exclusive. Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 Okay, so here is my story; She broke up with me in November, we got back together few days later but her friends play way too much influence in her life and a month down the line we have another argument and I break up with her because she constantly put them in front of me and didnt really wanna see me. But when she went out with her friends, would ring me up drunk when she got back to say she wished I had gone out and she missed me so much and loved me like anything. Anyway, she tells me she needs NC space. I am the worst person to carry this through, I always crack. 3 weeks down the line I have tried talking to her say every 4 days, talking through things, trying to understand why she doesnt want me anymore. What I got was that she felt that she wanted to be single. That her last boyfriend controlled her life to the point she wouldnt go out with her friends to make him happy. That she wasnt breaking up with me to meet other guys but the fact she didnt want to have to think about someone else with her actions. Because she was struggling with university work and wanted to be a girly girl with her friends and felt she had no time to keep me happy as I was quite demanding. So, I accepted it a week ago but my friend decides he hates to see me so depressed and low that he contacts her off his own back. He emails her to ask her if she is 100% with her decision and what he got back was: She still loves me loads and loads, the break up is hurting her as much as it is me.Had we met outside of univerity and all the pressures of doing well, friends etc we would be together forever.That she felt what she had done was the right thing (to split up) but would know in the future it would bite her in the arse and that its a mistake.Wanted to be friends with me, on the open possibilty we could maybe get back together. My friend then relayed the information to me and I cracked again, I broke NC and I asked her about all the things she had told my friend. Her response to me was that she only told my friend what she did because he said he wouldnt tell me and that she still feels that splitting up is right and that she is happy being single and can feel herself sorting her life out. So, I came to the decision that okay - I will be friends. I will sit in the wing and let her be happy whilst she sorts herself out as NC to me is pretty painful. Especially as she said to my friend she would love to have me as a friend in case her mind did change. She turned around and said no, that my constant contact with her is actually pushing her away, that she has been stringing me along and has no intention of ever getting back with me and she is not ready to be friends - I got angry and said NC is fine by me but truth is, I still want her back did she say this just to hurt me and stop me hoping because shes still confused? I am going on holiday this Saturday for a week snowboarding so that will help me do the NC bit. But is this completely over? or does she need the space to really do some thinking? Why did she tell my friend what she did? and then when I question it throw it all in my face? Im pretty confused, but I know I would like to think if she does change her mind she will contact me. What do you guys think?
kizik Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 ...is this completely over? or does she need the space to really do some thinking?... What do you guys think? Anytime you're asking "is this over?", the fact is that it should be. No happy and mutually respectful couple has any doubts about their relationship. If she needs space, give it to her. But expect to give her eternal space. You definitely need to come to grips with the fact that your relationship is over. Even if it's not officially, you need to check out. Start respecting yourself and stop waiting for her to tell you if you are a couple. YOU are ONE HALF of the relationship. Don't ever forget that. It's over, move on, don't talk to her. Leave her alone and get back to who you were before the relationship.
Helioz Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 My man, im not gonna sugar coat this for you but this is gonna hurt like a b*tch!! Letting go and accepting that its over is probably the hardest thing during a breakup, i know cause im a month into it now and honestly i dont even fully believe that were completely over because my mind doesnt want to accept; but what matters is that im getting there, little by little, inch by inch, day by day. You definitely need to leave her alone and respect yourself enough to where you dont go begging back. I know hope is probably the last thing that dies because honestly i myself still have lingering hope, but i know that i must be patient with myself and i need to give myself time. If she ever decides to give you another chance thats great, but you CANNOT live your life waiting on something that may never happen. You have to live your life as if that chance will never come because unfortunately my friend, that is the most certain of outcomes. Hang in there i know this is hell, but im right there with ya.
Author exclusive. Posted January 7, 2009 Author Posted January 7, 2009 I guess my biggest confusion is; why did she tell my friend what she did? I don't get, if it was a bunch of lies then she's a completely idiot for making them up as it proves nothing? and if they aren't lies, then what's she doing putting us both through the hurt and the pain? Im just so glad I have a snowboarding holiday this weekend, atleast that has something for me to drive towards. But thank you for your posts. It's nice to get some fresh advice.
Author exclusive. Posted January 7, 2009 Author Posted January 7, 2009 Argh, its been running through my mind all day - seriously why did she say all those nice things to my friend and then turn around and tell me its over and she doesnt wanna get back with me. When she turned around and said the opposite to my friend, who she felt was not going to tell me!!
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