smiiiley Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Okay so i just heard bad news about 2 people I knew that died...They werent close friends of mine but still...I knew them...For some reason this has made me feel so scared and guilty for being so depressed instead of getting out there and being happy...Life is short and we should be happy....I dont want to hurt anymore....please read and pleaseeeee i need some help desperately Lately I haven't left my house. Today I was thinking about all the bad things about life and I just feel so scared all of a sudden...like I'm so alone...I think about illnesses and other really bad things and I feel scared of life's obstacles...but the weirdest and most annoying thing is that I think "he wouldnt be here if anything terrible was to ever happen to me"...I feel so crazy and weird thinking this...It's like all of a sudden I'm scared of everything...I feel like I'm going out of my mind..like I want to be happy and appreciate life because things could be so much worse...yet my heart aches over a guy? I mean I think about it logically and okay yes i loved him and now he's gone..but I should be able to live my life and be HAPPY...I feel sooo mad at myself for wasting all this time being sad and depressed when life is short....My friends decided to come over my house and have an "intervention"...I found it really sweet, (2 of my best friends) they said they are not letting me shut them out anymore and that I have been at home for way too long and depressed...and it is hurting everybody because they really care about me...and now they said its their "mission" to get me out the house everyday...They said you cant keep avoiding things, now your living without him..... They told me my mom has been hurt to see me like this and so is everybody else....And that its been 5 long months of me suffering, it isnt fair....I hear them but why I cant control this? Why do i love him soo much? I think of the worst possible thing that could happen to me and my main concern is "he wouldnt be there, he wouldnt care"...Why have I become this depressed/unmotivated/afraid girl who cant even smile? It's like I step out of my body and I look at myself and feel soo hurt for seeing me like this....but I feel like there is this HUGE FORCE that keeps bringing me down.......And now I feel sooo hopeless and hearing about my friends car accident has really messed me up.... I want to be happy with all my heart...I want to be the best I can be and I dont want to be this girl anymore....I dont want to be broken over him anymore......I dont want to be stuck in my mind with all this negative thoughts and I want things to only go upwards from here....I dont want any more bad news, I cannot handle it.....I feel like I'm losing my mind!!!!! Help me please
openbook08 Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 you are a good, whole, worthwhile person. you are ok, youre more than ok, youre great. your self esteem has been dealt a major blow and all these thoughts are racing through your mind now, but they are just symptoms of the stress you are going through. there is no need to make these thoughts your centre of attention. you are so much more than this hurt you are currently suffering - remember that. healing will involve many ups and downs, progressions and recessions. accept this and know whether youre feelin better or worse the healing process is underway. it sounds like youve got a great bunch of friends who really love you, let them help you, its ok to be taken care of for a while. your mom obviously cares and loves for you a great deal, shes there for you, if you tell her youre in pain she will help. stop isolating yourself from life. you need to surround yourself with things that are alive...maybe get a bowl of goldfish? i did this! love the little divas!if youve the means & time maybe a puppy or kitten? be gentle with yourself, accept you have emotional hurt , its debilitating and it will take a while before you are completely well. treat yourself how youd treat a friend in the same situation. youve gotta love yourself again. affirm yourself, make firm positive thoughts about your life - i am alive - i am healing - i am stronger - my heart is mending - i have so much to be grateful for. start laughing again!! rent a few comedies, talk to people who make you laugh, spend time with younger relatives if possible. ask your friends to tell you some funny stories from the few weeks when maybe you werent in their company socialising! much of what youre worrying about will not come to pass. live for now, be open, new people, places, ideas, experiences! redecorate, buy new clothes, take a class or new hobby. something for you. enjoy your freedom! you can choose the world around you, wallow in it or revel in it!alone does not have to mean lonely. your happiness is up to you. stop waiting. it may help to speak to someone professionally, ive done it myself and found it hugely beneficial! come on, prove those thoughts wrong. you are stronger than you think.
Recommended Posts