Balthazar Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 It is common practice where I live to send texts on New Year's Day or even in the following days wishing the other person a happy new year. The problem with these texts is that they are usually generic and impersonal as they are sent to a list of people. With this in mind, I received a personal message on January 2nd from a lady who I had dated for a time last year. The text was personal and was the first contact between us for several months. (I had pursued a policy of No contact with her to protect myself from my feelings for her- in fact, I took her off my Facebook list so as not to have to see her) (Regular LS posters will know who I am talking about). In the text she wished me a Happy New Year with love , happiness and joy- but nothing further was said, like for example, "How are you doing?" or "Let's meet up" Now, my first reaction was not to answer. Then I thought it over and decided I might as well send a text. So I send a message the following day wishing her the same. It was a bit curt. Now, the lady in question has her name day on January 7th, and name days are pretty big here, much like birthdays in the US. I am not certain what to do. I still have feelings for her, but I have already broken "no contact" with the SMS. If I call or text her on Thursday, I will probably feel tempted to ask her out - and I am not sure I should do this. It would throw months of "No Contact" down the drain. And I don't know this woman's motives... The New year's text may have been just a gesture of politeness. She may want to become "friends" - although I don't see the point in that. On the other hand, she may want to test the romantic waters again - weirder things have happened. She is still single from what I know. So my question is... Should I call or text on her Name Day, possibly setting up some kind of meeting in the next few days, or should I just consider the New Year's SMS from her as just a polite gesture and not read anything else into it? I know what I am gravitating towards doing, and I sincerely believe in nothing ventured , nothing gained but I would appreciate any insight or advice from fellow members, Finally, Happy New Year to all the members, administrators and moderators of Loveshack. Hopefully 2009 will find more people content in their relationships and lovelife! Cheers,
BCCA Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 should I just consider the New Year's SMS from her as just a polite gesture and not read anything else into it? Honestly, this is exactly what you should do, but I know its hard. Its difficult for us guys to comprehend, but women honestly just like knowing that people are on friendly terms with them and dont hate them. I would let it go, dont call/text on her name day (as you are not obligated), and see if she calls you again. There are a million reasons she couldve texted you, so dont read into this message too much. If you get others, then re-evaluate it.
Author Balthazar Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 Sounds like good advice BCCA. Thanks,
smartgirl70 Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 It seems like you've not got much to lose by texting her a simple message on her day. She just texted you, after all. Keep it simple and see if she responds with anything that suggests she might be interested in talking.
norajane Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I still have feelings for her, but I have already broken "no contact" with the SMS. And look where it got you - right back into wondering about her and about testing waters and getting back together.... NC, go back to nc and don't contact her! You need to move on in the new year, not backwards mired in thoughts of her.
norajane Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 It seems like you've not got much to lose by texting her a simple message on her day. She just texted you, after all. Keep it simple and see if she responds with anything that suggests she might be interested in talking. He has his peace of mind to lose. Look at what her ONE LITTLE happy new year text got him: Now, my first reaction was not to answer. Then I thought it over and decided I might as well send a text. So I send a message the following day wishing her the same. It was a bit curt. Now, the lady in question has her name day on January 7th, and name days are pretty big here, much like birthdays in the US. I am not certain what to do. I still have feelings for her, but I have already broken "no contact" with the SMS. If I call or text her on Thursday, I will probably feel tempted to ask her out - and I am not sure I should do this. It would throw months of "No Contact" down the drain. And I don't know this woman's motives... The New year's text may have been just a gesture of politeness. She may want to become "friends" - although I don't see the point in that. On the other hand, she may want to test the romantic waters again - weirder things have happened. She is still single from what I know. So my question is... Should I call or text on her Name Day, possibly setting up some kind of meeting in the next few days, or should I just consider the New Year's SMS from her as just a polite gesture and not read anything else into it? I know what I am gravitating towards doing, and I sincerely believe in nothing ventured , nothing gained but I would appreciate any insight or advice from fellow members,
Author Balthazar Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 It seems like you've not got much to lose by texting her a simple message on her day. She just texted you, after all. Keep it simple and see if she responds with anything that suggests she might be interested in talking. Oh, she'll talk alright Smartgirl, and she will say how happy she is to hear from me, and then we will agree to go out for dinner or whatever. But then, she will gain break off contact for any number of days, and start doing her thing again. I know it is a New Year and I am being cynical. Sorry Folks! I have a whole day to think about it. I appreciate all the advice you are giving...
