dEEpChArM Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I've been in an exclusive relationship for about 6 months. He moved very fast in the beginning and asked me to be exclusive after about 3 or 4 weeks of dating, which I agreed to and now regret. Since then I've realized that I love him as a person, but unfortunately I'm not in love with him, and more to the point - we're not a good match. Our interests rarely overlap, and I end up spending a lot of time with him doing things he enjoys, but that are really beginning to bore me to tears. I don't see us together in the future, I don't even feel like we're moving in any forward direction, so the whole relationship just feels dull and pointless to me. He calls multiple times a day and wants to se me several times a week, and even stay at his house all weekend. I'm feeling very boxed in. The problem I'm facing is that I'm in a transitional stage career-wise, I quit my last job in June and have been focused on developing my own business in a creative field. Unfortunately this means no job benefits i.e. health insurance in the meantime. When my boyfriend found out that I was not covered he immediately put me on his insurance, which I thought was really sweet & generous of him. I'm an artist so I've been without health insurance for most of my adult life with no real issues, but recently I was diagnosed with anemia and I'm working with a doctor to correct it. It's effecting my energy levels and there are headaches so I really want to address it properly so I can be at my best while taking on my new career challenges. I believe we have inherent incompatibilities that are not going to change. I think a friendship would work for us, but he's is not an easy person to be with in a relationship. He's "difficult" and a drama queen, and he has initiated several break-ups in our short relationship. It's left me feeling insecure and a little resentful. I don't feel we belong together. During one of our breaks, I went out with another guy. I know him from college years ago and we hit it off. Our second date involved some real intimacy, and left me feeling like I really want to explore our potential. In the meantime, the bf had planned a trip for us over the holidays, which I assumed I wouldn't be going on after all since he broke up with me again. But then he begged me to get back with him and fly to meet him at his holiday location, which I did. To be honest I think my main motivation was to protect my health insurance, which I feel ashamed about. I've never used a guy for what he could do for me. I kept in touch with the other guy throughout the week I was away and couldn't wait to see him again. I'm trying to figure out what to do now. I don't want to be dishonest and date the other guy behind the bf's back, but I don't want to pass up this chance at something real. I don't want to lose my health insurance, but I can't continue to date the bf exclusively, and I think if I break up with him, or tell him I want to date other guys he'll flip out and cut me off. The only factor that could effect this situation positively might be that the bf has always said he'd want to remain friends if we broke up. Could that mean he would keep me on his insurance for a while even if I broke up with him, or told him I want to see other men? It sounds unlikely, but maybe there's a way to swing it... ?? Does anyone have any advice for me? Thanks for reading. DC
Geishawhelk Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Yes. Get your own insurance, you cheapskate, and stop using your BF in such a shallow way.
Crestfallen_KH Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Well, you obviously don't feel TOO badly for staying with him for the health insurance if you're looking for an angle to keep it... I doubt very much that he's going to agree to a regression in the relationship. I question why you even want to keep dating him. If it really is for the insurance, then put on the big girl panties and stop using him. Let him go to find someone who truly wants to be with him, and you can do the same. If you break up with him, you should be prepared to lose the insurance - no matter what - if you're not paying the premium.
Artu Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 YOu will probably lose the insurance, but are Insurance and your own happiness of same weight ? Is it honest to use your current bf just for the insurance? Well,I understand you did not come to listen to this, but listen, listen to what we tell.
Enema Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 What you're doing is pretty morally reprehensible. You should break up with your boyfriend, then date other people. Does he not deserve the truth? You're wasting potentially months and years of his time and emotions on a relationship you know is going nowhere, purely for selfish, financial reasons. You should feel ashamed.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 The problem I'm facing is that I'm in a transitional stage career-wise, I quit my last job in June and have been focused on developing my own business in a creative field. Unfortunately this means no job benefits i.e. health insurance in the meantime. When my boyfriend found out that I was not covered he immediately put me on his insurance, which I thought was really sweet & generous of him. I'm an artist so I've been without health insurance for most of my adult life with no real issues, but recently I was diagnosed with anemia and I'm working with a doctor to correct it. It's effecting my energy levels and there are headaches so I really want to address it properly so I can be at my best while taking on my new career challenges. You should not even be having this conversation! Unless your morally bankrupt there is no excuse for using a guy for financial gain. Your only real choice is to dump him and hope to work something out. The other options would show you to be a VERY bad person.
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