gollygee Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 I need some advice about a relationship that I am in. My bf has told me that he finds looking at women irresistible, but is worried that he will offend me. He has decided that he has a personality defect of sort and needs to work on not noticing other women. I told him that I think he is going above and beyond what is called for in this situation. I find it a little ridiculous. Am I a bad girlfriend or just realistic?
D-Lish Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 I look at good looking people, or just people in general when I am out and about. I would never let my guy see that I do it though. I don't think it's a personality defect, I think it's normal. As long as he isn't giving himself whiplash in your presence, it wouldn't bother me. It doesn't sound like it bothers you either? If that's the case, why does he see it as a problem? What have you said to him about it?
Author gollygee Posted January 7, 2009 Author Posted January 7, 2009 Why does he see it as a problem? I am not sure. I guess the problem I have is that he makes it seem like a problem in that he brings it up a lot. I am not sure how to take this. I look at people also, I think it is normal, but I don't draw attention to the fact the way that he does. Could he be trying to make me jealous or am I missing the point? We are a fairly new couple, btw.
D-Lish Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 It could be possible he is trying to make you jealous. I'm not sure of a good reason for drawing attention to it! I do it, but I am discreet. It is a little odd that he wants to make a big deak out of it. Of course telling you so is going to put the seed of insecurity in your head this early in a relationship.
Trialbyfire Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 You could always offer him a neck-brace, autographed by you with a HUGE heart on it, lipstick kisses and hugs. This way, he never has to worry about whiplash or that anyone would confuse him for single, regardless of how much he has to oggle anyone. Why not ask him if this was a big issue in his last relationship or why exactly he feels the need to express this so often?
Author gollygee Posted January 7, 2009 Author Posted January 7, 2009 LOLOLOL! Good one. I will ask him those questions.
porter218 Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 He is probably trying to make you jealous. My best friends H does this and I always laugh when he starts to talk about it because he is very obvious about looking for a reaction from her. He will even flip it around and talk about how someone was looking at him or how some young girl came up to him to hit on him:laugh:...I just find it pathetic if you feel the need to evoke jealousy from your SO.
Trialbyfire Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 Someone should create an oggle-meter. As soon as a guy or girl has hit their limit of rubbernecking, it beeps loudly for every time they exceed their limit. This way, it trains them to discreetly move their eyeballs, without any panting, drooling or 360 degree Exorcist neck rotations!
4dviceJunki3 Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 He can shop but he doesn't have to buy! Simple as that
wuggle Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 IMO he needs to lighten up on himself. My wife always tells me that ALL blokes are rubbish at hiding not noticing women, IMO it's genetic, were supposed to notice, we just need to try not to ogle.
Author gollygee Posted January 12, 2009 Author Posted January 12, 2009 Thanks for all of the advice! He worries that he offends me because he says that I tend to shrink away from him, at those times. I think when we first started dating, this might have been the case, but not anymore. Of course, I feel more at ease with him now and we have quite a wonderful connection. He says that I should claim him as my own. Perhaps, he mentions it just to remind me of his effort.
Trialbyfire Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 He says that I should claim him as my own. Okay, now this is meaningful! In what way does he feel, you're not doing this? What does he need from you? Jealous fits every time?
Author gollygee Posted January 12, 2009 Author Posted January 12, 2009 No, I think it is that he just doesn't want me to shrink away. I asked him and I believe him. I think I initially did this because we weren't serious and I truly did not want to ruin his chances with others. Now that we are serious, he would like for me to claim him, in whatever fashion, be it a kiss or a squeeze, you know. Certainly, his intentions are all good.
Trialbyfire Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 In what way do you shrink away? It would really help if you provided a bit more information gollygee.
Author gollygee Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 The person who recommended I ask him about it all, was right. I did. I am satisfied. I thank everyone for their thoughts.
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