techfan Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Hi everyone, I have searched around a bit on the site and havent seen a thread regarding breakup 'rules/ideas' so i thought i might start one here. I was thinking that for everyone reading this section of the site it might be smart for all of us to list a few breakup 'rules or ideas' on how to deal with the breakup. If each poster will post just 1 rule or idea hopefully soon we will have some good advice for newbies (like myself) to use and help everyone move forward. Here's mine: After the breakup, take every gift they ever gave you or picture of them, or even anything that distinctly reminds you of them, put it in a box and store it far away. This way you can avoid seeing things that might trigger memories of your past relationship and you can begin moving forward. Down the line you can always go back and get those possession to reminisce once you have fully healed but for now you dont need those things to remind you of your ex. whos next?
RM0123 Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Do something that you always liked but they never did. This may also sound kind of morbid but it is not supposed to be. I think about people who have lost loved ones and try to realize how meaningless this break-up is in the big picture of life.
Knight_Ctrl Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Don't let them lie to you anymore, they've broken your heart and your trust. You owe them nothing.
californiadreaming Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 NC- No contact, No phone calls, No emails, No texts, No No No nada Zelch Zip Nothing. When you first split you and your partner are not at a level of agreement. You as the dumpee may feel that if he/she knows how you truly feel. "oh I messed up, I have change" - "I am sorry for cheating, I will never do it again" that your ex will change they're mind, and forgive. Well, your wrong. Any form of contact will drive them further. They split with you for a reason, right? Right. Give the space needed. Show respect for they're request. Fight the urges to contact. NC, is always your bestfriend post break up.
emotionalydistraugt Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 If you have a myspace or facebook, delete your ex from both. Delete previous messages you were holding onto because all that does is reopens the wombs. You dont want to spend all your time pondering over what they're doing, where they are, or who their with. All it does is keeps hurting you. It goes along with the NC rule
Ezekiel1337 Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 If you have a myspace or facebook, delete your ex from both. Delete previous messages you were holding onto because all that does is reopens the wombs. You dont want to spend all your time pondering over what they're doing, where they are, or who their with. All it does is keeps hurting you. It goes along with the NC rule wound*** sorry, had to I did the box thing, i put everything in a box and at the back of the attic. I would also recommend getting in contact with friends and get out of the house. Staying at home all day will just make it worse. For guys, i recommend the gym. This is what helps me.
OpenBook Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Remember that time is your best friend. Give yourself some time.
Riffmeister General Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 For guys, i recommend the gym. This is what helps me. Why only guys? Don't think girls are good enough for the gym, eh? Sorry, not trying to get you into trouble! My tip would be write, every day, what's gone on in your head. All the little revelations you've had, how hard it's been, what you're feeling, and most importantly, any nuggets of gold your friends come up with. I find it then makes it feel like it's all organised, permanent, and I can look back over it and see just how far I've come.
Ezekiel1337 Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Why only guys? Don't think girls are good enough for the gym, eh? Sorry, not trying to get you into trouble! My tip would be write, every day, what's gone on in your head. All the little revelations you've had, how hard it's been, what you're feeling, and most importantly, any nuggets of gold your friends come up with. I find it then makes it feel like it's all organised, permanent, and I can look back over it and see just how far I've come. Not saying girls cant either. But physiologically speaking, men cope better through exercise due to all that testosterone. Its more therapeutic for men, but it is also therapeutic for women as well. Not saying they cant, but i ESPECIALLY recommend it for men.
openbook08 Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 join up Love Shack! couldnt have got through a lot of stuff without a lot of people on here thanks
jerry827 Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 if you really love them,dont get over them. sometimes, break up s are temporarily,both of you just need time to calm down and think things through.think about the reasons why you broke up before you feel miserable. do things follow your heart.and do not trust others easily.
motive2002 Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Rule number one: If you were dumped and there are no children involved, never EVER speak to them again. Don't let them assuage their guilt. Don't give them the satisfaction of any sort of acknowledgment. Don't beg or plead. Just walk away and never look back.. but of course it's the never look back part that's hard
FeedingOnFever Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Don't ever let them take away your self-respect. You may have to watch for this in small ways. Wait before you do anything rash; draft out an email, then wait before sending it. Practice what you want to say before calling. Wait a good long while. You will probably change your mind once the emotions cool off. I agree with N.C. - contact them only out of utter necessity. Anything else is giving them way more than they deserve. I just have to say that I feel very strange and bubbly inside, reading everything that you all have to say. I think it's beautiful how strong the human spirit is, and how hard each of us tries on our journeys, and how much stronger we all become. Yes, yes, gushy gushy time is over. It's just that coming to this forum is the best thing I have done so far.
durotto Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I see her and her new bf at office every f****** day ... we are all in the same floor .. and can see each other every day .. no cubicles . just tables .. it is breaking my heart and although I have been NC for 4 days .. except for occasional office work related talk I have been NC .. It is breaking my heart to see them together .. pls advise and help
EmperorR Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 don't beg plead, send them flowers, write long letters, emails i mdae this mistake. Go NC as soon as possible and don't look back. Don't accept friendship, if you want to be friend's with them you have to wait untill your okay hearing about them with someone else then you can. Listen to the advice your getting here, I didn't at first and it set me back, we all think our relationship is different so special we know the other partner, but the characteristics are striking similar. Trust me.
trueblue72ny Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 i agree. i would be very , extremely cautious about the friends thing. my ex wants or wanted to be friends. i dont know anymore i havent talked to her. at first i was like cool. now i dont think its such a good idea.
againstallodds Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 i agree. i would be very , extremely cautious about the friends thing. my ex wants or wanted to be friends. i dont know anymore i havent talked to her. at first i was like cool. now i dont think its such a good idea. I would only be friend if I can fall in love with a better girl lol.
againstallodds Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I see her and her new bf at office every f****** day ... we are all in the same floor .. and can see each other every day .. no cubicles . just tables .. it is breaking my heart and although I have been NC for 4 days .. except for occasional office work related talk I have been NC .. It is breaking my heart to see them together .. pls advise and help Find another job.
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