Jhek Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 So I broke up with my girlfriend a couple years ago and since then I've had sex with 4 girls and every time I do I get about 2 weeks of her on my mind heavily. She has a boyfriend now and is happy (or I'd assume so, she hasn't called me much since him) so I don't wanna ruin that. How do i get over it?I'm not depressed, I go out if I want to, I meet people, im usually happy with the exception of when I date. Things go fine for a few weeks but then a problem of some sort occurs. I've ran into one cheating, one had a boyfriend, another was picking fights after a week, and after 3 weeks the fourth girl told me she would like me more if I ignored her sometimes. Am I just relationship cursed from breaking up with her and now anytime I have sex I'll be flooded with memories of my ex??
Author Jhek Posted January 8, 2009 Author Posted January 8, 2009 Ya I wish I could answer this one with the standard "don't lock yourself in your room, go out and have fun. Go on a date." or whatever else. Come on people, I need some new advice like sacrifice an xbox to the gods so they send me a decent girl or go smoke crack or something. I'm not planning on stop dating or anything so eventually I should find a good one eventually right? I'd be fine if I found a decent relationship but after each girl, my mind went right back to my ex. I've tried to get back together with the one that wanted me to ignore her because she stopped wanting to play games and I ended it after 3 dates because all I could think about was my ex. The biggest problem is that she gave me 2 years (as she dated) and this is about a year after she gave up on me. It's not a case of what I can't have's. I broke upwith her because we both needed life experience and I knew I had some experimenting and partying to get it out of my system. I also knew I needed to figure myself out more. It wasn't right for me to put her through my crap so I ended it. I still loved her but had to do my own thing or else I'd wake up at 40 saying what if.. I now found myself more grounded and patient and a lot more aware of my extreme cancer emotions. Having figured this out and now as I work on my business and prepare for my future I find myself the happiest I've ever been except in that one department. So how do I not go back to her in my mind after failed girlfriend?
amaysngrace Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 No you aren't cursed. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. Unless maybe she was a witch really and cast a spell on you for rejecting her. Then perhaps you really are cursed. And that's why you can't stop thinking about her when you're with someone new. Yeah could be.
Author Jhek Posted January 8, 2009 Author Posted January 8, 2009 Yah last time I checked, she used a broom for sweeping but maybe it was a front. How can you be over someone but still get locked up emotionally when something doesn't go well with another girl. Any other girl i'd of moved on a long time ago. How about writing a letter and tell her to open it if she ever breaks up with her boyfriend. Or is that unfair of me? I'm not saying I'm just going to wait around but maybe she won't plague my mind if I feel I've said what I need to and I know that going to her while she has a bf and confessing my feelings is way unfair so possibly a letter... Or any other ideas are greatly welcomed!!
amaysngrace Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 I don't think a letter would be good because it's been two years. Why did you break up with her if you had such strong feelings for her? And if you have strong feelings for her why aren't you happy that she's happy? Was she your first love because it takes a really long time to get over your first love for mostly everyone. Anyway I think if you can't stop thinking about her it's a little unfair of you to expect to be with someone else and have a good relationship with that person. How can you expect someone to be all into you if you are only half into them? It's a little unfair.
Author Jhek Posted January 8, 2009 Author Posted January 8, 2009 I was only thinking of the letter as a way to get out my feelings. I don't need her to see them if she is happy where she is at. If she is happy I'm happy for her and wouldn't ruin that for selfish gain. She is not my first love, ive had a few relationships and a couple long ones this seems to be the one that stuck. I broke up with her because we were too young and needed some more life experiences and I had a need to digest some exeriences that I didn't need to drag her along for. I wanted to roam free so that I don't say what if 20 years from now. I wanted to be more grounded and know myself better. I now feel that and started dating again. My only problem is that I apparently haven't gotten over her yet. Your right it's not fair to only be half commited to someone because of prior feelings. I gave myself time and seemed fine, I dated to move on, doesn't seem to work. Now what?
amaysngrace Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Now what? Hmm...seems like you made a choice two years ago. You wanted a life without her in it. Call it whatever you'd like, say it was "for her own good" if it makes you feel better, but the truth is you did exactly what YOU wanted to do. You ran the risk of letting her go when you let her go to do what YOU wanted. If she was the be-all end-all of your life you never would have let her go looking for some other greater form of satisfaction for yourself. My guess is you've forgotten how you really felt at the time when you made your choice. People who are happy don't go out looking for better things. Obviously you were seeking some kind of happiness that being with her just didn't provide you with.
Author Jhek Posted January 8, 2009 Author Posted January 8, 2009 Maybe I'm confusing with how I talk of her. I love her and I'd do a lot for the girl but i'm not needing her back. I realize my actions and still believe my intentions were for the best. I met a wonderful girl too early in life. I could have settled very easily but for some reason I didn't. I needed something but didn't know what. Without her I did what I needed to do. Now that I feel like I should date again, I seem to be stuck up on her. I'm not needing to date her again. Though it would be nice I realize there are "tons of fish in the sea" and if needed I could probably find a similar girl if I looked long enough. Now I'm working on dating again but like you said, it's not fair to only be half into something. It's been a few years since I dated her and I guess I kept my feelings in until I started dating again. So how do I get over them? I've had time, I've tried dating, I've hung out with friends. How do youget over someone when you've ignored it for this long?
amaysngrace Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 You haven't ignored it. It keeps rearing its ugly head on you. How do you get past it? Well you accept that you're human and if you see it as a mistake you will keep regretting it but when you see it was a choice you made for yourself because you know you best you can trust that you know what you are doing with your life. And change your thinking.
Author Jhek Posted January 9, 2009 Author Posted January 9, 2009 Your right, I definitely doubt my choice everytime I run into a problem in a relationship. In turn I amplify a small problem into a big one by telling myself how great she was. Despite her still being a wonderful person, I had greater intentions with breaking up and sometimes I forget to mention that to myself when I start missing old times. There is no point running from my demons, instead persuade them to be my friends kinda thing? I'll make an I'm greatful list tonight to keep things in perspective. I'll let you know where I'm at in a few days. Thanks for your help and support!!
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