DreDre Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 So I've been in a committed relationship for almost a month now and it seems like I can't stand it anymore. I'm jealous and frustrated but I feel like I have my reasons to be. We really love each other and she's very open about what and where she's going but she only hangs out with guy friends. She's been hanging out with guys alone and they've been going to "date" places like museums, walking across Golden Gate, movies, what not. She says I need to learn to trust her but am I wrong to be jealous of the fact she's going out with a guy by herself? I wouldn't mind her hanging out in groups but it's just hard for me when I know she's out with guys by herself and she barely calls. Do I just have to trust her? Every time I tell her how I feel she says I'm being too jealous. I've been sick to my stomach the last week just thinking about this and I'm thinking of giving up but I don't want to. I want to try and save it. I should also note that these are guys that she's recently met online. Not guys that have been friends with her before we started dating.
crazieshnurple Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 She has no reason to be meeting guys online. Is she new to the area? Did you meet her online? Sounds suspicious to me.
Author DreDre Posted January 7, 2009 Author Posted January 7, 2009 I met her through a social networking site like facebook and we hit it off and started a relationship a month back. She's good looking and she keeps letting guys take her out even if she says to me it's just as friends. I can trust her, but I can't trust the guys. And I feel that every time she's out with a guy I'm slowly losing her. Side note, she's been gone since 8am with this guy and it's now 10:30pm. I have a feeling I can't do this anymore. This is getting rediculous. Meeting up with a guy she's talked to a couple of times online.
audrey_1 Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 Um, this sounds like a terrible situation to put yourself in. I can say that if I wanted to be with you, I wouldn't be finding guys online to spend all day with. Is she new to the city? Does she not have a group of established friends? Yes, it sounds fishy. She's searching for something, or isn't someone you should trust with your heart. Some people simply don't want to do long distance, because they need someone closer. They need that 2-3 times a week time spent. It sounds like you may need to look elsewhere. You will probably be hurt if you keep investing your emotions. Edit: And if you met her through Facebook, then maybe you should just realize you're one of many she's meeting online. She's just in it for the fun for now, I think.
awesomeness43 Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 how old are you guys? is this a college type long distance thing? have you met in person or how far apart? i understand because i at first felt where you were coming from as i am in and ldr too and we go to seperate universities though we did meet in different pretenses.
Author DreDre Posted January 7, 2009 Author Posted January 7, 2009 We live 450 miles from each other and yes we met 2 weeks ago for the first time. I've slept with her and she was a virgin or she claims. Now I'm not sure. I thought me being her first would make her latch on to me even more but now I feel like there's more distance than anything. She has lived in her city for 1 1/2 years and doesn't have many friends at all. She actually just lost 2 of her best friends because they didn't want to be her friends anymore. She says she loves and can't ever think of losing me but I'm up at 1:50am worried sick of what's going on cause she hasn't called me. Even worse is that she's supposed to come see in me 2 days. My body and mind can't take this much emotional stress and if this is the way it's going to be then I see no other choice but to end it.
TMichaels Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 She says she loves and can't ever think of losing me but I'm up at 1:50am worried sick of what's going on cause she hasn't called me. Even worse is that she's supposed to come see in me 2 days. My body and mind can't take this much emotional stress and if this is the way it's going to be then I see no other choice but to end it. DreDre, I think the two of you need to have a serious talk when you see each other in two days. Tell her what you've told us here, and let her know her actions are speaking louder than her words which is why you're concerned about whether the relationship should continue. Though the two of you already have been intimate, I'd also back off in that department, if I were you. That level of closeness -- especially so soon in a relationship -- often messes with your head. You need to be able to think clearly in order to sort this out and decide whether you want to be in a LDR with her. Mutual trust and commitment are key in LDRs and it sounds as if you have neither at this point. Continuing to be physically intimate in the hope that it will bring you closer isn't a good game plan. If you doubt that, look at where it has gotten you with her, to date... After she visits and the two of you talk, if you're convinced she's sincere, then give it another go. If not, get out as you won't be able to trust her and will just end up tearing yourself apart emotionally from trying to make it work. Hope this helps. Keep us posted on how things go... Best, TMichaels
stuart Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 Being in love shouldn`t make you feel this horrible way.If she knows of your concerns,and she REALLY loves you,she wouldn`t ever want to make you feel this way...and therefore she would address the problem.My girlfriend has a few guy mates too from when before I met her and I have one or two female mates but theres no way either of us would find it acceptable to be chatting to or meeting up with new members of the opposite sex now.You cant change people,nor should you,but a little tweaking here and there is usually needed on both sides.If she isn`t prepared to do this for you,then maybe you should move on. I dont think many people would enjoy going through what you are experiencing.Hope you get things sorted.
