troubleswithlove Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 I've been dating the same guy for three years now. I guess when one says opposites attract they were right. In the beginning of the relationship (at this point i was 19) it was more of an infatuation. The sex was really good I hadn't been with anyone in a couple of years and was ready for something new. He was the complete opposite of anyone I would really ever date. I had just recently started school in a new city at a college and although an outgoing person was having a harder time making new friends especially since the town I grew up in was so close knit. I think that was another reason we ended up together in the beginning he gave me a door into the social aspect of life in the city knowing many of the people and introducing me. During that time I was having a really tough time finding my niche and it definitely helped me out for the next couple years. When we first started dating he was disgusting. He smoked cigarettes and weed in the house. (EVEN IN HIS BED) His room was a disgusting disaster. Him and his close friends idea of a good time seemed to be sitting around smoking weed and watching television. Living where i live "WEED" isn't looked at as such a bad thing BUT I think that when it's something that you do all the time and that seems to be your idea of fun it is a problem. Another thing is his arrogant and rude sense of humor. He takes everything that one step further. In the beginning I didn't really think of the relationship as long term so those things didn't really bother me. It's only when I like the guy enough to maybe be thinking about my life with him that I would care so in the beginning I was happy and in it for what the relationship gave to me. Fastforwarding 3 years -- we've lived together about 2 -- Mike has really put a lot of effort into changing his lifestyle. He's trying to quit smoking, has cut back on weed (doesn't do either near the hosue) and is a tiny bit cleaner. But when he goes back to town to visit his close friends the idea of a good time is still to be high the whole time, his sense of humor is racist and rude and arrogant. Everything is trying to get people's reactions still weather good or bad... Saying Jew this etc... Also there was a huge falling out between him and my sister that I don't want to go near... Pretty much ending with her saying that if I am happy she will support the relationship but she thinks Mike has problems with respect, is arrogant, and is too much work (as in I am always telling him what he needs to do). My thing is that I'm a down to earth girl. I accept everyone for who they are... I like all of Mike's friends. I don't care what they do with their lives or in there spare time but it's different when it's my boyfriend. I hate the fact that he even smokes weed - it's an ongoing battle -- i don't really like the cigarettes either -- tidying up is really starting to irratate me -- the respect/arrogance issue is the biggest problem These are all things that I don't believe I can change but I don't think I can be with him and deal with these things. On paper it doesn't sound as bad but it's really not that great. I don't believe I could buy a house and start a family with someone with those problems. I've talked to him so many times that he could rehearse what I can't handle. And I;ve told him with most of these issues that I can't change him but it's how long I can put up with it. I tried to break up with him just after christmas right before our move together to another city (now staying at his moms for a couple weeks while we settle) but it's almost like he ignored the whole thing and took it as a fight ... he just did things like everything was normal... Maybe I'm not strong enough to break up with them or maybe there's still something holding me back ..... I just don't know He really really loves me. I don't know if I really love him...
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