Nikki Sahagin Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I've noticed that people comfort one another on here in a similar fashion. "You'll find the 1 you're meant to be with" How do you KNOW? Chances are yes you'll fall in love again, but whose to say it will work out? Who's to say they won't cheat on you or hurt you just like in your last relationship? I've seen a few posts by people saying that they were left heart broken by their first loves only to fall in love again - and have it happen - AGAIN! I don't mean to be a complete depressive and shatter anyones hope, but how can we ease ourselves with the hope of meeting someone better, when probably before our exes, in a hard time, we comforted ourselves thinking we'd have someone to love - and look how that turned out!
marlena Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 No, there is no guarantee that love will come your way again. It may not. Nor is there any guarantee that the next person you fall in love with will not break your heart again. This is the reality of our lives. That is why it is important to love yourself, appreciate yourself, take pride in your accomplishments, however small or big, enjoy your own company for, when all is said and done, the only person you can rely on "'til death do you part" is yourself. Once this human truth is recognized, things get better. I know it is cliche but it is true, happiness or at least peace of mind and contentment do come from within.
sinkerswim Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I agree...I am one of the people that its happening to twice now. I was always the one who told everyone i knew that love is so wonderful..we are all meant to marry someone and the special one is out there. Well, now my current BF is doing this to me.. the one who showed me what true love was all about.. the one who complimented me, went everywhere with me..who could "never hurt my heart the way my ex did". He always wanted to make me happy no matter what. But now he is hurting me... I know he doesnt want to hurt me...but he is not happy anymore and it sucks for me. Big time. If he isn't the one..then who really is?? WHO? I dont believe I will ever find someone again who will love me as much as he did and I will love him back. I dont believe that I wouldn't get hurt again. Because I think I will. I am losing faith. Sadly. I truly am. My dreams have been shattered completely by the love of my life. My best friend.
Ronni_W Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 When we started dating 10 years ago, I asked my current b/f that very question. He said something like, "Because if I don't believe that I will find the ideal relationship for me, that is just too depressing and hopeless to even contemplate." Which I thought was very wise of him to hold optimism instead of pessimism. Plus, it gave me the courage to get more emotionally involved with him. It's all working out very well, so far. If it ends THEN we'll both start grieving and healing...and being optimistic about the next one. What ELSE is a possible sane way of doing it?
hoartiosans Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 People say it because it's true, It may not be the next person, or the one after that, or the next 5, but eventually, you find them, and you wonder why you cared so much about those persons you obsessed over before them. It is a comfort mechanism, but it is also true, maybe not soon, but eventually you find that person, and you find happiness. Like right now, I feel like crap, but I know that, that person is out there, and they don't even know it, and that makes me feel better but I also know that it is the truth. I know I'll probably suffer through this pain, and pain even worse than this again in order to find that one, but the belief that they're out there, keeps me going.
Crow9726 Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I have to agree...and doubt if I will ever find love again. Long time relationship...28 years...and she left to hook back up with her original high school boyfriend. Only other relationship...18 months as a couple but knew her almost 2 years before that...truly love at first sight for me...and I was nothing but a rebound for her from a previous abusive relationship. I know they claim that the 3rd time is a charm...but I don't think my 3rd time is ever going to come. And to think I used to be the eternal optimist and hopeless romantic...and thought that love conquered all... Not anymore...to any of it... That saddens me more than anything...
Riffmeister General Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Yes, it's all Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, but look, here's the truth. Miserable, depressed, pessimistic people AREN'T ATTRACTIVE. We make our own luck, and if you go around thinking you'll never find anyone again, you won't. The idea of that thought is to remain positive and project the best of you out there. Ever wondered why you seem more attractive to people when you're in a relationship, or why all the girls/boys you seem to be attracted to are ALWAYS in relationships? It's because they're happy! They're attractive when they're happy! Here's an actual psychology case study I had to learn in the psychology of relationships class (wish I'd paid more attention in it, seemed so boring at the time!) There was a girl at a school, not particularly attractive, not popular. A group of guys decided to play a trick on her where they would, one by one, go and ask her out on a date. It was something like if one of them got turned down, there was a penalty or something. Anyway, just through the act of getting asked out on dates all of a sudden, the girl became happy, she had feelings of self-worth, her attitude improved, grades improved, she made more of an effort in her appearance etc etc. The boys, by now, were actually finding her attractive all of a sudden! It works. Project a positive image of yourself at your best, and people WILL notice.
emotionalydistraugt Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 If we sit here and think, "I'm done. She/he was the one for me there can't be anyone better than her." Than guess what, there wont be. You have to respect yourself enough to understand that you have things to offer others. There are over 6 billion people in the world. I have to believe that somewhere, anywhere there is one other person that will make me happy the rest of my life. We aren't meant to live this life alone, unless we chose too. The people who preach self love are right, you have to love yourself first before another person can love you too. Love yourself and you'll find love.
