runfaster Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Hi, so... I have spent more time finding advice for sticky breakup situations than I want to admit. Everyone here has had such helpful things to say and maybe you can help me... I'll try to make it short. We dated for 2 years, half of which we were so happy and amazed by each other. I met him right after moving to his city and didn't know many people and let him become my life (bad news, I know.) Some unfortunate things happened to me outside of the relationship and I did not handle it well at all. We'd be happy for a few weeks, and then I would lose it and start crying or screaming at him. I relied on him so heavily to help me feel better, and to his credit he struggled to do what he could. Then he started pulling away, I got more emotional, we were fighting fighting fighting. We started talking about breaking up. For awhile we kept deciding to stick it out, but the mess was already too big to clean up. In the end, we tried to remain friends and that lasted about a month. He thought we needed time to let the past chill out a bit, and looking back, it might have worked if I had let it... but I freaked out again, absolutely terrified of losing him, and (gulp) showed up at his house and his work, a total mess. He got very angry with me and said some very hurtful things that I'm still trying to forget. I tried contacting him once, after about a month and a half, to ask if he wanted some of his things back. He replied "I'm not ready to see you." It has since been 5 months with no contact at all. He obviously thinks of me as a toxic person, which I'm not and still can't explain why I fell apart the way I did. So here's the thing... would it be awful to try to contact him again in a few months? Not to get back together, not to ask for forgiveness... just to see each other, and best case spend 15 minutes pleasantly together. It seems so wrong for it to end this badly when we were happy and tried so hard to make it work. Or would it be selfish and disrespectful of me to contact him again? I still care about him, but I don't want him to think I'm trying to get him back into some sort of emotional whirlwind. And if it's really going to end like this, with no closure... how do I get over the idea that I really messed up something that could have been great? How do you get over the idea that the person you love remembers you in such a bad light?
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