hotdancer2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Hi, my boyfriend and I are considering an open relationship. (For background read my last post.) Does anyone have experience with this? What are the implications?
sand26 Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Hi, I have been in three open relationships. It is not for everybody!! Seriously, both partners need to desire this situation before they begin, it will not "grow" on you. I kind of persuaded my first GF to do this when I was a young man and it was a really painful experience for all involved. Here are some requirements for a successful open relationship (IMHO): *Both partners should have strong self esteem *Both partners should have an extremely active life *Both partners should be severely independent in all forms: emotionally, financially, etc. *Both partners should desire to be with others *There should be no hints of jealousy before beginning such a relationship *No hints of possessiveness or controlling behavior *Ability to be completely detached from sexual encounters *Discretion (don't tell your partner who,where,or when) So, that's what I could think of off the top of my head. Truth is, I don't do this anymore. I would never be monogamous, but a I just don't see the point in having a GF and dating others, why not just date them all equally. My advice: If you are unsure whether this is for you.. then it probably isn't. Imagine your partner sleeping with someone else, having an orgasm, etc.; Does it turn you on? Make you mad? Sad? indifferent? There is your answer.
Star Gazer Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I really have never understood how "open" and "relationship" can ever really be put together. It's no different than a FWB arrangement IMO.
You'reasian Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I really have never understood how "open" and "relationship" can ever really be put together. It's no different than a FWB arrangement IMO. I agree with this. I did the open relationship alot in my early 20's and more often than not, the women ended up getting hurt. Tried it again a few more times and the same thing happened - its happened to me once or twice as well.
Crestfallen_KH Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Never engage in an open relationship if you're not ok with giving up the primary one.
fishtaco Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 I know a swinger couple whose marriage is happier and longer lasting than many of my other friends' traditional monogamous ones. People are different. I don't judge. But sand26's post makes a lot of sense, at least from the perspective of someone that has never tried an open relationship.
Phateless Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 It's hard to go from exclusive to open. This is an attempt by both parties to have your cake and eat it too. 9 times out of 10 someone is more attached, someone gets hurt, someone feels cheated on despite the "open" title.
Crestfallen_KH Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 I don't doubt they work (though no outside person really has any clue about the level of happiness in another couple's marriage), but I have to believe that transitioning a traditional, monogomous relationship to an open relationship is rarely successful. I think open relationships can work only if: 1) Neither party is heavily invested in the primary relationship or 2) Both parties share the exact same mindset when it comes to monogomy, loyalty, sex, etc. (which rarely happens with men and women) I've read your other post and Phateless was dead on there - your bf is just trying to save the relationship, but he's not supportive of this alternative. When I felt my ex-husband pulling away, I considered all kinds of options to keep the relationship because I couldn't accept that it was over. Honestly, I predict you're at the beginning of the end. By even proposing this and then being excited about it, you've put the nail in the coffin that was this relationship.
mental_traveller Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Hi, my boyfriend and I are considering an open relationship. (For background read my last post.) Does anyone have experience with this? What are the implications? Herpes is the first implication that springs to mind.
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