nss7872 Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 I'm new, and I need help. I'll try to keep it short, but there's a lot of ground to cover. I'm a senior in high school, and my girlfriend of nearly two years broke up with me about a month ago. We never fought or had any serious problems, we trusted each other, and we loved each other. I know what you're thinking, that I have no understanding of what love is at such a young age, but bear with me. We all have a person who's our "fantasy" of sorts. Someone that you've dreamed about dating, but not obsessively so that you could have other relationships and be healthy. Well, fantasy boy came a knockin'. One day, one of my friends told her "if she wasn't dating me, he'd probably ask her out." She told me a few days after it happened, and said we were still going to stay together, that all her feelings were for me and not him. I knew this was her fantasy guy, but I also knew we had been in a relationship for 2 years, and that he wasn't going to change that. At the end of the week, she broke up with me. There were a variety of reasons. She said she wants other experiences before going to college, because this was her first serious relationship. She said she didn't feel the same way about me now as she did in the beginning, and that our relationship felt forced. She also said she wasn't breaking up with me to date him, he was just the "catalyst". I suggested we try and fix the things that weren't working out (by dialing down the physical stuff, going on real dates more, reconnecting intellectually/emotionally), instead of immediately pulling the plug, but it had no effect. Now, a little over a month later, they're starting a relationship. I've already cut ties with him, saying we can't be friends after what you did. When he first told her, I tried to keep things up initially, but the more I thought about what he did, the more I realized a friend just wouldn't do that. When I told him we were through, he was too self-rightous to admit or even realize he did anything wrong, and won't apollogize for "being honest". Bull****. You don't tell your friend's girlfriend you have feelings for her, then date her a month after the breakup you caused. Since it's high school, its virtually impossible to go n/c. I see her all the time, and we share the same group of friends. We've talked about the situation a few times, and I told her "You know how I feel about you. If you ever change your mind, you know where to find me." I want us to stay in each other's lives and remain friends, but I'm afraid I won't be able to move on without some space. But at the same time, I feel like by going n/c and putting some space between us, I'm driving her away. I know I can't cling to the idea of us getting back together, but I don't want to completely cut her out and kill whatever chance there may be. Thoughts?
malibustacydoll Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 First of all as you describe it she clearly broke up with you for him. She probably waited a month just because she didn't want to make it seem like that or have other people talking if they started dating right away. He is definitely not a good friend for dating her-- especially since you were with her for so long. If I were you I would just avoid both of them as much as you can. NC will be hard but you should just try to be civil. I wouldn't even try being friends with her at this point. I am sorry to hear that-- but college will be better if you end up going. It is larger too so if you break up with a girl you don't have to see her much! Good luck.
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