RM0123 Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Ok so I hate going to sleep and I hate waking up. I am a very vivid dreamer. Always have been. I remember every dream every morning without fail. Never was a problem. I actually enjoyed dreaming before. Now I can't stand it. I always dream about him. And I dream that everything is like it was before the break-up. I am so happy in the dream. We are as we were. And then I wake up. NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! It is like breaking up all over again. My stomach is upset and my heart pounds. I look at my phone. Maybe he called. Nothing. I check my email. My he wrote. Nothing. The sadness and disappointment is overwhelming. I force myself out of bed only to eat something. Which lately is something very very small that I have to try and force down. Then I crawl right back into bed. I have no energy. I have no will. Everymorning the same thing. It's like real life "Groundhogs Day"
Phateless Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Ok so I hate going to sleep and I hate waking up. I am a very vivid dreamer. Always have been. I remember every dream every morning without fail. Never was a problem. I actually enjoyed dreaming before. Now I can't stand it. I always dream about him. And I dream that everything is like it was before the break-up. I am so happy in the dream. We are as we were. And then I wake up. NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! It is like breaking up all over again. My stomach is upset and my heart pounds. I look at my phone. Maybe he called. Nothing. I check my email. My he wrote. Nothing. The sadness and disappointment is overwhelming. I force myself out of bed only to eat something. Which lately is something very very small that I have to try and force down. Then I crawl right back into bed. I have no energy. I have no will. Everymorning the same thing. It's like real life "Groundhogs Day" Listen to John Mayer's "Dreaming With a Broken Heart."
lonelygurl Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 you are still in the very early stages of your break up. it is too be expected the way you feel. I'm a month in and am pretty much the same way. Actually this past week I have gotten a little worse. Just do what you can for now. If it means eating little and sleeping alot then do it. Like I said before, watch movies or Tv anything that can distract you for small bits of time. This time around I had my phone numbers changed so I don't have to wonder if he will call. I still have my email though. He still has stuff to pick up. I like some keep hoping for that email that we all hope will come, but I know it won't. It didn't the last time, at least not for many many months. It is hard to get over this and to be honest I don't know if we ever get over it. I know some say you do. I was six months into our break up last time and I still wasn't over him but then he came back asking for another chance. So I guess I'll have to see where I'm at after six to eight months this time. Some said it takes about half the time you were with the person, so I guess in my case that would be three and a half years. The grieving books and online I've read say it can take up to one to two years to be completely healed. It also said somewhere around the three or six month mark is usually when the depression sets in. you are still in the shock faze and your body is forcing you to do just what it needs to do in order to survive. Your body is designed to try to protect you from hurt.
Phateless Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 It's all about distractions. You just have to stay so impossibly busy that you don't have time to think about it. Force yourself to eat healthy (since you're not hungry anyway) and make sure you get exercise, even if you're walking slowly with your hands in your pockets and your head down. Eventually, you will feel like yourself again.
Author RM0123 Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 Thanks for the advice. I have also read it takes almost half the time. Which also would be 3 years for me. I just can't imagine that. 3 years. And I think if he broke up with me because he is not ready to get married in a year or two. Well, hell he may be ready to get married before I have completely gotten over it. Sometimes it just doesn't seem fair. Side note: I was thinking about this girl I know. She was homecoming queen at school, valedictorian, has hundreds of friends, got a full scholarship in college, went on for her masters, won the highest award in her class, then married her boyfriend who was her first and only for 15 years. Now she has a good job, he has a good job and the just bought a house. And I stop and think. Why her and not me? Why does it seem like for some people everything works out and for others nothing does?
