Fun9455 Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 I was dating a women for two months. Everything was going great. One night when we were making out. I said something that offended her. I asked her about it, but she said every thing was fine, as I was leaving that night. When I saw her next, a few days later, she said she just wanted a platonic relationship with me. I felt very rejected and said no. I called later to talk, she responded by e-mail that she could not tell me what I wanted to hear, and hoped that we could be friends. I left her a note apologizing, and she responded with appreciation, but reiterating that at this time our romantic relationship was over, and hoped that we could be freinds. That was three weeks ago. I want to be freinds with her, and do not hold out hope that we will get back together, but I do love her (which I have not told her). Is there room in a freindship for one person feeling more for the other? I am not sure how she feels. It was so abrupt, I think she might be acting out of past hurt. Can a "Platonic relationship" mean a love relationship without a sexual component? Should I contact her or leave well enough alone? Thank you for your feedback
BCCA Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 If youre in fact in love with this woman, why torment yourself with a frienship? Do you want her to tell you about guys she met and ask for advice? Because thats what friends do... You'll never know all her motives, and it doesnt matter. Leave well enough alone. Maybe, someday youll have moved on and can entertain the friendship. But its going to take a while to really accept that shes looking to date someone else. And usually, when youve been "friend-zoned", there is no going back.
samspade Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 If your feelings are stronger than hers, a friendship is going to take a toll on your emotions, and satisfy hers. Her friendship, in this case, is a consolation prize for you. By accepting it, you are letting her off the hook and accepting the relationship under her terms. I'm not blaming her for no longer having interest in you...that is how it goes and you are wise to accept that. However, it does not mean you should feel obligated to be her friend and give her attention when she will not give you what you truly want. By rejecting her offer for friendship, you are standing up for yourself as a man. You didn't ask her out to be friends, so if she is not interested in a romantic relationship, then you should make clear that you have better things to do than to be her girlfriend-with-a-penis. I'm sure she has plenty of friends already. UNLESS you TRULY don't mind being platonic, in which case, more power to you.
samspade Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 hen you should make clear that you have better things to do than to be her girlfriend-with-a-penis. note: You don't have to say it in so many words or be rude about it! haha. But you CAN say something like, "I'm not looking for platonic relationships right now, but thank you."
Frankasy Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 I've said it before here too, friendship can be turned into love but love can't be turned into friendship. You dated, made out etc etc and now you're gonna grab a cup of coffee together, talk about different subjects one of which might be love/dating and feel normal about it? You're gonna shake her hand when you used to kiss her before? Basically here's what's gonna happen if you choose to remain friends with her: The first few meetings will be normal or at least you'll both try to act normal than one of you is gonna find someone else, the other(You or her depending on who finds the other person) is gonna act ok at first, can't stand it anymore, do something stupid where one of you two will get hurt. I never talk to any of the girls I've been in relationships with, had sympathy for or gone after. No contact is the best option here.
audrey_1 Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 I've said it before here too, friendship can be turned into love but love can't be turned into friendship. You dated, made out etc etc and now you're gonna grab a cup of coffee together, talk about different subjects one of which might be love/dating and feel normal about it? You're gonna shake her hand when you used to kiss her before? Basically here's what's gonna happen if you choose to remain friends with her: The first few meetings will be normal or at least you'll both try to act normal than one of you is gonna find someone else, the other(You or her depending on who finds the other person) is gonna act ok at first, can't stand it anymore, do something stupid where one of you two will get hurt. I never talk to any of the girls I've been in relationships with, had sympathy for or gone after. No contact is the best option here. I agree with all of this. My ex and I had coffee last Saturday afternoon. Usually he would ask me over afterward, or give me a hug when I left, or we would have driven there together. We met separately, and the conversation was okay but not like before. I realized that he was pretty comfortable in his new relationship, and that I was an ego boost or he was just trying to be "civil." I knew I was still invested and was hurting terribly when I left. He just upped and abruptly left, probably because he didn't want me to do it first, but before he left, asked me to call him on my way out of town the next day and we'd meet up for coffee again. I sent him an email that night saying I wasn't ready, and that I was going to leave town without calling or spending time. I don't need to drag the situation out, when all it does is hurt me. I don't recommend being friends with exes, especially when you are the dumpee. I agree that the dumper wants to keep you around out of guilt, or maybe for the things that they like about you, and think that this will be enough for you. They can't and don't see things from our perspective. I, too, suggest no contact. It's what I'm doing, and I feel a little better and stronger each day.
Yamaha Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 The only way you can be friends is if you have no more feelings for her and see her as just a friend ( because that is how she see's you ). You can't say this truthfully so reject her offer for friendship just like she rejected your offer of romance.
Author Fun9455 Posted January 8, 2009 Author Posted January 8, 2009 Thank you all for your feedback and encouragement. I will leave well enough alone.
runner Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 yes it is possible, but only if both of you have truly moved on from the relationship and accept why it didn't work and why it couldn't work. i've found that, just because i didn't want to be in a romantic relationship with someone anymore it didn't mean that i didn't value them for who they are and what they bring to my life. and i even still find some of them to be stunningly attractive. a note of caution though: some of the things that irritated you about them before will still be there and might open up some old wounds. if you can't deal with that, then the friendship probably won't work either.
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