durotto Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 1. I have to see her and her new bf every day at work .. sometimes I have to talk with her for some office stuff but otherwise its just NC .. I am giving both her and her new bf NC .. both .. its breaking my heart to see them together .. What should I do ? Maintain NC or what ? 2. She says that she has no feelings for me .. not even a bit .. Should I hold out for hope ? Does a girl ever come back ? If a girl says she feels nothing does that mean that she really feels nothing ? Thanks..
CaliGuy Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 1. I have to see her and her new bf every day at work .. sometimes I have to talk with her for some office stuff but otherwise its just NC .. I am giving both her and her new bf NC .. both .. its breaking my heart to see them together .. What should I do ? Maintain NC or what ? Given what she said in to you in the paragraph below, I'd say yes. 2. She says that she has no feelings for me .. not even a bit .. Should I hold out for hope ? Does a girl ever come back ? If a girl says she feels nothing does that mean that she really feels nothing ? Thanks.. Yep, it means she has moved on in her heart and mind. There's really nothing you can do about it. It's completely out of your control. Sucks, even more so because you work together. However, you can maintain no contact and do your best to move on. It will be tough in the beginning but you will succeed. I've been in a similar situation and trust me when I say that going NC is your best bet. Unless you need to talk to her about work related issues I would just ignore her. You don't owe her anything nor does she owe you anything. Honestly if I were you and it was possible, I would go find another job. Take her for her word and move on as best you can. You can and will be happy when you set your mind to it. Happiness is a choice.
Sbrizio Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 my friend, unfortunately i can relate with you..although my story is shorter and complex: no real relationship involved, just a short love story that, due to my unability in going completely NC and in understanding the behaviour of a selfish and immature person, has almost driven me insane for one year. I'm far from over - i'm in "forced contact" with her at work, and with her new BF too. Me and him have frequent contacts for work reasons; with her sometimes. Also, i have a part of my friend's network in the company in common with her and him. You can imagine how is impossible to completely detach myself. What i'm doing now, and i hope it can work, is to put all my energies in doing other things, for myself. In building new relationships at work and outside. And i'm keeping strict NC with her and as much as possible with him. I tried all the different flavours of LC (limited contact) and something always hurt, at a point or another. Also, i gave myself a deadline; if by that time, despite all my efforts, i won't be getting better, i'm going to move. This actually sucks bc i'm in a very good position, but when i see how much my satisfaction at work is ruined by the occasional setbacks - i start to reconsider. This is my current way: i'm not saying it should be yours as well - anyone react differently and someone here (CaliGuy) succeeded in getting over a similar situation. So there's hope for us. Just remember to focus on your well-being, self-center yourself, and keep NC. my two cents... hope to hear from you (soon and better).
Author durotto Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 thank you both for your insight. Caliguy.. I wish I could get a new job ... but I have just joined here for six months and I got a new contract and I am really settled down and everything .. and the job and perks are really good .. I want to leave .. but if I do then .. I don't know .. Sbrizio.. I try so hard to avoid them .. but I just can't .. whenever I see him go to her table to talk .. it reminds me of what I used to do ... damn him and her .. I will keep in mind what you guys say and absolutely no contact with either of them ... I just hope that 6 months from now .. I am completely over her .. We hope that is ... thanks again for your help ...
trueblue72ny Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 i am almost in the same boat. i work with my ex gf too. given what she has told you, i would say forget about her. you waiting around is just prolonging your agony. besides would you really want her back?? think about that. really, really think about that.... can you trust her again? do yourself a favor and stick with no contact. you will thank yourself down the road. when things fall apart down the road with her new bf at work she is the one looking like a tramp. and you will be the better person for moving on. you will thank yourself. my ex gf at work started telling me she wants to be friends and all that. turned out ot be a one way street. and i am better than that. do yourself a favor and dont get yourself involved in the friends thing either. unless you like being tortured, then by all means feel free. and one other thing... i would just advise you...be cautious of talking about it to people at work... i had people who swore up and down oh you can tell me anything i wont say a word... ya ok.... can ya pull the knife out of my back now???
Author durotto Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 i am almost in the same boat. i work with my ex gf too. given what she has told you, i would say forget about her. you waiting around is just prolonging your agony. besides would you really want her back?? think about that. really, really think about that.... can you trust her again? do yourself a favor and stick with no contact. you will thank yourself down the road. when things fall apart down the road with her new bf at work she is the one looking like a tramp. and you will be the better person for moving on. you will thank yourself. my ex gf at work started telling me she wants to be friends and all that. turned out ot be a one way street. and i am better than that. do yourself a favor and dont get yourself involved in the friends thing either. unless you like being tortured, then by all means feel free. and one other thing... i would just advise you...be cautious of talking about it to people at work... i had people who swore up and down oh you can tell me anything i wont say a word... ya ok.... can ya pull the knife out of my back now??? I was perhaps going to discuss this with someone in my office .. but after what you said .. you are right .. I need to move on ... and keep my mouth shut .. thanks .
trueblue72ny Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 dude, i am telling you, you start talking about it to people at the office and it will get around... just think about that!
CaliGuy Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Yep. Don't talk to anyone at work about it. Not only will it save your hide work-wise, but when she talks about it, she will look utterly stupid -- NOT YOU
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