durotto Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Thanks for the advice. I have also read it takes almost half the time. Which also would be 3 years for me. I just can't imagine that. 3 years. And I think if he broke up with me because he is not ready to get married in a year or two. Well, hell he may be ready to get married before I have completely gotten over it. Sometimes it just doesn't seem fair. Side note: I was thinking about this girl I know. She was homecoming queen at school, valedictorian, has hundreds of friends, got a full scholarship in college, went on for her masters, won the highest award in her class, then married her boyfriend who was her first and only for 15 years. Now she has a good job, he has a good job and the just bought a house. And I stop and think. Why her and not me? Why does it seem like for some people everything works out and for others nothing does? My ex gf always complained about true love .. and her friends and their true love .. they do this ... they did that .. look what he is doing ... bla bla Let me stop you RM0123 right there ... Everyone is unique ... You need to find the guy who complements and fulfills you .. I am sure that you are a truly amazing, lovely and caring person who just hasn't found the right person yet ... I am sure you will .. just hang on ... talk to people .. get a hobby .. go do something for yourself ... get something nice for you .. a perfume ... or something like that .. meet people (but do not rebound) .. I just hope that you get over him and meet someone .. who truly appreciates you for what you are ..
sinkerswim Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 OMG..YOU ARE SOOO LIKE ME. I swear I dread going to bed at night...I wake up and its the same thing all over again. The dread...the fear...the feeling of no future. I cannot stand the thought of never seeing him again. I just cant. I cant bear to move 900 miles from him. OMG Help me. I just looked at his myspace and his status says single. I wanted to DIE. I am crying my eyes out right now... really bad. I still live with him..but that is now a kick in the ass. I just want things back to the way they were. My memories are killing me...We have the best memories and some of the best times together. I never dreamed of going through this pain... WITH HIM of all people in this world. I will always love him. I want us back. I sooo know what you are going through. If you cant private message me here... Please email me.. at Renned95 at yahoo dot com
Riffmeister General Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Yep, I'm with you all on this one. The morning's are the hardest. Probably something to do with your subconscious processing all the information while you sleep (since it would be too painful to do so consciously) and then when you wake up, it feels like you've been thinking about them for hours. I hate it. I hate this. I feel like I'm going backwards. Sh*t.
sinkerswim Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Oh and PS I know how you feel about crawling back in bed..I do it too.. I have no appetite either.
confused11 Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I know how you feel. I had a dream last night that things didn't end and we were still us but upon waking up, reality set in. I know waking up is the hardest thing to do, that sense of loss sweeps over us all over again. Especially when I was used to waking up next to him and now I am not. We wake wanting to go back to our fantasy world where nothing hurts and we are happy again. Unfortunately, there are no magic words that can help one move on. Time is the only thing, time to live without them and time to show us that we are ok without them in our lives. We just have to accept that. I feel acceptance is better than hope. Hope is what wont let us move on. This time, I am trying to see the situation as hopeless. Every person needs to find a way to cope, what works for me might not work for someone else. I find going for long drives with music and some ciggs helps (although I know smoking is very bad and I don't advocate it at all, I am trying to quit but weirdly it makes me feel better). Eventually I get tired of driving and being sad and go home feeling a little better. I have also poured myself into watching the complete first, second, third, etc. season of anything, it is a good distraction. Something you never watched with them too. Also, the tried and trusty method of have a good friend to lean on. They listen tou you and give you a shoulder to cry on but knnow when to say enough is enough. Sometimes i didn't want to hear that and found another one of my close girlfriends to talk to lol. But eventually there comes a point where you have to stop wishing and start accepting. Once you accept how things are, you can realize they can get better. How did it end RM0123 and when?
Author RM0123 Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 Here is my story http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t175265/ Please ask questions if there are gaps. It helps to talk to others. Unfortunately, I don't have really good girlfriends to talk to. They are all very bad at talking about it. One just says F' him, you don't need him.. But I don't want to hear that, I love this person. The other yells really loud "OH MY GOD" and then babbles on without ever really listening to me. And then another friend doesn't deal with emotions well and tries to be supportive but kind of falls short. I have found that the best people to talk to, are the ones who know exactly what you are going through. LS!
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