Joyvke Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 So my friend told me something that made me pretty pissed off. Also the reason why he couldn't hook up with me. After running behind him for 6 months, if I had known this sooner that would never had happened to begin with... He doesn't even know why he didn't tell me, he just didn't do it... He has a crush on a woman he had never met. On first that's not something unusual. I mean, if you like eachother, sure why not meet right? Usually that would happen pretty soon, but yeah. This is going on for 2,5 years. She (27) has a kid (6) and LIVES together with her "ex". Her profile sites clearly say she's in a relation. Worst thing is he knows all of this, but trusts her word that there's nothing going on. Anyway, every time when he would get close she would go offline not talking with him for long periods of time *months*. Every time when she would go back it would be a sorry from her side. Just before Christmas, they had been talking for some time again, she told him that she was sorry and that she had hidden her feelings for him, because she was stupid and worried. That was her reason for the last time. They started talking around October again. She also is someone who lives in NL and yes this is the UK guy I'm talking about. As a friend I don't want him to get hurt and I told my view of the situation. I had many male friends like this too, where the girl would pull the string + get jealous if the guy would talk with me/ other girls, only to hook up with an ex/ other guy in the near future. The situation you'd best be off to walk away from. I guess I should just walk away from this, but it's pissing me off so much at the moment. As a friend I don't want to see him get hurt. Setting aside the crush I have for him. Or perhaps I should just stop talking with him. The more I read back, the more it comes over I'm just his attentionfeeder :S. The one that tells him he's not an idiot when he talks himself down. That kinda thing.
Geishawhelk Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 What is your payoff in this? What are you benefitting from? There must be something, or you wouldn't feel so in it.....
Author Joyvke Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 What is your payoff in this? What are you benefitting from? There must be something, or you wouldn't feel so in it..... I wonder if there is any payoff in this for me, cause there isn't any. He doesn't like me, he never could due to this. Or well he did, this is the sms guy as well. Really thought he liked me, but yea... He always told me it was due to distance. Last crush was a girl that lived just as far *also in UK, but travel time was the same*. Now he says he has a crush for someone for 2,5 yrs and that always was in the back of his head blabla. If I look at it closer I'm not benefitting from anything but being hurt and lead on all the time. Also, I had other friends like this, that were friends and I didn't have a crush that would piss me off like this too. For being so stupid not to see it. One guy I had to tell for 2 yrs "walk away", third year it was "Joyce, you were right." I heard this guy cry so many times, bringing himself down and that really hurt me. I guess it's best if I am the one who walks away from him. One part wants to wish him well, the other part hope it goes wrong and that we get a chance in the future. Though I only want to meet up first before that happens. I just pains me he didn't tell me this when I only liked him a little bit... .
gopher Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 Sounds like this online g/f is just using him to feel good about herself. At some point your friend will get tired of it or maybe she just will sign off for good.
Author Joyvke Posted January 7, 2009 Author Posted January 7, 2009 Sounds like this online g/f is just using him to feel good about herself. At some point your friend will get tired of it or maybe she just will sign off for good. Yeah that happened before as well. When she got back it was just "sorry", but this time it was "sorry I was stupid, hid my feelings blabla". I know when another friend had this situation the last time she broke contact, she said somewhat the same crap. That she was stupid and hid her feelings, my friend got so happy and got his hopes up. Then turned out she was banging her ex and another guy :S. He will try it one more time, just hope he will. Because 2,5 years is along time. edit: As for us, well I'm not completely blaming him (after all I'm like him), more upset about the fact he lied about things. To save me from being hurt. While I told him dozens of times I'm more hurt by lies then the truth. This will be his last try for me as well as a friend. I don't like people lying to me and the same goes for friends. edit 2: We decided to see what a break is going to do. Told him he can poke me any time when something is the matter. But for now contact will be zero. I'm too jealous as the friend that likes him more then a friend about this situation and it's doing my head in. Where my friend friend part can't participate in anymore. So we're gonna take a break from "eachother" as friends and see how we will feel in a while. In the meantime I keep hoping, for just a little bit longer.
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