Schwartzenegger Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 Bit of a saga I'm sorry with no real structure, but I'm at my wits end. I think I'm depressed because I feel like I'm on the verge of tears occasionally for no reason, I can't concentrate on my (demanding) job, and I really don't want to go home to her, because god knows what I'll be accused of tonight. Yesteday I got an email from my wife of 3 months (dating 18 months) who I love so much asking, quite nicely, if I'd heard from my ex recently. I replied that no, I hadn't (I always tell her when my ex calls, which is about once a year to see how I'm doing and I just am curteous but brief to her). My wife then said she found a piece of paper with a mobile number on it in the study, it wasn't in her phone, so she dialled it and it happened to be my ex. (This in itself is strange behaviour, isn't it?) I replied with "really? must've been an old piece of paper, no idea it existed". Which is the truth.. no idea why I'd write that number down for any reason at all. Anyway, I get home and am faced with a death stare from hell. I ask her what's wrong, and she says that she thinks I've been in contact with my ex. I said that I haven't. She then said OK, show me your phone. So I did, with some protest because I thought it was wrong I should allow that. Anyway, within 5 seconds she's found the missed calls log, and pulled up a number and said 'there!'. My ex had indeed called me, but I honestly had no idea she had done so for I was on holiday with my wife and had misplaced my phone for a few days when the call happened. I asked to see the piece of paper she found, and she said 'it's at work'. I don't believe her. I believe she went through my phone (again), found the missed call, found out who it was, fabricated the story about the piece of paper to stop me getting upset at her going through my phone (again), an activity she swears she's stopped doing. (she's sworn before that she'd never contacted her exes which turned out to be a lie so her swears don't mean anything to me) She stormed off into the bedroom. I followed her, asking what was so wrong.What had I done wrong to deserve this treatment, it wasn't as though I'd spoken to my ex and not informed her! I didn't even realise there was a missed call, and it was just a random number, I had no idea who it was etc. She fired up and said 'you lied to me'. I said 'about what?' She said, "well, I THOUGHT you'd been in contact". WTF? Then she said 'there's no way in hell you're making ME feel bad about this!!'. I said I think I should leave her alone for a couple of hours to calm down and think about why she was so angry with me. She then told me 'good, you're so perfect aren't you, F*** OFF'. Charming. Reminded me of that night she punched me really hard because 'i didn't listen to her'. I told her then that if she layed a hand on me one more time, I'd call the cops and then leave her. Whenever she gets upset with me she accuses me of being 'perfect' with disgust in her voice. I'm not sure what this is all about, but I digress. Incredibly, she is guilty of this very thing she accuses me of (hiding contacts with exes). 3 months ago she became suddenly very suspicious of me - it was hell on earth for weeks. I couldn't even go to the toilet (seriously) for too long without getting accused of trying to contact an ex or a female whilst i was in there. Her suspicion made me suspicious of her - so I (not proud of this) went through her phone and sure enough found numerous texts and calls to her ex boyfriend dating back a couple of months. I confronted her and she was incredibly apologetic and things were awesome for a couple of months, because she actually seemed to respect me! She would respond to my touch (instead of just demand I massage her), she would stroke my hair, she would smile at me when I saw her after work, she would look after me. I relaxed and thought things would be fine. We were so happy. Then things gradually returned to where we are now. Which is like living with Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde - one moment she's so happy and loving and laughing, the next it's like she's posessed or something. It scares me because I don't know what brings it on. One particularly amusing episode was when she called me at work, and I "breathed funny". When I got home I got accused of receiving a blow job at work whilst on the phone to her. I couldn't believe it, she was really upset and serious about it! If she calls when I'm on the bus, she accuses me of being at a bar because of the noise. *sigh* Anyway, my wife has a history of going through my phone at every single opportunity. She's also been through my work computer, personal computer, memory sticks etc looking for god knows what. She used to confront me about every single thing and interrogate me about everything - even innocent things like when we're watching TV and a pretty girl comes on, apparently my jaw drops and I 'perve'. Same happenes out on the street - if I'm walking around with her and a decent looking girl enters our field of view, if I don't immediately drop my head and stare at the concrete I am labelled a pervert. Then there's the double standards - she's allowed to look at all the muscly guys she wants, and I accept it... as long as she doesn't touch it's ok!! She