ss5725 Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Hi everybody, I haven't posted for a few months. I posted because I was emotionally involved with a man who was separated from his wife for 8 mos because she was having an affair, had filed for divorce, etc., and he went back to her several months ago to try and reconcile. I have no idea what is going on with him and his wife, I have completely removed myself from any situations where I might see him, hear of him, etc. Complete NC physically and mentally. Unfortunately I am in a seriously perplexing place emotionally right now. I have been dating quite a bit the last 6 weeks or so and I still miss him so much. I am just so frustrated that I can't seem to move past the feeling that he is supposed to be in my life somehow, and I hate it. What is wrong with me? I only let myself become attached to him because in my mind infidelity is a deal breaker, been there done that (I was cheated on) and I thought he was done and ready to move on. I don't know why I keep finding myself drifting back, remembering the things he said and did with a smile on my face, not hating him. He crushed me when he went back, not because he wanted to give it another shot with his family and wife, but because I felt like a homewrecker because I let myself get involved with him, and I realized that I had made hope of his reconcilliation even more difficult. I guess I just need some comforting words, etc., to get thru this and move on. I really don't need to hear that I shouldn't have gotten involved with a married man, etc., it did end because, duh, obiviously he was still married, but I still fell in love with him, and it still hurts.
LavendarGirl Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 SS, since he's gone back to his W to reconcile, I think NC is the best option for you. I understand completely how this must be wrecking you. You're seeing time passing and it's sinking in that the end of this A might be for good. I don't have any pearls of wisdom other than just to say to keep faith in yourself, and keep on that NC right now, even if you are going through all sorts of emotions. If you call and talk to him, it will make you feel even worse than you feel now. So just take it one day at a time, and soon the intense feelings you have will wane, and you'll be on the mend. Hang in there. --LG.
Author ss5725 Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 Thanks, LG. I won't break NC, I don't want anyone who isn't available anyway. I just find myself crying alot lately wondering if I imagined the connection we had, and if I will ever feel that with anyone again. I'm just sad, and thank you.
frannie Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I was emotionally involved with a man who was separated from his wife for 8 mos because she was having an affair, had filed for divorce, etc., I can't seem to move past the feeling that he is supposed to be in my life somehow, and I hate it. What is wrong with me? He crushed me when he went back... because I felt like a homewrecker because I let myself get involved with him, and I realized that I had made hope of his reconcilliation even more difficult. I don't think anything is wrong with you. In the first place, you had a developing relationship with a man you believed was 'free' or shortly to be free, and that relationship was halted unnaturally and hurtfully. I say 'unnaturally' because the R didn't come to an end because of problems the two of you were having, and that's always hard. And you miss him, and regret what might have been. And that's hard enough to deal with, but on top of that you have the fact that you turned out to have been not his first date after separation but more or less the 'OW', and you're not only labelling yourself but judging yourself and calling yourself an 'homewrecker'. I think you need to ask yourself why you're doing that. If he was separated, she'd cheated on him, and there was a divorce in progress they'd already 'wrecked' the home before you came along. Perhaps you need to look into the feelings you had about the OW when you were cheated on, and how they have or haven't been resolved... you've kind of put yourself in her position (albeit not deliberately, but somehow), and maybe you're dealing with some of that... guilt, perhaps other feelings..? Anyway, there's nothing wrong with you, you're just processing a lot of stuff.
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