LikeCharlotte Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 Being in love shouldn`t make you feel this horrible way.If she knows of your concerns,and she REALLY loves you,she wouldn`t ever want to make you feel this way...I need to say this stuart. Please don't fall into the trap of how love should or should not make you feel or worse the "if you really love me" trap. I'm sure you know that there is no specific way that you should feel with love... sometimes it downright hurts (wouldn't if you weren't in love would it?). As for those other words... gosh, do I have to say it? We can hope that the girl addreses it but it is no indication of love. Each person acts and reacts differently and attaching all that meaning to an action defeats the purpose. My girlfriend has a few guy mates too from when before I met her and I have one or two female mates but theres no way either of us would find it acceptable to be chatting to or meeting up with new members of the opposite sex now.You cant change people,nor should you,but a little tweaking here and there is usually needed on both sides.If she isn`t prepared to do this for you,then maybe you should move on. I dont think many people would enjoy going through what you are experiencing.Hope you get things sorted.Ahh... I agree with you here but I think OP is still freshly involved. Sometimes it takes time to get to the point where you and your SO know how to keep eachother in mind when making decisions. Lets hope for his sake OP can have the same assurance as stuart after a little chat. OP- Just keep lines of communication open and go slowly. If you are going to do LD there is no room for jealousy (trust me I learned the hard way). You will know soon enough if this is something you can realistically keep doing. GL!
Author DreDre Posted January 7, 2009 Author Posted January 7, 2009 Well I laid it all out there, I wrote it in an email cause we hardly ever talk on the phone or webcam as of late and I needed to get it out in a way I felt I could express how I felt. She was MSN with me while reading it and logged off without saying a word. I think that pretty much answered my question.
LikeCharlotte Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Wow. I'm sorry. That's really cold... just wow. Take heart, at least you won't be wondering anymore.
You'reasian Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 I met her through a social networking site like facebook and we hit it off and started a relationship a month back. She's good looking and she keeps letting guys take her out even if she says to me it's just as friends. I can trust her, but I can't trust the guys. And I feel that every time she's out with a guy I'm slowly losing her. Side note, she's been gone since 8am with this guy and it's now 10:30pm. I have a feeling I can't do this anymore. This is getting rediculous. Meeting up with a guy she's talked to a couple of times online. Wouldn't worry about it DreDre. Pay attention to the woman's actions, not her words. Then make your final decision and do what you know how to do
amerikajin Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Well I laid it all out there, I wrote it in an email cause we hardly ever talk on the phone or webcam as of late and I needed to get it out in a way I felt I could express how I felt. She was MSN with me while reading it and logged off without saying a word. I think that pretty much answered my question. You fell in love way too quickly and became way too clingy. Sorry, but I'm afraid the party's over. First off, be realistic about long-distance relationships. They don't work unless there's either a history already or an exceptionally high level of interest among both parties, and that's very rare. LDR's can work over time if both people are committed, but in this case, it was clear that she was only lukewarm. She hangs out with other guys and she has you at a distance. This girl clearly needs options, and unfortunately you were just one of several. I don't know...if it were me I probably would have just backed off and taken what's available. A good shag partner perhaps.
stuart Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 We all see things differently LIKECHARLOTTE(im not shouting btw lol)thats why this forum is so good.Im not entirely sure what you meant by...As for those other words... gosh, do I have to say it?...im afraid I sometimes get misunderstood slightly by my girlfriend re our slight differences in the way you guys say or mean something over there compared to the way we say or mean something in the UK.Just wondered if you and your SO ever have any problems relating to our different cultures between the U.S and the UK?What I mean is,it took me a long while to be able to be ok with my SO hanging out with guy friends.I may be wrong and its only my opinion but not many people over here are cool for their SO to hang out with the other sex.Im 100% ok with it now but it really did take some adjusting on my part,and also that big word TRUST.Just for the record in case you wondered,I have never actually hung out with any other females whilst dating a girl,but I wouldn`t see it as a problem for ME to do this now,I just think that over here the female may well get the wrong idea and just presume that there was more to it.Maybe your SO can confirm?I hope you things work out for you guys and you get over here soon,im sure you will love it here
Author DreDre Posted January 8, 2009 Author Posted January 8, 2009 We both fell in love quick and we did have a heart to heart and felt that maybe this was going much faster than we thought. She's not looking for other options and she just wants to meet people strictly for friends. It's not a dating site I just want to make that clear again. We're going to take a break and get our heads straightened out and see where it goes. Take a step back to hopefully take 2 steps forward but if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. Count my losses and move on. The whole thing about thinking of her as just a great shag, no.
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