forte Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 She broke up with me the day after x-mas while we were doing the LDR thing and she just got back in town this past Saturday and the anxiety knowing she was just minutes away was out of f'n control... so, of course, i emailed her saying 'welcome back'. Yes.. I know, I'm stupid... I'm hurting again... so please try to be nice She replies back this morning saying it it was good to hear from me, blah blah blah. And then I commit the cardinal sin of saying I didn't want to give up and we should try once more but if she decides against it, I will respect her decision. She replies back saying she already thought about it and won't change her mind. So I reply back saying that it's no problem and she shouldn't feel guilty. She meant a lot to me and I wanted to make sure I did everything possible to avoid any possible future regrets but "either way, I totally agree this is the best decision for the both of us. Good luck in school:)" Obviously I f'd up bad but I tried to recover by making it seem like her decision didn't really bother me... And yes, I'm going total NC now.. lesson learned... the hard way of course. thoughts?
samspade Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Don't beat yourself up over it. Live and learn. Never give anyone that kind of power over you again. It may seem like a "ball's in her court" thing at the time, but think about it....you are completely supplicating yourself to someone else. If she wanted to, she could have said okay, had sex with you, strung you along, toyed with you, and dumped you again. Be thankful she was good enough not to. Not to belabor the point, but silence is the best recourse. You retain your dignity by being quiet. Like I said, live and learn - we've all been there. Good luck.
Ratherunique Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Don't feel bad, I just had a relapse myself....I pretty much let her know that I would be willing to give it a 2nd chance. Let's go back NC
Trialbyfire Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Nope, I think you did the right thing, although the last bit of niceties...well...unless you sincerely feel that way, I would avoid saying things that you don't believe. Now you know for certain that it's over and can focus your energies on remaining NC. I'm an advocate on breaking NC at least once, so you get a good dose of harsh reality. You'll find that people who don't, take longer to get over their exes AND seem a lot more bitter and cynical. They've stayed too much in their own heads, creating scenarios and untruths, where their exes take on demonic or angelic forms.
samspade Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Now you know for certain that it's over and can focus your energies on remaining NC. He already knew that it was over when she broke up with him. I'm an advocate on breaking NC at least once, so you get a good dose of harsh reality. This is masochism, and a huge waste of time. When someone leaves you, that IS reality. Some people refuse to accept it and beg and plead until they finally go through enough pain to stop. Walking away may still be painful, but a lot less so, and it's much more dignified. You'll find that people who don't, take longer to get over their exes AND seem a lot more bitter and cynical. I don't know how you know this to be statistically true, but I'm willing to bet the opposite is true. You will get over a breakup much quicker if you avoid your ex. Accepting the reality that they don't want to date you any more (hence the break-up) makes you a realist, not a cynic. Breaking NC with hopes of getting him/her "back" is delusional. Unfortunately, a lot of emotional people delude themselves, and when they have their hearts stomped after breaking NC, they lash out at the realists who try to help them by calling them "bitter and cynical."
dead-dyke Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Pride/ego messes people up...BAAAADDDDD! LOL! All right you two, lets not start a war.
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