ferraridave Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 So im kinda in a rough situation. I met this girl a few months ago and since then ive just fallen for her. During the semester we would study for tests together, but mostly we would just end up talking about stuff, personal and general. And i would constantly notice her looking at me in class and stuff. It seemed to me that we had a connection but then one day as we were talking we got into relationship stuff, and she mensions she has a boyfriend, whom shes been with for 3 yrs. And if thats not the kicker, the guys currently in jail awaiting sentancing for a host of crimes at the top of which is attempted murder. Ever since then Ive kinda backed off, though I still talk to her, its not very often, and not the riviting conversations we used to have. But I still really like her, and shes always on my mind. I just dont know what to do. I cant imagine what she sees in that guy and why she would choose to stay with someone like that. I know I could make her happier then he ever could. Its crazy, but this is the first woman I ever envisioned myself having a long committed relationship with. It may sound funny, but thats huge for me, since Im a logical person and the whole 1 man for 1 woman has never seemed logical for me. In the past Ive "had" girls, and have many friends, but this is the first time I actually want a girlfriend. I mean, I now find absolutely no pleasure in meaningless casual sex anymore, and this whole thing is killing me. What should I do?
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Steer clear. Way clear. This guy might have 'friends' on the outside that will mess you over badly if you are caught.
LavendarGirl Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I would say also to leave this one alone. You've got either a homocidal BF who is going to be in prison and very mad you stole his girl OR a BF who is found innocent in a couple of months, released from jail, and very mad you stole his girl. Best to be friends with her and go on with your life...until the one day she tells you she broke things off with her BF on her own, if that ever happens. Also, a bit scary if she is indeed dating a guy who killed someone. Wow, what does that say about her taste in men?
Reggie Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I agree with Lavendar. Her choice in a relationship partner is a huge red flag for mental health issues. Don't put yourself in that "knight in shining armour" position. Saving someone with low self esteem or other issues gets old fast.
Author ferraridave Posted January 7, 2009 Author Posted January 7, 2009 I would say also to leave this one alone. You've got either a homocidal BF who is going to be in prison and very mad you stole his girl OR a BF who is found innocent in a couple of months, released from jail, and very mad you stole his girl. Best to be friends with her and go on with your life...until the one day she tells you she broke things off with her BF on her own, if that ever happens. Also, a bit scary if she is indeed dating a guy who killed someone. Wow, what does that say about her taste in men? Well I dont actually think she is attracted to killers and stuff, since they had been together for 3 years and hes only awaiting sentancing. we had talked about it and she said that she wouldve never expected something like that from him and hes not that type of person, blah, blah, blah. I just dont get why she would stay with him. Your advise is good (and seems to go in line with the advise i get from everyone else) but its still easier said then done. Its hard to just sit there and pretend im ok when im not. Also, my friend told me something that might be true, he said that its possible shes getting close to me as a way out of the relationship. that maybe she doesnt want to be with her bf until shes sure that she can find another. What do you think the possibility is on this? and if it is true, would it be a good thing or bad?
Yamaha Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 Don't put yourself in that "knight in shining armour" position. Saving someone with low self esteem or other issues gets old fast. Ditto.. Accept the fact she has a bf that is in for murder and don't try to save her.
kashmir Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 When I saw the title of this thread I was GOING to say I'm in a similar situation, but when I read that she has a boyfriend in jail awaiting sentencing on attempted murder, it became so much different and so much clearer. Two things: 1) He. Will. Kill. You. ...if you mess with her...well maybe not will, but I'd certainly be worried. I don't care if she's Angelina Jolie...if she has a boyfriend in prison, then RUN! 2) Even if you know for certain that he or his connections pose no danger to you, you have to tell yourself, "This girl is still with a criminal. What kind of girl is she?"
LavendarGirl Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Also, my friend told me something that might be true, he said that its possible shes getting close to me as a way out of the relationship. that maybe she doesnt want to be with her bf until shes sure that she can find another. What do you think the possibility is on this? and if it is true, would it be a good thing or bad? Dave, if this is the case, it's not attractive! She needs to be able to get out of her relationship with her BF completely on her own and without a new man to prop her up. And she could have co-dependency issues, hence defending her BF's situation on jail. Please run. Fast.
brothelmaiden Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 You wanna mess with a girl whose boyfriend has charges of attempted murder? He might have some illegal connections and roughs to put on your back. I wouldn't mess with my life over some girl.