Tomcat33 Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Isn't this the hot and cold Christian chick that wanted to take it slow? Sounds like she is messing with your head again. She obvious wants something otherwise she would not contact you but what she wants, who knows? Anyway, if it's really gonna bother you just say "hey" back and ask her what's up. Simple as that. She is clearly testing the waters.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I guess it depends on how bored you are right now. If you are bored, you know that this girl will stir things up. Is that what you want right now? Are you willing to go through that again?
Jilly Bean Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 It was a generic mass text. You responded, and she did not reply. There's your answer. Just let it go.
Author Balthazar Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 I am pretty sure Tomcat, Cherry and Jilly have it right. The text was not generic Jilly, but that doesn't mean it will actually lead anywhere. Thanks,
Dumbledore Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Sadly, we spend way too much time second-guessing ourselves, and the motives of others. My response would have been swift, and right to the point. "Lovely to hear from you! I think of you every time I dust my butt-cheeks with baby powder. Anyway, there's always a little extra for you, if you ever change your mind. Take care, and just in case I never hear from you again, Happy Name Day on the 7th!"
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I vote for going back to NC. She didn't respond back to YOUR text - I agree that's her answer.
Author Balthazar Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 UPDATE Yep, you guessed it, I couldn't leave it alone(God knows I tried...) So I send Joanna an email asking her what's up with her New Year's SMS. Why the contact after about a month and a half of silence? I told her that I had deleted her from FB because it seemed to me that she did not want any contact(she didn't return a call of mine). Furthermore, I explain that I had no intention of ever contacting her again until her SMS. I finish by telling her that if we start talking again, it will reach some point where I will ask her out. Is that what she wants? Her reply was an email where she states she is "too busy" for a personal life and she goes on about this and that. She is very persistent in stating her extremely hectic schedule and how she has "no free time" for herself.... She said she just texted me to wish me a Happy New Year because she wanted to see how I was. Finally, she states that she will respect my wish for "No contact" but hopes I will reconsider this. She then sends another email inviting me to Sunday brunch at her place, adding that she should really like it if I came.... But for what happened there , see my next post...
Author Balthazar Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 Sunday Brunch I arrive at about 12:30 and many of her friends are already there. She greets me and ushers me in to meet them. Most of them are from her church and believe it or not, are pretty normal people. Most of them are definitely upper middle class, educated and quite friendly. It was a pleasant surprise! Note: She does not introduce me to a particularly attractive young lady in a mini skirt. I socialize with her friends, and the conversation is fine. At around 1:30 her ex-BF comes in. This is a fellow who she was with for 2 years- they broke up then they were together for another 5 months before breaking up again last March. He is an OK guy but a bit lacking in nerve, very limp sort of dude. I think he still has lingering feelings for her, maybe she does too. They are both in the same circle of friends at church, so this may explain why they are still friends. Personally, I find it a bit unusual. Anyway, I introduce myself to the attractive lady in the mini skirt and she replies that she is Joanne's very good friend and knows all about me . But I notice that she made STRONG eye contact with me all during the brunch and she would play hot/cold with me. I mentioned I was throwing a party at the end of the month and invited her and two other ladies. I also mention that I would be going to the theater later that evening and she seemed very eager to find out where and at what time. It is as if she wanted me to invite her! I was careful though and did not continue ...after all, Joanne is still the one I am interested in. I also met Joanne's family and her mom was very friendly indeed. When I was about to leave she asked me to stay longer, but I politely said I had to go. At least one woman in that family likes me.... I spoke with Joanne for about 20 minutes(I stayed about 3 hours) and she seemed to indirectly asking me to ask her out by referring to the fact that she would like to go to a movie or a play... I decided not to do anything, there would be time for that in the next few days. She ushers me out and we both mention that we will talk soon. So that is about it. I would welcome any insights into this chain of events and advice about how to proceed, Thanks for reading folks,
Dumbledore Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 Sounds like she wants you bad, but she wants to make you work for it. Hard.
Author Balthazar Posted January 14, 2009 Author Posted January 14, 2009 Sounds like she wants you bad, but she wants to make you work for it. Hard. Either that, or she doesn't want me bad. Still wants to make me work though. Hard.
CommitmentPhobe Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 EDIT: Oh pants I missed your update Well she sounds like a weirdy woman good luck with that.. waste of energy if you ask me
CommitmentPhobe Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 And by the way if you really want Joanne to be interested try nailing her hot friend.
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