Ickus Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Problem believeing my wife. She was married before and the guy was a wife beater jerk. Anyway, they had broke up a few times before and when she would move back home with her mom, she would rekindle an old flame from high school and have sex with him the time she was there till her and her husband reconciled. The husband being a jerk is her justification and I really don't have a problem with that - he was controlling and she like many others was afraid of him - why she didn't just leave. Fast forward to now and I am married to her. A year ago she wanted to go back to Ohio from the west coast to visit her mother and her family - it had been 10 years. I knowing about the other guy told her - don't go contacting your old @#$% buddy. The answer I get is "that's not what this is about". Two weeks after she is back I find a voicemail of a man on her phone telling her it was nice to see her and not to be a stranger - it was him. She swears she only saw him once briefly in a crowd at a function she attended with a girl friend. She also tells me that it was more than sex back in the day, that he was a friend too and she wanted to know how he was and if he would remember her. He had been in an accident 5 years before. Thing is, this as it wound up started with phone calls and texts about a month before she left and kept up two weeks after she got back. I look at it as, she had the time before she left and while she was there with phone calls and texts to find out how he was and whatnot - why did it have to continue after she got back. And I find it hard to believe that everytime she has been in town alone she has hooked up with this guy, but this time even though she lied about not going to contact him and was sneaking around phoning him and texting him from work so I wouldn't know; I am supposed to believe this time she didn't hook up with him. Does anyone else see this as a real possibility that she is telling the truth.
Artu Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 If he is just a friend this time as she says , then why should he be voicemailing and texting and calling her all the time? Just friends do not act like that . Just friends know that calling,voicemailing and texting married women would not be that wise and so just friendly ,you know .. ____________________ Watch her . I do not say you should not believe her and throw stones at her, but from her actions-reactions you will unedrstand what happens in her mind at the moment .______________ Best of luck !
samspade Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Some questions: 1. Why are you telling her whom not to contact? 2. Why are you going through her voice mails? 3. Why would she stay away from her family for 10 years? 4. Why does she care how this a$s she used to date is doing? She's disrespecting you by sneaking around texting and seeing her ex, that's for sure. She also has a history of "rekindling" old flames, abusive relationships, and what sounds like poor family relations if she hasn't even seen her mother in 10 years. She's one big red flag. You sound like part of the problem, too. If you are dictating to her who she should be hanging out with, warning her, etc., you come across as insecure, controlling, and lacking in trust. I imagine your listening to her voicemails involved some sort of violation of her privacy - bad form. Her behavior and personality probably lead to you not trusting her, so to me it sounds like this is just a dysfunctional relationship. If I were you, I'd get a divorce.
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