norajane Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 "Forgiving" a person for having a romantic past that has nothing to do with you is unbelievably arrogant and self-righteous. Exactly right! Bf didn't do anything TO YOU that he needs to be forgiven by you. But it’s worth it, because when you let go, you are pretty much saying “This happened, I don’t know why it happened to ME, Nothing "happened" to you.
JTR Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 100% AGREED You forgive people when they do something wrong, not for having a past. Having sex outside of marriage is MORALLY WRONG, so yes they did do something wrong. Doesn't matter if you're with someone for 2 days or 20 years.
JTR Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Exactly right! Bf didn't do anything TO YOU that he needs to be forgiven by you. Nothing "happened" to you. How do you know? If you had read my whole reply you would see that comment "here is some of what I said there"...that other post that I had replied to what just a general "how do I forgive someone" post...they never gave specifics. Sorry I didn't realize there were so many nit-pickers here or I may have worded that differently.
dreamergrl Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Having sex outside of marriage is MORALLY WRONG, so yes they did do something wrong. Doesn't matter if you're with someone for 2 days or 20 years. Not everyone agrees with this statement, and if you're going to be with someone who doesn't agree, then your not with the right person. But it's not their fault they don't feel the same as you.
sally4sara Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Having sex outside of marriage is MORALLY WRONG, so yes they did do something wrong. Doesn't matter if you're with someone for 2 days or 20 years. I don't remember the "Thou shalt not fornicate" commandment. Which number was that of the ten? Oh, wait, it wasn't one of the ten. I also remember that God forgives all. I bet it's doubly so for the lesser offenses. The guy dated the two other girls for two years each, so I'm betting he felt pretty confident that they were special people. The OP states that she isn't all that resolved to wait till marriage, just for a special person. OP? Do you think maybe the reason why his past bothers you so much isn't because you're jealous, but rather because his past puts a hole in your theory of waiting till you've found a special person? You too could think someone has proven to you through time that they are special enough to have sex with and then they end up wanting out of the relationship. Is that why you're bothered now or do you just think he's all dirty now because he's been with other girls? Because you could wait for marriage and the same thing happen you know.
MN randomguy Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 OP, I don't get it. You need to understand how being with the two other girls boosted his confidence. You had a chance to have THIS VERY GUY as a virgin. However there was no attraction. You viewed him as only a friend. Yes, you can work through it. But, it sounds like you're not ready to give it up. So, don't. He says he'll wait. The other two times he's gone all of the way in LTRs and saws its been a mistake. If that is so, why would he want to risk repeating the mistake.
norajane Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 How do you know? If you had read my whole reply you would see that comment "here is some of what I said there"...that other post that I had replied to what just a general "how do I forgive someone" post...they never gave specifics. Sorry I didn't realize there were so many nit-pickers here or I may have worded that differently. Your entire post was about forgiving and how to forgive when something happens to you. In the context of this thread, bf having sex with other women prior to getting into a relationship with you, is not something that "happened to you." If anything, it's something that happened to HIM, although I'd use the words, it's something he chose for himself. If you don't agree with his choices and they trouble you, you are certainly entitled to that, but it's not a wrong he perpetrated against you so it's not up to you to forgive.
bean1 Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Having sex outside of marriage is MORALLY WRONG, so yes they did do something wrong. I respect that this is your opinion, but then you must find a partner who shares that opinion.
manugeorge Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 OP, unfortunately, I think you have inherited the "controlling" trait from your father. But you want to use your religious beliefs and values to disguise it. Much of life is unpredictable, life is fickle and finnicky. You don't always get back what you put in and it's certainly not a chemistry experiment that gives you exact outcomes depending on what ingredients you mix together. Your boyfriend couldn't have predicted that the women he slept with would end up hurting him. I'm sure at the time, he thought they were "perfect" for him. YOU cannot predict how your relationship with your boyfriend will turn out...5 years from now, 10 years from now. All you can do is hope and wish but ultimately, it is crapshoot. You desperately want your "first time" to be special and sacred but you can't be sure of that. You can't orchestrate the feelings that will result from it. And the "ingredients" you think you need to produce the perfect sexual experience will not guarantee you the results you are hoping for. There is no perfect sexual experience just like there is no perfect person, just like life is not perfect. Someone already gave you the God grant me Serenity Poem. Please use it.
dreamergrl Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 You desperately want your "first time" to be special and sacred but you can't be sure of that. You can't orchestrate the feelings that will result from it. And the "ingredients" you think you need to produce the perfect sexual experience will not guarantee you the results you are hoping for. There is no perfect sexual experience just like there is no perfect person, just like life is not perfect. I think this is dead on, and I would like to add that if you concentrate to hard on making your first time so special and perfect, you'll be severely let down. That's not to say you should jump in for a sack session right away by any means, because as I said before, I don't think that would be wise until you overcome the feelings you have with your bf's sexual past. But eventually the time will come, when it does, let everything happen naturally. Leave the worries behind.
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