pharmrox123 Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Hey there! this is my first post on loveshack so hopefully im doing everything right and hopefully (crossing fingers) i can get some answers/opinions/ideas/resolutions/ANYTHING about my problem... I am currently dating a boy in my pharmacy class. He's a great guy. He's smart, comes from a great family, very affluent, caring, etc. The only problem is he's not the same religion as me (and religion is very important to me). When I first started dating him I thought we could look past the differences and still enjoy our time together.So.. For the last 4 weeks, he's been keeping minimal contact with me as he is with his family and spending time with them during the holidays. I was upset when he finally called on NYE and he felt really bad about the situation and said "I LOVE YOU" for the first time that night. I just replied "okay" (haha! im not sure how i feel about him) So.. during this time of my "independency" at home (since my bf was sooo busy with his friends/family) I met a guy through a mutual friend who would be-- what they call "a potential husband". He's a 4th year med student, same religion as me, smart, comes from a great family. I have so much more in common with him that its almost creepy. I can spend hours talking to him about things I haven't even opened up with my boyfriend. (btw He doesn't know that I have a boyfriend.) So now, school is starting next week and my boyfriend wants to take a trip this weekend to sorta "rekindle" our relationship and I am not sure I even want to go. but he already bought the tickets... and if i decide to break things off--its hard since we're in the same class I don't want things to be awkward between us-- and the fact he blurted out "i love you" was a little too much for me. I'm not sure what to do or how to even start a conversation with him about the situation. I care a lot about my boyfriend and i think that if things dont work out, our friendship is gonna be very weird. we basically have the same mutual friends so i dont want more stress in school that I already have. I think that yes, it was a big mistake to date someone in class but i think sicne we've been only going out for 4 months.. it wont be as awkward than us dating for longer time and end up breaking up. what do u guys think??
edinsvet Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Well your in the unique position of dating 2 potential doctors. And they must be young, are they handsome? Many women would kill to be in your shoes. All is fair in love in war And your "boyfriend" won't say he loves you. So I would keep working them both until something looks a little more concrete. Good luck!
Author pharmrox123 Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 Yes, I'm 24 and my bf is 26 and the med student is 25. I really don't know who to choose...
edinsvet Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Do you think you should you shut off the "perfect husband" future doctor mate for a guy who won't say he loves you?
Author pharmrox123 Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 no, my "boyfriend" told me he loves me on NYE and I responded back with an "OK..." cuz I don't know if I love him or not. i
Trialbyfire Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 pharmrox, I'm not getting any strong emotions from you, about either guy. Don't swing from branch to branch. Break it off with your existing b/f if things aren't going to work, before you get more involved with the second guy. Don't you think it's pretty cruel to cheat on your first b/f and then conceal him from the second guy? Imagine the shoe on the other foot. How would you honestly feel if someone you just blurted "I love you" to, ends up to be a cheater?
edinsvet Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 OK so he said I love you talk is cheap. are his actions saying the same thing?
Author pharmrox123 Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 pharmrox, I'm not getting any strong emotions from you, about either guy. Don't swing from branch to branch. Break it off with your existing b/f if things aren't going to work, before you get more involved with the second guy. Don't you think it's pretty cruel to cheat on your first b/f and then conceal him from the second guy? Imagine the shoe on the other foot. How would you honestly feel if someone you just blurted "I love you" to, ends up to be a cheater? Well.. i didn't really go into much detail on both guys on my first post. I don't think I'm cheating. I've just been talking to this other guy- on the phone or online. Completely harmless. I am not the type who would go around cheating on my boyfriend. I understand completely where you are coming from I just do NOT know how to even start talking ot my boyfriend about the situation. he's already booked tickets to go to San Fran (we live in the midwest) for the weekend. Do I tell him before or after?!? I don't want to play with his emotions.. he means too much to me-- he is my best friend as well! OK so he said I love you talk is cheap. are his actions saying the same thing? Well, he did plan this vacation getaway.. i know he cares about me alot. I think the religion is the biggest hurdle I cant seem to look past. :\
Trialbyfire Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 How do you know the second guy is interested and why wouldn't you tell him you're already previously involved? Do you understand how far you've already gone, to even consider the second guy, while concealing each guy from the other? How would you feel if it happened to you? Would you be okay with your b/f doing it to you?
You'reasian Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 no, my "boyfriend" told me he loves me on NYE and I responded back with an "OK..." cuz I don't know if I love him or not. i Sounds like you should figure out what you want first, right?
hotdancer2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Haha your situation is exactly like mine, check out my post!
BobSacamento Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Been going out 4 weeks and you already agreed to a trip. That was your first mistake. You obviously don't want to move too fast and your about to go into hyper drive. Tell him you'll go but you want separate rooms LOL
Author pharmrox123 Posted January 7, 2009 Author Posted January 7, 2009 Been going out 4 weeks and you already agreed to a trip. That was your first mistake. You obviously don't want to move too fast and your about to go into hyper drive. Tell him you'll go but you want separate rooms LOL I failed to mention, we've been dating for 4 months.. (this past 5 weeks we have been off for holiday break)
d0ll Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 I think if you're already having doubts about your current boyfriend it would be best to end it now before his feelings for you become deeper & he really gets hurt .. then i'd recommend taking some time for yourself to figure out what you really want don't just jump to the first good looking doctor that comes along
Author pharmrox123 Posted January 7, 2009 Author Posted January 7, 2009 I think if you're already having doubts about your current boyfriend it would be best to end it now before his feelings for you become deeper & he really gets hurt .. then i'd recommend taking some time for yourself to figure out what you really want don't just jump to the first good looking doctor that comes along Thanks for all the input and advice.. it really has opened my ideas on what i SHOULD be doing... but just when I THOUGHT i had everything figured out... Yesterday, while i was talking to my "boyfriend" about the situation (basically indirectly telling him about how religion is really important to me, etc) he decided that he is willing to learn more about my religion and come to church with me. what do I do now?? Is it worth giving a try?? Since I've been home for the holidays, it's made me think a lot about life and I feel I've come to the age where I don't want to date but to meet THAT someone who is compatible with me. I thought at first the distance btwn my boyfriend and I would be soo painful to bear (5 weeks) but now it isn't bothering me as much. does that mean I'm having less feelings for him? I know when I do see him in class next week, my feelings will come back. Are those feelings real? Or just feelings of dependency? I'm obviously not going to get involved with the other guy, I really want to be just friends with him first but I don't know if I should tell my "boyfriend" about him. A part of me wants to end things with my "boyfriend" but I know he will just assume I'm breaking up with him for this other guy and that's clearly not the case. I don't even know when would be the RIGHT time to tell him. As soon as I come back, he already had booked tickets to go to the west coast for a 3 day weekend. I don't want to hurt his feelings (he is like my best friend!) but I think at this point I need to do what I want right? I know it's going to be awkward between us especially during school. And THAT's worrying me the most. I can't stand seeing people hurt (I consider myself a really nice and caring person). I have a week left at home before I go back and decided to just not talk to either guys until I've figured out what to do. My emotions tend to get in the way when I talk to either of them. Any advice??? Thanks for reading all of this. it really means a lot to me
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