makes male friends at work who text her pictures of hot men and she responds with 'i want i want'. I shudder to think what her reaction would be if girls at my work sent me pics of hot chicks! She searches for info on her ex boyfriend on the net and clears the history behind her, stating she's just 'interested' because she heard througha mutual friend about some new business venture of his. Why clear the history though? Things have eased on that front, though, and I can now safely watch nudity on TV and walk with my head high on the street without worrying (too much) about her ridiculous reactions. I guess I've become a bit desensitised to her irrational behaviour, whereas some time ago she used to make me feel physically ill with worry that I'd offended her without even realising it. She's been once to a psychologist, because when I break down her walls (takes about 3 hours of tears) and actually talk to the real her, beyond the crocodile tears, she says she's so very sorry, and it's like another person is controlling her, she hates it and wishes she could stop it but can't, wants to change, will see someone about it etc etc. I believe her. I see this as a huge positive, that deep down she realises her behaviour is unacceptable. So I'm supporting her, trying to help with her insecurities, encouraging her to go back to the psychologist (she said it was a great session), etc. But, I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. The walls with her are building up and up, and it's so hard for me now to speak to the real, raw her on an emotionally connected level. All I get is the 'filtered' version, no matter how ernest I am. I get constant lies - little white lies, ALL the time, about meaningless things. No idea why she does this. She especially lies to her family and her workmates and her close friends, usually to make them feel sorry for her (like she told her close friend that we were trying for a baby really hard but nothing was happening, but in reality we're not trying for a baby just yet). She's so charming and lovely around my friends and family, and she used to be like that with me. But as soon as we're alone I feel it's like a lottery on whether or not I'll have my loving wife or someone that doesn't even appear to like me at all. I used to blame myself for her behaviour, cause she'd constantly tell me things I was doing wrong (and I listened because I love her more than anyone else and just wanted to please her). So I cut off all my female friends, moved interstate for her, tore up all photos of my past, have only male friends that she 'approves' of - ones that are married and aren't going to lead me astray. I've since learned to stand up for myself and I now have a good friend that doesn't fit her mould. It's a start I guess of me regrowing my balls. I love her to death and would do anything for her, but honestly it feels unrequited despite her professions every 5 hours that she loves me. And I feel a change in how I think about her. I think my love for her might be falling for the intermittent, but recurring suspicions levelled at me. They are damaging our relationship more than she realises. No idea what I'm asking of you all - maybe just a sympathetic ear, or some advice on what else I can do when dealing with a sometimes controlling, insecure, jealous personality such as my wife? I was thinking of seeing a psychologist myself (maybe the same one she saw), and perhaps try to do a joint session. I've also put a lock on my phone so she wont be able to go through it. I'm going to tell her about the lock. She just can't seem to resist it. I want things to work between us - I don't want to leave her. Because when things are good, which is the majority of the time to be honest, I am the happiest man. Then suddenly it'll all go to hell because of some crazed insecurity she has, and my god it's hell. Why can't there be a happy medium? Will she trust me in the end over time? How long does it take? At present it feels like a cycle - 2 months of bliss, 2 weeks of hell, 2 months of bliss, 2 weeks of hell, etc. I'm starting to feel a bit numb to the whole thing. I used to think the angst she put me through was a positive sign that we were both emotionally invested in each other because our love was so strong. Not any more.
Whillo Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 It sounds like your wife was hurt awfully bad in a prior relationship. When you've been lied to by the person you love most in the world, it's pretty hard to heal. It seems like you love her. I would say to just be an open book. Don't put a lock on your phone. Hand it to her and let her catch you being honest and open instead of finding something scary and suspicious. On the same note, she needs to not have any secrets from you. Passwords on emails, phones, forums and anything people use nowadays to conduct affairs should not be private. If you never did anything to hurt her, you're 10 steps ahead already. Hide what you're doing and insist on having your privacy will only make things worse. Ideally, you should NOT have someone going through your stuff, but she's scared and if she matters to you, it seems a small price. Just remind her that it's a two way street. (Hate to say it, but sometimes people are very suspicious of others when they themselves have something to hide.)
