Joker77 Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 How can I feel like I'm moving on one minute and then yearn to be with her the next? I had to drive by her street on the way to a doctor's appointment. All I can think of is how she flaked on me and it makes me mad knowing I could give someone my heart completely and she just walked all over it. How stupid could I be?
Trialbyfire Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 How can I feel like I'm moving on one minute and then yearn to be with her the next? I had to drive by her street on the way to a doctor's appointment. All I can think of is how she flaked on me and it makes me mad knowing I could give someone my heart completely and she just walked all over it. How stupid could I be? I don't know your backstory Joker but how stupid is it, to have the ability to give love to someone else?
Author Joker77 Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 I don't know your backstory Joker but how stupid is it, to have the ability to give love to someone else? It was stupid knowing that there is a good possibility that the girl I was with never loved me to begin with and only faked it because she was too cowardly to admit it.
Trialbyfire Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 It was stupid knowing that there is a good possibility that the girl I was with never loved me to begin with and only faked it because she was too cowardly to admit it. Are you omnipotent, to know what someone else is thinking? Maybe it's best to stop slapping yourself around for being able to give love. Do you have any idea how many people in this world are incapable of giving love because they're so empty inside, there's nothing left for anyone else? Now who's the one with the gift and who's the stupid one?
Geishawhelk Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I agree. Stop beating yourself up. If she was faking it, and you were genuine, she's the idiot, not you.
nss7872 Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 You weren't stupid. Loving is never stupid. Now it hurts, and now it feels like you were the biggest moron to ever walk the face of the Earth, but giving someone your heart is never stupid. I know the exact state you're in right now, because I'm there too. I can't have one feeling or thought without immediately jumping to the direct opposite. Every time I think I'm beginning to move on, every time I think "ok, you can do this", I fall right back down again. With one exception of course; I love her. If you want to, share your story. It can only help.
Author Joker77 Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 Are you omnipotent, to know what someone else is thinking? Maybe it's best to stop slapping yourself around for being able to give love. Do you have any idea how many people in this world are incapable of giving love because they're so empty inside, there's nothing left for anyone else? Now who's the one with the gift and who's the stupid one? The egotistical side of me says she is the stupid one because I was everything her other exes were not. Heck, her first husband won't even support the daughter they brought into this world. I fell in love with that little girl and she did with me as well. There were times where she would whisper to me that she wished I was her dad. That would just kill me. The other moron that she married just married her to get legal citizenship into this country. After he did, he told her he wanted out and then told her after the divorce that he had cheated on her. Oh yeah, and he left her 15k in debt. Maybe she did me a favor, but I loved/love her like crazy and her daughter too. I just don't believe you can turn your feelings off unless someone else became involved. She denies that there is/was, but I don't believe it.
Trialbyfire Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 As another member on LS stated, I think it was Lucretia_Borgia, people tend to rewrite history. I wouldn't doubt she loved you in the past, but needs to believe otherwise now. You had something that was worth experiencing. There were good times and no doubt there were bad times. Would you trade in all the good times, for an inability to love or omnipotence? Would you rewrite history to remain in denial?
Author Joker77 Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 As another member on LS stated, I think it was Lucretia_Borgia, people tend to rewrite history. I wouldn't doubt she loved you in the past, but needs to believe otherwise now. You had something that was worth experiencing. There were good times and no doubt there were bad times. Would you trade in all the good times, for an inability to love or omnipotence? Would you rewrite history to remain in denial? Here's the really screwed up part. We were together for almost six months. I have known her for over two years. We never once had a bad moment together. I honestly believe that she got so used to being treated like garbage that she has conditioned herself to think that's what she deserves or wants. I am the complete opposite. I guess you could say I'm a people pleaser. Maybe that's where I screwed up.
Trialbyfire Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 For some people, drama and abuse = love. They don't know any better so they create this type of environment because it's a comfort level for them. Even if they know better, some continue living like this, just because it's comfortable. A piss-poor addiction to negative coping tools. Definitely not the way you want to live your life, do you? As for screwing up, how did you screw up? You loved someone. How horrible of you! Joker, let me ask this of you in a different way. If you met someone else who had similar red flags as your ex, would you avoid this person or would you immediately start dating another drama queen?
Author Joker77 Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 For some people, drama and abuse = love. They don't know any better so they create this type of environment because it's a comfort level for them. Even if they know better, some continue living like this, just because it's comfortable. A piss-poor addiction to negative coping tools. Definitely not the way you want to live your life, do you? As for screwing up, how did you screw up? You loved someone. How horrible of you! Joker, let me ask this of you in a different way. If you met someone else who had similar red flags as your ex, would you avoid this person or would you immediately start dating another drama queen? The last two women I have dated had enough drama in their lives to write a trilogy of books. I'm honestly afraid to date another divorced/separated woman again and especially with kids. It sucked to get completely attached to a child and have her mother tell me how attached she was to me and how great I was for her only to have her rip the carpet out from under me.
Trialbyfire Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 The last two women I have dated had enough drama in their lives to write a trilogy of books. I'm honestly afraid to date another divorced/separated woman again and especially with kids. It sucked to get completely attached to a child and have her mother tell me how attached she was to me and how great I was for her only to have her rip the carpet out from under me. Now it's time to look at these two or three women. What were the similarities in characteristics, besides being divorced/separated and having kids? Are you drawn to a certain type? Really think about what you're drawn to and why you're drawn to it. This really matters because it will affect who you choose to date next. This type of introspection isn't something that you can do in five minutes. This could take months of reviewing external and internal influences and different kinds of realizations about self, family history, romantic history, the entire enchilada. After much thought applied to it, you might find a pattern to avoid.
Author Joker77 Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 Now it's time to look at these two or three women. What were the similarities in characteristics, besides being divorced/separated and having kids? Are you drawn to a certain type? Really think about what you're drawn to and why you're drawn to it. This really matters because it will affect who you choose to date next. This type of introspection isn't something that you can do in five minutes. This could take months of reviewing external and internal influences and different kinds of realizations about self, family history, romantic history, the entire enchilada. After much thought applied to it, you might find a pattern to avoid. I think I'm sending out a vibe. I don't know these women have the problems until I'm head first into the relationship. By then, too much damage has been done.
saturnfell Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 As another member on LS stated, I think it was Lucretia_Borgia, people tend to rewrite history. I wouldn't doubt she loved you in the past, but needs to believe otherwise now. You had something that was worth experiencing. There were good times and no doubt there were bad times. Would you trade in all the good times, for an inability to love or omnipotence? Would you rewrite history to remain in denial? I would, absolutely.
starzphalling Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 i'd rewrite history and just have him not dump me
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