made me feel special! When the kids are home he doesnt go out as much at all - but I tell you, this took about 2 years of disagreeing before he saw the family side to it. Before anyone says anything, - he gets on really well with the kids and since they were quite young when we got together he has a great bond with them. What do you think? Am I over the top? Thanks for any suggestions.
crazieshnurple Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Yes. He deserves one night a week to go out with his friends. Why don't you go out, do something fun? Take a class, go out with dinner with your friends, join a club?
Mr. Lucky Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Yes. He deserves one night a week to go out with his friends. Why don't you go out, do something fun? Take a class, go out with dinner with your friends, join a club? Agreed. Ellieboron, you seem very tough to please. By your account, your BF gets along great with your kids and doesn't normally stay out late. Why begrudge him his one night out? Doesn't make sense... Mr. Lucky
OneTwo Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 I agree -- it seems harmless that he wants some quality time with his friends. You shouldn't base your happiness solely on what he does. Find your own happiness and learn how to integrate that within both of your lifestyles.
2nd-Best Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 I have similar problems because my bf and I pretty much spend every waking moment together that when we are apart it feels weird, so I can understand why you feel that way because when hes out you are at home with nothing to do while he is out having fun.. and it feels unfair almost!! BUT I am not agreeing with you either, because I do think that he deserves time out with friends, as do you ... as do I!! lol, its hard when you base your life to revolve around someone else and you dont feel like you're getting the same in return but it is very unfair to make him a prisoner because you feel lonely.. i agree with the other people who have posted, force yourself to go out with the girls some times.. you'll start to enjoy the time apart, it will keep you from going insane... have a sex and the city night out with the girls.. haha sounds lame but its kinda fun!!
2sure Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Certainly it seems reasonable that he should be out on his one night a week if thats what he enjoys. Its great that he stays home when you have the kids and it sounds like you enjoy that too. But it sounds like you talking about something else. When you dont have the kids you want to spend time with him either out or at home and he is unavailable? Its fine for him to go out alone once a week - but are you saying he never takes you out? You dont do anything together out of the house as a couple? Or invite anyone over as a couple?
Recommended Posts