Author Schwartzenegger Posted January 7, 2009 Author Posted January 7, 2009 Thanks Whillo. You are right, she was cheated on by the very ex she contacted and chatted to, and she was understandably hurt - after all, they were together for 7 years or so. And no, done nothing wrong, I've been nothing but the best man to her I could possibly be. Girls at work are jealous as all hell when i tell them all what I do for her. But I feel the things i do are almost 'expected' now and not appreciated. I have tried being an open book - I've told her everything, shown her my phone, left my phone lying around, told her when my ex called and what was said etc etc. However, she will still go through my phone, or bank statement (lying on a table mind you) and find something in it she feels is suspicious and warrants further investigation. When she gets in that mode, I can instantly tell. Sometimes she lets it go, and two days later we're happy and normal, but a lot of the time she'll ask me a sly question or two about it. I instantly get very defensive because I know exactly what she's doing. I then question her trust for me which gets her fired up and it's all on. That's why i figured locking the phone might help. i've never tried it. It seems that she'll find ANYTHING to get suspicious about (even if i get a wrong number calling me, she'll interrogate as to who it was, male or female, etc etc). Horrible way to live. If the phone is locked, she wont be tempted to go through it, and maybe she'll break this bad habit. I'm sure it's a habit... she's probably hooked on that good feeling you get when you don't find anything bad. I was also going to tell her that if she ever felt the need to look through my phone, she could ask me at any time and I'd gladly go through it with her, answering any of her questions about numbers, dialling them in front of her, etc, just to prove there's nothing going on. her mind races when she sees an unknown number or something and her thoughts are irrational and it goes out of control (according to her psych), so if I'm there I can instantly prove there's nothing to think about.
Geishawhelk Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 She desperately needs counselling. This is irrational and completely unreasonable. I think (if you'll pardon me saying so) you need to "grow a pair" and give her an ultimatum. Explain she's driving you away, and that unless you BOTH go to counselling together, she'll find herself on her own again. You may not mean this, but really, you do have to give her a reality check.
luvstarved Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Wow, you sound like a really loving guy who has the capacity to do whatever you can to improve things...good for you! If things are going well 80% of the time as you suggest, then, first of all, that ain't too bad. As far as the jealousy thing, I have read that it can be transference, such as from her ex to you...or also that it can be an indication that the accuser is the guilty party! That is at least partly true - she was accusing you of contacting YOUR ex when in fact she was contacting HER ex... I have heard that in this scenario she could be thinking that if she is having thoughts about her ex, then you must be having thoughts about your ex and while she knows her thoughts are ultimately nonthreatening to the marriage, she feels less sure about yours. The variations on this kind of theme are endless and without the benefit of mindreading skills, it is hard to be certain... In the end, my gut instinct from what you have written is that it is plain old insecurity. I have a suggestion, for what it's worth. Keep in mind that no matter how ridiculous her accusations may be, the FEELINGS that her fears invoke in her are VERY REAL. So...perhaps as a starting point, you could talk with her and tell her that...you feel powerless in these situations and do not know how to help. That you can UNDERSTAND how she would be upset and angry if the things she feared were actually true. That you WANT to reassure her but that you aren't sure how to...give her an opening to express her emotions without being judged for them or dismissed as silly. EVEN though you know the fears are unfounded... they exist nonetheless. Then tell her that you would like to get some input from her on what would reassure her and hopefully this will open a dialog in which the two of you can increase mutual understanding, and by so doing, decrease the feelings of insecurity... 80% bliss is pretty good. To some extent, you might have to accept some of this behavior as her flaw...or decide that you are unable to accept it and move on. But I would try a good dose of empathy before sprinkling the Miracle Gro on your balls. Yes, you do have to stand up for what is important or necessary for your own well being ultimately but life is always going to be full of trade offs and sometimes you have to look at the big picture, remember the positives, and honestly assess the cost/benefit ratio in the relationship... Best wishes...
OneTwo Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 I think she is reeling from a guilty conscious. I think she has cheated. I might be wrong, but it sure seems that way to me. I bet if you press the issue, you will find the truth.
lonelyandfrustrated Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Well, here's an obvious solution: go no-contact with your ex. I mean really, you're married to someone else now, your wife obviously has a problem with your continued contact with your ex (no kids, right? no kids=no reason to stay in touch imho), why are you letting your ex get in the middle of your current marriage? You and your wife get on the phone and call your ex and tell her that you no longer want to receive any contact from her. Easy! Sheesh.
