Transition to University

[Eve]

Does anyone have any good tips or advice regarding helping their child with the transition to University life? My girl is very good with her studies but is panicking about leaving the safety of home. The last few months have been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, the crux of which is the feeling which she describes as an unsurity that she is ready as yet because she is happy where she is. I have been pushing for her to have the full University experience because this is what she has been speaking about since age 9. Also, I have heard that the 'cant let go' sort of Mother doesnt bode well in the long run. My daughter is worried because she has everything at home already - good friends, great social life. Relocating away from home seems almost like suicide. Especially financial suicide.

 

I think that I must be strong and keep leading her to take the courageous step to move away. My Parents have advised to be prepared to let her stay at home and travel to a local University .. even just for a year until her confidence grows... just in case she gets lonely. She is the introspective sort who likes consistency and has always had this. She has no interest in boys or the typical exploits. She just studies and enjoys her life with her family and friends. Parties have never played a major role in her life.

 

She just wants to make cutting edge films and I know she will.

 

I think that she will need to gain a thirst for travelling. She already has this but considers her safety as an old woman would consider it. She takes no risks and has no intention of changing. I think that she has a wise soul and so I trust her decisions but need to open myself to other perspectives to ensure that I am supporting her as best as I possibly can.

 

Regards,

Eve xx

[malibustacydoll]

I just typed a very long post to respond to this but somehow it got lost. I will try to summarize..

 

I go to college in the U.S. and I was just like your daughter-- quite scared and had everything going for me staying home. College has been a great experience though. She will make better friends there than she has now-- friends at college are like family. The first semester is the hardest though-- a lot of people quite during the first year. Make her promise to at least go through a year without giving up. It is hardest because you don't know the area or anyone. It might be helpful if she finds out where she is living for her to try to get ahold of people ahead of time who may be living there-- ie via facebook. I was able to start talking to people ahead of time which helped out quite a bit. Regarding the partying, she may never admit it to you but more than likely when she is at college she willl attend at least one party. I never really did the party scene until college. My parents could describe me in the same way they described your daughter. However, you shouldn't worry because your daughter sounds very smart and I am sure she could handle herself in any situation. I wouldn't worry though. College is a great experience. Once she gets the first year it should all be gravy from then on! I am graduating this year and I will certainly miss it. I have some great experiences though from being here.

[quankanne]

what about a semester or two – or even a summer session – at a nearby junior or community college? It's a great way to transition from HS to college, and a way for kids to broaden their horizons while still having some familiar faces around. I'm guessing once she sees it's not as scary as she imagines, she might become eager to get into a four-year school right away. Or, if she's worried about finances, the longer she stays at the two-year school to get her basics out of the way, the less debt she accumulates. it might even make the difference in being able to go to a film school rather than just a university program that offers a film course or three.

 

unless she's looking at UT Austin

 

then I highly advise getting down there as quickly as possible, she'd love the small-town but VERY unique atmosphere of Austin!

[Eve]

Thank you future..

 

I know that she will experience things which I will never know about, (we always talk, though I think she will tell me most of it in an editted version because I am her Mother and she respects me) In many respects I long for her to push the boundaries just a little. She is the equivalent to the male lead in the film, 'The Sassy Girl', always understanding though quite abrubt at times. She knows what is 'out there', hence she logically chooses to stay at home and her exploits can be outrageous but never offensive. She is the one who makes sure her friends are safe... and they are good friends. I have explained to her that they should all move on too in time but what they have will be like a special marker. They have all known each other from a very early age.

 

Making her promise to stick out at least the first year away from home sounds good... I just dont want her to regret anything. I had her at a ridiculously young age and she is the one who has taught me that we must strive to be the best we can! I think somehow she has learned to rely on my foresight when her foresight is exceptional! I know that she will navigate social circles well and be the best she can be. It is who she is.

 

How can I encourage her without seeming that I dont care? I think that she takes my encouragement as not caring you see.

 

She is a good kid... a good woman but she does not feel that she is a woman because she is in my home.

 

She loves her younger sister (the wild one of the entire family but we are keeping her under a good level of self control) and is used to a 'real' interactions above money and all the frivolous archetypes people gravitate towards. Mostly, I have been telling her my stories of how I came to be who I am but without my spiritual stories.. and she loves my stories. Lately she has been more interested in my spiritual stories and there have been TV programs to back up what I have been through so that she can process what I am telling her. I just want her to make her own story now and not look back.

 

Maybe I should help her to meet other older women? She loves the company of older women who have lived life to the full. I just know that I must do something extra special now to help her. Maybe we could do something especially poignant every month as she prepares to leave home?

 

Any ideas?

 

Whatever comes into your mind, please share.

 

Thank you.

 

Regards,

Evexx

[malibustacydoll]

It sounds like you two have a very good relationship. There probably isnt a lot more than you can do to prepare her for university other than let her know that you're always there with her. My relationship with my own mother has grown as I have been at college. I stiill see her about three times a year and we have great times just like before but we can connect on a deeper more adult level now. I think you should just let your daughter know that you're there to talk. I enjoy calling my mom when I have a problem or a bad day still. College friends help but they are never quite your own mom. I talk to my mom at least every other day. I am assuming she wont be going too far to where she will be able to see you at least a few times a year. I know one of my friends here has her family about 8 hours away and her mom sends her packages for various holidays to keep her in mind. I'm not talking just the big holidays but even smaller ones too just so she gets that touch of home-- even if it is just fresh cookies.

 

I would suggest telling her stories too. My mom has been doing that a lot mroe lately. She is at the age that I think you can start telling her even more personal stories like men you have dated in your life, or even your experiences with alcohol or parties. I think it is awkward for us kids to ask our parents about this stuff but we are definitely curious. It then helps us learn from your mistakes.

 

If you want any more advice on college life or anything feel free to let me know. :-)

[quankanne]

actually, introducing her to strong women who have forged their way to success (*their* terms of success) is a good idea – she'll understand that even though the journey can be iffy or scary or hard at times, the goal is worthwhile.

 

and she might have a few trusted resources to rely on if/when she goes off to school and they're close by when she needs some "mama wisdom" – I do that with an older couple who have become my "other" set of parents, and it's been wonderful.

[Eve]

Thanks Mali and Quank. I dont now why I shortened Malis name to future (?)

 

Since writing this post a lot has happened. Daughter and I have really talked and she is feeling a whole lot better about moving away. One thing she has said is that she will not be able to see herself change and become more confident. Life sweeps on and she doesnt want to forget these times. Hubby and I have thought it may be good to make a video for her and rope her friends into it as well. We think that she will like this. Then when she adds a chapter or two before leaving home she will always be able to look back on this time in her life.

 

Her choices of University are varied in distance. The longest distance is only three hours. So, realistically, we will not be too far away at all.

 

I think we are in for quite a few changes but feel much more confident now.

 

Thanks for listening.

 

Regards,

Eve xx