Goatsbreath Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Ok, Ive handled the breakup so wrong. Its been about a month. I did everything I was not supposed to. I cried, I begged, I pleaded, I had angry outburst and then I was nice and went NC. I went 11 days and then slipped up when I saw her with her new interest....some married guy that has two kids and is over 10 years her age. Hes seperated from his wife apparently at this point and works at her work. I confronted them in the car as I explained in another post in a bank parking lot. It was short and I was angry. Later when she came to get her stuff from the apartment I pretty much ignored her while me and my friend packed some of my stuff. The next day which is today I totally LOST IT. I broke down so hard sitting among boxes and memories by myself. I called her like 5 times in a hour period and she answered somewhat annoyed. When she heard I was crying she changed her tone. We talked for a good 30 minutes and I was just nice, not begging, but crying and regretful for not trying to make things more exciting for us. She said that it was not my fault and we tried living together and it just didn't work out. When I asked her how she could get over me so fast she said "how do you know I am" I mentioned the guy and how hard it was to see her with him and she said just because there is a guy in the car it don't mean were getting married. I asked her if she still loves me and she said she does but right now it feels more like a friend. QUESTION: So, I want to go NC again and I know it should only be for myself but I still want to go NC on the best possible terms of leaving any possibility that she would want me back available. I have heard people say that the best way to do this is almost agree with the break and go NC and give her space. I can't really agree with it at this point as it would seem Im flipping to much and not really practical. Do I just go NC from this point. Is there a better way to go into NC? I dont know, any suggestions?
starzphalling Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 In my opinion, the only way to fix handling a breakup badly is: FORGIVE YOURSELF and keep on living. as for the nc thing, i'm not even going to pretend i can help with that right now. i'm going insane myself.
cabarc1 Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Ok i did the exact same thing for about 2 months after i found out my ex was with a new girl. I had never had a bf so i didn't know that you DO NOT go back crying like a fool but i did and it annoyed the crap out of him. Once i realized that the NC thing was what u are supposed to do, i called to speak to him one more time, we cooked dinner and left off on a good note. 1 month later his whole attitude changed toward me, he was looking at me differently and being really sweet (which came about because I HAD TO contact him about a house we have together) and he took me out and everything. He said that he wasn't ruling anything out because what we had was special but i hurt him and that's why he moved on to someone else which i don't blame him. 5 weeks of NC went by after that and during that time he text me to tell me it was snowing outside (which i ignored because the last time we talked i had told him to never contact me unless it was to say he wanted to get back together), he left some money in my car a week later when he knows he could have given it to my brother and on xmas eve he sent over a $200 gift card and a pumpkin pie he baked me. I tried to give it back the next day(just leave it and run cause i didn't want to see him and of course he comes pulling up while i was there!! i was not prepared for that!) and told him it wasn't appropriate since he has a gf who has no clue of his feelings towards me and he went off about how he misses me and thinks of me all the time and how he still likes taking care of me. Point is, it's never too late to try the no contact thing even though you screwed up. I could really kick myself right now because i totally screwed up by crying when i tried to give him the gift back and made it totally obvious i still had huge feelings for him. At one point he grabbed me and started kissing me. He is having his cake and eating it too!! I don't know if he is playing games( and trying to stay in my head) or if he is being genuine and really is confused!! Point is do the NC first and foremost to allow yourself to heal and go on as if they are never coming back. And also do it to allow them to miss you. If they are with someone else, the honeymoon stage lasts from 6 to 18 months so just let it run it's course! It's been 5 months all together and i'm just now healing. Hopefully more than a month can go by without him trying to find some way to get in my head, if he does i WILL NOT allow him to find out it affected me. He will not hear from me until he says he's ready to come back, if that ever happens. Until then i'm moving on and so should you. No contact also allows them to forget why they even broke up with you!
Recommended Posts