Adamagnet Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Her suspicion made me suspicious of her - so I (not proud of this) went through her phone and sure enough found numerous texts and calls to her ex boyfriend dating back a couple of months. I confronted her and she was incredibly apologetic and things were awesome for a couple of months, because she actually seemed to respect me! Did you see any of the content? Did you have any suspicion of infidelity on her part?
mr314man Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 to the OP... your wife and my wife must be sisters. I could have written your opening post word for word. There is one slight difference: she was suspicious of me from the get go. Insanely. fast forward two years and she "keylogged" my computer and found I'd never exactly severed an emotional relationship with an ex. since the discovery, I've broken off whatever I had with the ex... given her phone codes, passwords, everything is open. i expected to be in the doghouse for a while. its been three months. we go to MC, etc. From the beginning of her discovery, i predicted that she was the type who would NEVER get past the hurt, that the affair would control our lives, and that I felt things were permanently changed. i love her. she is a snoop. digs through the trash. eavesdrops. drives by my work. acts like me and emails friends. is suspicious of female friends... hers even. psycho type things. like the OP stated, it is bliss for a few weeks, then she reaches back and drags everything up and "re-prosecutes" me. i have a "lolttery wife" and don't know which one I will get when i come home from work. she's "heavy" about everything, slightly catastrophic in her thinking, has "body image" issues, has always been insecure. i hurt her. i admit. i was in the wrong. i validated her snoopiness with some ridiculous online email thing. i am now paying for it. in the end, its her snoopiness that makes someone else more attractive... i am married to my probation officer. my wife has morphed into a Dr. Phillis. if there was ever a person to not cheat on because that person would be crazy the rest of her days... its my wife. i've blown it. the negative guy in me thinks: "This marriage is a lame dog... time to put it down." I am certainly in the wrong. She controls the show now. She knows it and it sucks. i ramble.
Author Schwartzenegger Posted January 9, 2009 Author Posted January 9, 2009 Well, here's an obvious solution: go no-contact with your ex. I mean really, you're married to someone else now, your wife obviously has a problem with your continued contact with your ex (no kids, right? no kids=no reason to stay in touch imho), why are you letting your ex get in the middle of your current marriage? You and your wife get on the phone and call your ex and tell her that you no longer want to receive any contact from her. Easy! Sheesh. "Sheesh?" Is that really necessary? It's not the fact that my ex might call once a year that is the problem - it's the thought that she's calling me and I'm not telling my wife about it, which isn't true. I never contact my ex, for any reason. If she calls me, then I am short but civil to her, tell her how happy I am, etc. We did part on good terms and I do wish her all the best in life, and telling her to "Never contact me ever again" seems uneccesarily harsh. My ex has moved on, has a new relationship and has had a baby with this man, and I feel happy for her that she's finally got what she wanted (I never wanted kids with her cause I knew our relationship was doomed). I'm the one that called off our relationship. Does anyone else think that me not demanding my ex stop calling is what is the root of my wife's insecurities?
Author Schwartzenegger Posted January 9, 2009 Author Posted January 9, 2009 Did you see any of the content? Did you have any suspicion of infidelity on her part? No, I never saw any of the content. I have heard her speak to him on the phone a long time ago, and seen one or two texts, and they were nothing. He seems to want to be the one to stay in contact with her through her whole life because I think he'll always love her and regret losing her, and I think she (always wanting to be the nice girl) just can't tell him to leave her alone. I don't have any suspicion of infidelity on her part at all.
Author Schwartzenegger Posted January 9, 2009 Author Posted January 9, 2009 Wow, you sound like a really loving guy who has the capacity to do whatever you can to improve things...good for you! If things are going well 80% of the time as you suggest, then, first of all, that ain't too bad. As far as the jealousy thing, I have read that it can be transference, such as from her ex to you...or also that it can be an indication that the accuser is the guilty party! That is at least partly true - she was accusing you of contacting YOUR ex when in fact she was contacting HER ex... I have heard that in this scenario she could be thinking that if she is having thoughts about her ex, then you must be having thoughts about your ex and while she knows her thoughts are ultimately nonthreatening to the marriage, she feels less sure about yours. The variations on this kind of theme are endless and without the benefit of mindreading skills, it is hard to be certain... In the end, my gut instinct from what you have written is that it is plain old insecurity. I have a suggestion, for what it's worth. Keep in mind that no matter how ridiculous her accusations may be, the FEELINGS that her fears invoke in her are VERY REAL. So...perhaps as a starting point, you could talk with her and tell her that...you feel powerless in these situations and do not know how to help. That you can UNDERSTAND how she would be upset and angry if the things she feared were actually true. That you WANT to reassure her but that you aren't sure how to...give her an opening to express her emotions without being judged for them or dismissed as silly. EVEN though you know the fears are unfounded... they exist nonetheless. Then tell her that you would like to get some input from her on what would reassure her and hopefully this will open a dialog in which the two of you can increase mutual understanding, and by so doing, decrease the feelings of insecurity... 80% bliss is pretty good. To some extent, you might have to accept some of this behavior as her flaw...or decide that you are unable to accept it and move on. But I would try a good dose of empathy before sprinkling the Miracle Gro on your balls. Yes, you do have to stand up for what is important or necessary for your own well being ultimately but life is always going to be full of trade offs and sometimes you have to look at the big picture, remember the positives, and honestly assess the cost/benefit ratio in the relationship... Best wishes... Luvstarved - thank you SO MUCH for this. This is really helpful. I do need advice on how to handle her when she gets in the 'mode' and all worked up over nothing. I think my current reaction to her irrational behaviour is fuelling the fire, and what you said about her feelings being real to her is 100% spot on. I'm guess I'm guilty of trying to dismiss her irrational behaviour and trying to make her see sense instantly, instead of showing that I understand she is having an irrational attack and that I don't know how to comfort her. Your words will help me greatly next time it happens. She's asked that when she gets like that, that I should leave her alone and let her come to her senses by herself. For an hour later she usually feels ridiculous she even thought that way and apologises to me. You're right - 80% bliss is a good starting point And by the way we're back to bliss again now, even after I said I was out having a beer with the guys after work for an hour! Thanks again - it really helps.
