GloryDays Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Hi all, If any of you have time to read it...my story is in the Abuse section. Basically, my ex became verbally abusive to me this past Saturday for the first time and I am accepting that were over because I wont be treated that way...but I am still hurting and do not understand why he did it. I stopped responding to him via text messages Saturday after he sent me some nasty texts. Now all my friends and family are telling me that they think he'll try to contact me again because he's not normal. I don't know what to think. I'm thinking because I stopped responding to him he wont contact me because he is Mr. Control Freak. (Not that I want him to contact me anyways...but I can't help but wonder). So my question is...do you guys think he will (I know hard to answer since you don't know him)? Also, if he does what do I do? Do I just ignore him, move forward and not acknowledge him or do I reply back saying something like "I am sorry but you crossed the line with the terrible, vulgar things you said to me and I am done."?????
You'reasian Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I'm thinking because I stopped responding to him he wont contact me because he is Mr. Control Freak. (Not that I want him to contact me anyways...but I can't help but wonder). So my question is...do you guys think he will (I know hard to answer since you don't know him)? Also, if he does what do I do? Do I just ignore him, move forward and not acknowledge him or do I reply back saying something like "I am sorry but you crossed the line with the terrible, vulgar things you said to me and I am done."????? If he stops contacting you, he is essentially relinquishing control - which means whatever angst or indecision was going on between the two of you was let go. A control freak would try to taint remaining contact, not approach you for an apology. How would I think about it: 1. Think about the entire relationship. What has this man done for you, thinking about you (and not him)? Has he done anything for you that other men would not? How has he treated you overall? What have you done for this man? What have you done for him that no other woman would do? How have you treated this man? 2. Think about the conflict. What caused the conflict? Have you actually had a deep seated discussion with this man about the conflict? Did he stop and listen to you? Did you listen to him? 3. Weight it all out. If the overall good of the relationship outweighs the bad, then approach this man and try to work things out. If not, then call it quits. Good luck!
Geishawhelk Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 So my question is...do you guys think he will (I know hard to answer since you don't know him)? Also, if he does what do I do? Do I just ignore him, move forward and not acknowledge him or do I reply back saying something like "I am sorry but you crossed the line with the terrible, vulgar things you said to me and I am done."????? My advice to you would be certainly to sever all contact, and do whatever it takes to stop him being able to contact you. Go all out, change your home 'phone number, change your e-mail, change your mobile phone, do everything possible to put a universe between you two. But the most important thing is for you to keep yourself safe. The way he speaks, he sounds capable of anything. Does he know where you work? If 'yes', advise security, and give them a snapshot of him. I really, truly wouldn't put it past him to be stalker material. but I'm painting a worst-case scenario here. You're right we don't know him. But - I wouldn't want to anyway!!
RM0123 Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I agree with the above post to some degree. I don't know if you need to go about changing everything but I would for sure not respond if he tries to contact you. I can promise you that anyone that verbally abuse you once, WILL do it again. I have never ever seen a case that has not. Unfortunately though me telling you this is not going to stop you from talking to him if you want to. I suggest you seek some help from a psychologist if you find yourself going back to this guy. People that can't walk away will keep going back time and time and time again.
Author GloryDays Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 Thanks guys. You'reasian I've thought about what you said. He has done alot for me as far as financially (buying alot of the things in my apartment, always treating me to dinners, putting work and money into my truck, etc.) BUT these are things other men would do also. Overall he's been a jerk. I don't think there will be a conversation between him and I again. I cannot get past what he said to me...but I am so hurt and having a hard time letting go in my own mind.. Geishawhelk- That's what a few of my good girlfriends told me to do...as well as my mom who is my best friend! He does know where I work and has been seen driving by before. Back in November he left a 7 page hand written letter to my truck window while I was inside work stating he was in love with me and I'm the only girl he couldn't move on from. He openly has admitted to me that he drives past my house (he's been caught in the act several times) and he also admitted to checking my myspace (which is blocked but he can still see my quotes on the main page). All this being said...he sure has stalked before. But..I have NEVER had any fear of him. He's never tried to come at me physically and always walked out or walked away from me when we argued. I'm not saying that potential isn't there...because ofcourse I really don't know for sure. The words he said to me really sent me spinning. I never thought he'd be so crude and disrespectful so I guess I don't know him well enough either to know how he's going to handle this. For all I know he could already be getting involved with someone else and maybe he just wants nothing to do with me? All I can go by is the past, and in the past he did do the drivebys etc. But eventually people stop, don't they?
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