spider2000 Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Hello everyone... I will be as quick as possible: I'm 24yo (i look like 18) and there is a coworker of mine who is very hot (a 10 for sure) and she is 26, Russian and lives with her sister who is married to a much older guy and they have a kid, last July we started talking more than usual and I ended getting her number. I asked her out, after refusing she reschedule a week later, we hit it off pretty good, she enjoyed and so did I, she always mentioned that she is in a time at her life that she should be getting married and having children (more serious stuff) it didn't bother me, as I wanted a more serious relationship too. Her lasts boyfriends were all above 37, she was engaged one time and got dumped on Christmas she was devastated, acording to her, (you will see why this matters later)... First date was normal, no kiss, just laughing and talking. After that, I asked her out again many times, and she always made excuses, but always remained close and contacted me again, I just played cool and fun(for now). She was very flaky (and moody sometimes). On september it was her birthday I sent her flowers and a romantic letter, she was amazed and said it was unexpected, I asked her out that day and she accepted, I went for the kiss and BINGO everything went fine that night. After that we started talking and texting everynight, romantic hot stuff, kisses, my sweetheart and stuff... She said one time that I was the best thing that happened to her this year. BUT she wouldnt go out with me anymore, always with excuses, very weird, I tried the no contact, thinking she wasnt interested and she always iniciated contact again. After many broken dates we went out again in november (no sex yet). The problem was that I was starting falling in love with her, she said she was too, it was a strong feeling and with every broken date after that, I started to get really hurt, and she noticed that. And on december, a week before christmas she said that she was thinking about us and she didnt want to get hurt or hurt me but there are many reasons this relationship would not go well, first she is older than me and she said she is looking for other things and second is that we work together so its better to stop now, she says she loves but its better to stay friends. She said "Life is not what we want but what we have to do" One day you will understand (what the hell does that mean?) She asked me to forgive her and stay her friend. I was devastated!!! It was horrible, and she saw it. We kept talking everyday as usual, I tried to keep my cool, and on christmas, she invited me to her house at night... We talked, had drinks, she explained that she is confused, that she doesnt know if she wants a relationship with me, and then after a while she kissed me and we had sex (amazing sex!) I slept over, i noticed she was confused (regret maybe) she was very loving and caring that day. She asked if it was worth it, all the persuing, I said yes, she asked if I will continue to persue I said yes, she smiled. After tha day she said the same thing about being friends again and I ended up at her home and having sex again (her iniciative) . She said one time, lets call this an open relationship... After that everything went back to normal as friends. New Year we just talked on the phone, she said she loved me, I did it too, but thats it. Im still madly in love with her, cant stop thinking about her, and she is cool, like good friends, we laugh at times at work remebering that christmas night, she said she had a great time, but no more warm messages for now. Now, what the hell is up with this woman?!? She got her heart broken really bad in the past.. Can I get her to be mine ever? Do I continue? Stay friends (with benefits maybe?) Is there HOPE? Im getting crazy! My heart is already broken.... Any opinions?!?!
hotdancer2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Hey, you might want to keep the posts a little shorter . I think she is playing a lot of games with you. Are you going to put up with that? I wouldn't.
BCCA Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Sounds to me like you were good for a roll in the hay when she needed/wanted it, but she doesnt want to date you. NO woman in their right mind wants an open relationship with a guy they want to date. And the problem now is that she's thrown out the friend thing and youve gone along with it, so now shes going assume its ok with you. IF you only want a FWB, then whatever...go with it. But I havent known too many people to post here that are really ok with being just friends, even if its FWB. She's already shown a pattern of behavior thats concerning. She flakes a lot and has mentioned being just friends several times. Whats up with her is that shes being very selfish. If she was hurt before, sometimes people feel entitled to be selfish for a while. One thing is certain though, she doesnt seem to value you very much, and she hasnt dont much to show that she genuinely cares to have you in her life. And dont read into an 'i love you' on the phone, it really could be nothing.
norajane Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Dude, she spelled it out for you: she always mentioned that she is in a time at her life that she should be getting married and having children (more serious stuff) she said that she was thinking about us and she didnt want to get hurt or hurt me but there are many reasons this relationship would not go well, first she is older than me and she said she is looking for other things and second is that we work together so its better to stop now, she says she loves but its better to stay friends. She said "Life is not what we want but what we have to do" One day you will understand She likes you, but she needs to find a man to marry her. You are not that guy because you're too young and probably don't make enough money for her to feel financially secure enough to start a family with you. "Life is not what we want but what we have to do" is very much a fatalist Russian view on life. Meaning, she's practical and needs to find a husband, regardless of where her emotions lead her. Unless you are willing and able to marry her and be capable of supporting a family, you are not the practical answer for her. You may be fun, romance, and even love, but you can't deliver on what she needs practically. Accept this for what it is - a temporary relationship until she meets the guy who will marry her, or move on.
BobSacamento Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 If nothing else it could make a good script. It was a pretty interesting read. She seems very mysterious. Do you really know what she wants?
Author spider2000 Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 I think Norajane got it right (Thank you!) about her views in life. Thats so cold, I believe life is about passion and the hell with the rest, age difference, money, race... But she tried what her sister did, and it didn't work out for her, she got engaged with an older men and he dumped her. It's very difficult to accept this for me. I want her to be happy, It looks like she is very happy when we are together. Maybe when she talked about marriage and future in the beginning she wasnt talking about me. I thought she did, she always said that I am very mature for my age (I get that alot from people). After THAT Christmas night for a moment she looked very confused and said "What did I get into?!?" Like she couldn't control her emotions and it was just a weakness by her side. She is so confused, she said that night, "how can this work?" "When I will be older I am gonna look older and stuff and you will be in a good shape as a men, that you will not want me anymore." She is very paraoid about her appearance. About what BCCA said: When she mentioned the friend thing the first time I was devastated, but then I saw this as the only way to keep her close. Now, as you said, she is assuming that's ok with me... How can I fix this? I got here because of my persistence. I want to continue, but I dont know if it's worth it. It's very difficult to stop, seeing her everyday makes it even more difficult. Do I give her some space, or continue, trying to change her mind? (can I?) And why did she get involved with me in the first place? The company that we work is very small (10 people), I am good friends with our boss(family friend), nobody knows anything about us. She values her job alot. She never got involved with anyone in the company. And thank you for all the replies.
norajane Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 She's only 2 years older than you - I doubt she's going to end up looking like a hag in the future while you're still fresh as a daisy. The bottom line is: she wants (and maybe needs) to get married. Are you even open to the idea of marriage at this time in your life? If not, you have to let her go and move on.
Author spider2000 Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 The bottom line is: she wants (and maybe needs) to get married. Are you even open to the idea of marriage at this time in your life? I don't know. Of course I need to get to know her better, she needs to change, maybe so do I. Lately I am confused too. Who knows if I'm ready for something like this. I want marriage, kids... It was the first time a woman caught my emotions like that, with my past girlfriends, I didn't care that much, they were the ones who suffered... I'm holding myself not to call her anymore. It seems that she's trying to distant herself from me those last couple of days. I think time will tell, I don't know. I thought I was the perfect guy for her. Great talks, very good intimacy, excellent chemistry in general. Maybe she doesn't sees me as a husband, like you said. I cannot change that, I am the type of guy who doesn't pretend to be someone he's not, I am just myself around women. No games. Thanks again Norajane.
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