Riffmeister General Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 If we sit here and think, "I'm done. She/he was the one for me there can't be anyone better than her." Important point. I found myself giving a mate some good advice the other day, simply cos I've learned so much from being in here. Don't go out with a checklist looking for a girl to fulfill everything your ex did/had. NOT GOOD. You will find that you'll meet a girl that can offer you completely different things you may not know you wanted. She may fall short on a couple of points, but may excel on others that make you realise what she lacks isn't important to you. Take every person as the individual they are.
RM0123 Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I don't know if this is going to make people feel better or worse but here is a little story I have. I work in a SNF. There I was working with a patient who was 92 years old. She was sharp as ever and dressed to the nines everyday. I got to talking with her and asked her about her family. She told me she is a widow of 2 years. I then asked if she had any children. She said no.. So, I asked if that was just a decision she made or if her and her husband were unable to have kids. And she told me (very happily I might add) that she married for the first time only 6 years ago when she was 86!!!!! She was so strong and so happy. It didn't seem to matter to her that she didn't marry until 86. You could tell she really loved him. They only had 4 years of being married before he passed but she seemed to not be regretful at all. Well, I don't know if that makes anyone feel better but I don't think you are ever too old to find the "one"
ATR Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I guess this brings up the question if have to have someone in your life to be happy?
Riffmeister General Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I don't know if this is going to make people feel better or worse but here is a little story I have. I work in a SNF. There I was working with a patient who was 92 years old. She was sharp as ever and dressed to the nines everyday. I got to talking with her and asked her about her family. She told me she is a widow of 2 years. I then asked if she had any children. She said no.. So, I asked if that was just a decision she made or if her and her husband were unable to have kids. And she told me (very happily I might add) that she married for the first time only 6 years ago when she was 86!!!!! She was so strong and so happy. It didn't seem to matter to her that she didn't marry until 86. You could tell she really loved him. They only had 4 years of being married before he passed but she seemed to not be regretful at all. Well, I don't know if that makes anyone feel better but I don't think you are ever too old to find the "one" Nice! ATR, no, you don't need someone to be happy. To be unbelievable, completely and totally happy, maybe, but happy, content, enjoying life? No.
BCCA Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 The reason that its more important to worry about loving yourself is because all relationships are terminal. You could meet the love of your life tomorrow, be together 20 years, and then they could get hit by a bus. Boom, gone. I would never wish this pain on anyone, but you cannot guarantee much in life, and nothing that involves another person. And there is no 'one' person out there. There are no doubt thousands, if not millions, of people in the world that I would probably spend the rest of my life happy with.
D-Lish Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 I don't go through life having any expectations when it comes to love anymore. I think I used to, as an idealistic youth. I've been in love three times in my life, all of those people left an imprint- as have others along the way. I am open to love if it comes my way. I know from my past that I can handle pretty much anything that comes my way, so I can handle another love lost if that ever happens. My recent ex told me the other day that he will just never open up to anyone, he'll never get involved emotionally with any woman romantically. I still wonder what specifically happened to make him like that. I think it's sad. I wouldn't have believed anyone could actually dismiss love, but I remember the day he shut down on me. I actually saw him switch gears from a loving affectionate guy to a cold aloof man. I never want to be that person. He chooses to be that person. If you are willing to keep taking risks- you can and will fall in love again.
sinkerswim Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 You guys are right....there are billions of people in this world. but why does it feel like our 'ex's' are the ones we should be with. i hold on to too many wonderful memories...
EmperorR Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 From experience, when you least expect it good things happen to you. Of course no one can tell the future, but good men and women are hard to come by trust me, if your one of othose it shouldn't be so hard. But being depressed, clinging to hope of your ex staying in your own little bubble will not help you at all. I mean look I gave my heart to my ex, I did things 99% of guys would not do for a woman yet I did. And I still got cheated on and dumped, I can choose to be bitter resentful not trusting any women again, hell if you knew my story you wouldn't blame me. But I believe 110% that there is someone out there for me and that I will love again even more than before.
porter218 Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 "You'll find the 1 you're meant to be with" How do you KNOW? Chances are yes you'll fall in love again, but whose to say it will work out? Who's to say they won't cheat on you or hurt you just like in your last relationship? I've seen a few posts by people saying that they were left heart broken by their first loves only to fall in love again - and have it happen - AGAIN! Just because you find the one you are meant to be with doesn't mean that it will be easy or perfect. The 'one you are meant to be with' can f*ck up too. They can break your heart and they can hurt you too. The difference between 'the one' and your last attempt is that they will try their best to make amends and they will repair the damage they cause. They will not give up on you and you will love them too much to give up on them. Only one thing is promised...anything that is worth it isn't easy, and it doesn't come without a price. You may get hurt again but that is OK as long as the good outweighs the bad.
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