Author ferraridave Posted February 12, 2009 Author Posted February 12, 2009 damn, so i guess i get no sympathy in this situation? I was honestly hoping for advice as to how I could get her to leave him for me. but i guess the saying is true "first time someone calls you a horse, punch them in the face, secont time someone calls you a horse, punch them in the face, third time someone calls you a horse, its time to go shopping for a saddle."
theBrokenMuse Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 damn, so i guess i get no sympathy in this situation? I was honestly hoping for advice as to how I could get her to leave him for me. This has nothing to do with sympathy. You are getting this advice because the people giving you this advice are free of the emotion and drama surrounding this situation that you are caught up in and can see just how seriously unhealthy it is for you to be in the middle of this. Just because his GF says he's not the type to do something like this doesn't mean she is right. Killers, drug addicts, child molesters, ect. are often able to hide their true selves from their wives, children and neighbors. So, don't take her word for it. She may just not see him for who he actually is. The facts are that it's been demonstrated that he may potentially be a violent enough person to try and take someone else's life and you are considering provoking such a person in a way that's akin to kicking a grizzly bear in his jewels. Anyone who'd advise you to do so wouldn't be focusing on what's in your own best interest but your own immediate gratification which wouldn't be worth the possible dangers that came with it.
Owl Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 damn, so i guess i get no sympathy in this situation? I was honestly hoping for advice as to how I could get her to leave him for me. but i guess the saying is true "first time someone calls you a horse, punch them in the face, secont time someone calls you a horse, punch them in the face, third time someone calls you a horse, its time to go shopping for a saddle." OK...think about this...you're posting on a forum asking for advice on how to steal away a girl from a guy who's in jail for attempted murder? What would YOU say to you? Think about it.
blueintheface Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 even if she broke up with the guy before she got into her next relationship does not guaantee the ex will not come after the new bf. imo attempted muderers aren't always the most rational people. OK...think about this...you're posting on a forum asking for advice on how to steal away a girl from a guy who's in jail for attempted murder? What would YOU say to you? Think about it. xD
jj33 Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 Dave this isnt just about the attempted murder. This is a "host of crimes" including attempted murder. Stop being the super hero trying to save the girl from the bad guys. She doesnt want help. If she wanted out, she would be out. He is in jail after all.... How does a nice girl get involved with someone who has committed a "host of crimes" anyway.... and stay with him for 3 years. You know this is dangerous. Focus on your studies. This is trouble waiting to happen. If she was with him through his crime spree how do you know she wasnt in on some of it. Run dont walk. I wouldnt even be friends with her if I were you. If you have feelings for her it will just be difficult.
Author ferraridave Posted February 16, 2009 Author Posted February 16, 2009 This has nothing to do with sympathy. You are getting this advice because the people giving you this advice are free of the emotion and drama surrounding this situation that you are caught up in and can see just how seriously unhealthy it is for you to be in the middle of this. Anyone who'd advise you to do so wouldn't be focusing on what's in your own best interest but your own immediate gratification which wouldn't be worth the possible dangers that came with it. Thats actually a good point, and it would explain why everyone I ask has been giving me advice pretty much on the same wavelength of forget it, cut your losses and move on. The only problem is that its much easier said then done. Im back in school now and even though I try and avoid her as much as I can, its having a negative effect on my life. Im losing sleep a lot now, and I cant focus anymore. I wish I could just talk to her and tell her everything, but im almost positive I kno how that conversation will end, and it will just leave a lot of awkwardness and tension that I could definetely do without. even if she broke up with the guy before she got into her next relationship does not guaantee the ex will not come after the new bf. imo attempted muderers aren't always the most rational people. U kno I never thought of that, but it makes a lot of sense. Ive been so conserned with whats wrong with her to stay with an attempted murderer, that I totally forgot about the attempted murderer! damn this guy could seriously be off the reservation, and if Im with her he could start gunning for me. god, thats exactly what I needed, another complication in an already complicated situation.
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