Author Schwartzenegger Posted January 9, 2009 Author Posted January 9, 2009 to the OP... your wife and my wife must be sisters. I could have written your opening post word for word. There is one slight difference: she was suspicious of me from the get go. Insanely. fast forward two years and she "keylogged" my computer and found I'd never exactly severed an emotional relationship with an ex. since the discovery, I've broken off whatever I had with the ex... given her phone codes, passwords, everything is open. i expected to be in the doghouse for a while. its been three months. we go to MC, etc. From the beginning of her discovery, i predicted that she was the type who would NEVER get past the hurt, that the affair would control our lives, and that I felt things were permanently changed. i love her. she is a snoop. digs through the trash. eavesdrops. drives by my work. acts like me and emails friends. is suspicious of female friends... hers even. psycho type things. like the OP stated, it is bliss for a few weeks, then she reaches back and drags everything up and "re-prosecutes" me. i have a "lolttery wife" and don't know which one I will get when i come home from work. she's "heavy" about everything, slightly catastrophic in her thinking, has "body image" issues, has always been insecure. i hurt her. i admit. i was in the wrong. i validated her snoopiness with some ridiculous online email thing. i am now paying for it. in the end, its her snoopiness that makes someone else more attractive... i am married to my probation officer. my wife has morphed into a Dr. Phillis. if there was ever a person to not cheat on because that person would be crazy the rest of her days... its my wife. i've blown it. the negative guy in me thinks: "This marriage is a lame dog... time to put it down." I am certainly in the wrong. She controls the show now. She knows it and it sucks. i ramble. Shame you emotionally cheated, because it sort of warrants her behaviour now I guess. Stick with it, keep being an open book, and hopefully one day she'll relax a bit! Yeah my wife also has body image issues - she was anorexic at one stage when she was 21 (she's now 27). It's silly, because she has the hottest body you've ever seen (including abs!) and is gorgeously adorable, especially when she smiles. She has men (and women) fawning over her constantly - yet she still feels unattractive and 'fat'. I've never been able to help her with her body image. The major problem I have with constant 'investigations' and sly questions about where I am, who I'm with, who's called, what I'm thinking etc etc, is that it displays ZERO trust in me. Trust is the most important thing for me, and if I don't feel trusted, then I don't feel loved. She tells me that I need to 'not react' to her suspicions because they are her insecurities speaking and not necessarily a reflection on her trust for me. But I am having a hard time doing this. When she accuses me of things, no matter how irrational, I feel so hurt by it and she just doesn't understand why it hurts me.
lonelyandfrustrated Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 "Sheesh?" Is that really necessary? Does anyone else think that me not demanding my ex stop calling is what is the root of my wife's insecurities? Sorry--my own 'tude interfering. I don't think it's the root cause, but I do think it's not helping.
2sure Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 Your wife seems to be aware of her problem since she is seeing a professional about it...are you going together? I ask because certainly it is a problem affecting the marriage and you both. I have learned here , through other posters, that sometimes all issues in a marriage can be helped when both parties learn to "argue" with ground rules - keeps it from escalating, keeps the past from being dragged up. Its a learned skill. A skill used in communicating when we are arguing. Your wife's perception, her paranoia is going to keep having her find things that make her suspicious whether or not they are factual or even real. Thats a tough position for you to be in. While she is dealing with this issue, and while your marriage is building up a good history of trust, forgiveness, and other good things....you have to find a way to deal with the anger that erupts from both of you.
luvstarved Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 Luvstarved - thank you SO MUCH for this. This is really helpful. I do need advice on how to handle her when she gets in the 'mode' and all worked up over nothing. I think my current reaction to her irrational behaviour is fuelling the fire, and what you said about her feelings being real to her is 100% spot on. I'm guess I'm guilty of trying to dismiss her irrational behaviour and trying to make her see sense instantly, instead of showing that I understand she is having an irrational attack and that I don't know how to comfort her. Your words will help me greatly next time it happens. She's asked that when she gets like that, that I should leave her alone and let her come to her senses by herself. For an hour later she usually feels ridiculous she even thought that way and apologises to me. You're right - 80% bliss is a good starting point And by the way we're back to bliss again now, even after I said I was out having a beer with the guys after work for an hour! Thanks again - it really helps. Just a little more food for thought - don't EVER tell an irrational person that they are being irrational!!! I am not sure either that I entirely buy the "leave her alone" approach even though she suggests you do this. It is GREAT that she acknowledges the problem, but that will not by itself make it disappear, but is the first step...it will probably never entirely disappear but should get better as you both seem to have good heads on your shoulders. In my experience, though, just leaving someone alone who is having doubts about you only ratchets up the doubts...I do think she is right in that it should not get into an anger and defense cycle, and that backing off a bit might be a good idea...but not to the point of any sort of patronizing "well I am disappearing while you enjoy your funk, let me know when you're 'over it'" What she is looking for primarily I think is reassurance. But, how do you reassure someone who is treating you with unfounded suspicion? This is something of a trial and error deal. She probably herself would not be able to tell you what would work. But, if you just approach things with the mindset that she is a person who needs extra reassurance in general...call it needy if you like but some people are just like that, and would it kill ya to show her a little extra how much you love her???...then it might be easier to take these "episodes" and enable you to treat them with compassion...you're both just trying to get something you need emotionally, in the end....and giving it to each other is a big part of what you're together for... There is of course also the fact that these suspicions hurt your feelings. She needs to understand that too. In fact, the solution here will ultimately come down to mutual understanding...and respect for each other's feelings. When she gets like that, as I said before, it is important to show that you understand her bad feelings...but she does need to underrstand yours too. Like, honey, I can understand how upsetting it can be to worry that the one you love is doing something to betray you. It is also upsetting to feel that the one you love does not trust you. I love you very much and am sorry that you worry like this and am here to try to help you to not worry, but I also need you to think well of me and trust that I am not deceiving you! I know you can't help these feelings and will give you your space to deal with them but please remember that when this happens it is hurtful to me too...or something like that... I think you guys are going to be ok...!!!
You'reasian Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 Schwartzenegger, Take your woman out tonight. Treat her to a nice meal, tell her that you love her and more importantly, want her. Give her a night of warm love and hot sex. Gaze into her beautiful eyes and tell her how much you love and need her. Spoil her. I know she might be getting insecure, but wooing her would be good assurance and certainly strengthen your bonds. I hope this works out for the both of you Afterwards, tell her that the two of you need to work on trust and have a long talk about what happened and why? If you can't make a resolution and move forward, perhaps you should seek relationship counselling. Best of luck!
Jada Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 You need to tell her that her insecurity and jealousy is chipping at your relationship and sooner or later it is going to fall apart. It seems she has one rule for you and another for herself.
manugeorge Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 Quote: I love her to death and would do anything for her, but honestly it feels unrequited despite her professions every 5 hours that she loves me. And I feel a change in how I think about her. I think my love for her might be falling for the intermittent, but recurring suspicions levelled at me. They are damaging our relationship more than she realises. I'm sorry but that is your problem right there. Once a doormat.... I say this because I use to be like your wife and I dated a guy just like you and I took him to hell and back before finally dumping him. I later realized the error of my ways after karma caught up to me. "Doing anything" for someone you love shouldn't include tolerating blatant disrespect and and bad behavior just to get along. Set boundaries, up to and including a break-up. 80% of bliss means absolutely nothing if it's coupled with 20% of hell. A good relationship is even keeled. Blissfull moments, dull moments and few sprinkles of hell that is not intentionally inflicted each other. Like someone else said, you continue to indulge her and you watch your 80% of bliss gradually dwindle. You've only been together for 2 years. What do you think things will be like 6 years from now?
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