SF2K4 Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Ok, so this will be a little long winded... here goes: I met my ex 2 years ago. I was 19 and she was 23. We started out as good friends, then great friends, then we had a few physical moments. Then we just started hanging out all the time and it just blossomed into a great relationship. However, I'd never been in a serious relationship before and... well, I won't sugar coat any of it. I took her for granted, didn't appreciate her the way she deserved, and she lost her trust in me. Because I'd never been in a serious relationship before the commitment was hard for me... and she got fed up with waiting. But she loved me passionately, loved me deeply... and now I know that, the entire time, I did too... I just didn't know how to show it. I remember telling myself she's the perfect woman for me... she's beautiful, smart, funny, independent, we like a lot of the same things... I really can see us as together forever. Cut to this year's Christmas break. She knows I've come around but she says we should still take a break to assess the situation. Ok. Well, turns out while I had my head in my butt she'd been talking to a friend of mine, another guy. He's a nice guy, but... well, more on that later. Anyway, she said she wasn't giving up on me. Well, the "break" didn't work well... we hung out a couple times (Christmas shopping, my birthday) and on all occasions we got physical... hand holding, cuddling, kissing, some more serious things but no sex. But I kept bringing up the relationship all the time... and I'm sure that pushed her away. She kept saying she saw herself with me in the future, that our history together gave me the advantage... Cut to a couple days ago, the break up. Remember I never gave her the "break" from talking about the relationship (and if that's what ruined all of this... I just can't stomach that...)... well, she told me that I never gave it to her and she was going to date this other guy. Well I broke down, cried, begged to get her back... she said she still couldn't trust me yet because, well, I hadn't had time or the break to show her I could. They made it "official" two days ago. Cut to yesterday... I was still emotional but I'd read some things and talked to some friends and I decided to do the hardest thing I think I've ever done... I called her up and I told her I was sorry, sincerely sorry, for all that I'd done to her. I told her that I understood why we split up and I respect her decision. Then I told her I needed a break from her as well and asked her not to contact me. To which she said, "I'm not mad at you. I did what I thought was best for everyone. The break will help the healing process. Just call me when you're ready." I hung up and burst into tears because, well, you can imagine how that sounds to me. So it's been one day since I initiated no contact and it's destroying me inside... I've started running and eating better to get my mind off of her but it's still hard... Now, about the guy... what I'm about to say you can say I'm totally just biased but hear me out, please. He is a good guy, a nice guy. But he's not the kind of guy she likes... let me explain. He's a very military precision guy, the dates are all planned to the minute. He's not very PDA or expressive about his love for someone in public. She, however, is very random and spontaneous. We used to plan dates or outings where I'd just pick her up and we'd do whatever we felt like for hours. And she loves PDA. She loves holding hands, cuddling, kissing, having the love for her shouted from the rooftops... and I wish I'd done the latter sooner. I view their relationship as "safe"... she got hurt in her last relationship as did he (both for the same reason) and their relationship is one where he won't hurt her and she knows that... it's safe. Does safe last? I bring that up to say this... remember, it was only a couple days ago (before she told me they were really going to give dating a try) that we'd held hands and cuddled while we were at the mall. He'd also been physical with his ex and even had been talking about asking her out on a date a few days before they got together... I guess those could be moments of weakness but... I just want to think that means deep down she's still in love with me, that the passion is just there if I can show her I've changed. He even told his ex that he didn't see himself marrying her. Now I say all this because... what do you all think? I'm hurting now, even more with no contact in place and, since I'm waiting for her to make contact again, I'm feeling like she never will... it's a hard place to be in. I just... I want this girl back so much... I can't bear thinking I ruined all of this and now I have to live thru more pain because I do love her as much as she loved... loves me. Just... help me guys, please... I want her back.
saturnfell Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Hi, No, safe doesn't last. Safe is, well, safe. Typically when someone's "safe" the person who's leaning on them won't be happy. Maybe for a short while, but not in the long run. So, she wanted a break from what? Talking? I think you answered your own question, she needs time. If you can't talk to her right now, take a few days for yourself. The only medicine for this, is time.
Author SF2K4 Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 Hi, No, safe doesn't last. Safe is, well, safe. Typically when someone's "safe" the person who's leaning on them won't be happy. Maybe for a short while, but not in the long run. So, she wanted a break from what? Talking? I think you answered your own question, she needs time. If you can't talk to her right now, take a few days for yourself. The only medicine for this, is time. The thing is... I can't take a break. We were best friends before we got romantically involved and actually spending time with her, even if I want more, feels better than none at all. In the long run I guess I really would rather be best friends with her than not with her at all. I broke NC and had a long talk with her today. And her mother, actually. She loved me very, very, very much... and those feelings won't just go away (according to her mom). She still loves me and she only likes this guy... I still have the history we have together and how much we do care about eachother, me just more than her at the moment. She said she needs time to heal from the bad parts of our past but I asked if she could do that with me around and she said most definitely... that not having me around at all would also kill her. I know that sounds totally against all the rules but I don't care. I could never not have this woman in my life. I'm going to throw caution to the wind, tempt fate, return to being best friends, fix my problems, and hope that, as she notices, comes back to me.
saturnfell Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 If you're willing to do that, you're very strong and I wish you the best of luck. I know you mentioned she needs time to heal, but what does she say after having time?
Author SF2K4 Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 If you're willing to do that, you're very strong and I wish you the best of luck. I know you mentioned she needs time to heal, but what does she say after having time? She says she just needs time to see me change, to see me actually become this better man that I say I will become, that I want to be, that she wants me to be, to really know that I won't do the things I used to. But like I said, we were seriously best friends before this... after only 2 years... the only friend I have better than that I've known for 19 YEARS... there's a strong bond between the two of us. And I'm going to work on myself... and become a better man... and she's going to see it... and the best I can do is hope that, when that time comes, she'll realize it and it will rekindle our old feelings for eachother... or rather, get her's to come back out and join mine. You never know what's going to happen but I don't see them as together forever... but I really do see us as that. I asked her in the talk if she still loved me... and she said yes. I know shes does because we were such great friends... I know that doesn't necessarily mean lovers. I asked if she missed me because, obviously, we hadn't been hanging together like we used to... and she said yes, she did. She told me that, yes, she likes this new guy but she loves me. She cares about me a lot and I care about her a lot. We also have such a history together, I know so much about her, we've shared so many experiences together and he hasn't. She just can't see anything with me until she can forgive and forget what happened between us... and honestly, that's understandable. Only time can heal some wounds. But in the mean time we can spend time together, laugh and talk like we used to (not totally but enough to make us happier), and during that time she can be healing and seeing me change into the newer, better me. And like I said, I just can't see them as together forever... maybe it's hope, but I'm OK with that. All I can hope for is that when she sees me change and the crap is wiped off all those feelings for me that were buried will come out again. Wish me luck.
saturnfell Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 You have all the luck I can possibly give a person. You are determined, that's wonderful. Be careful and I hope the best for you. Time heals, that I'm sure of.
Author SF2K4 Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 Also, I feel like... like while I'm improving myself and she's healing... since we'll finally be spending more time together, more time together where I'm not a wreck, I can be myself around her again and show her why she fell in love with me in the first place...
Author SF2K4 Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 You have all the luck I can possibly give a person. You are determined, that's wonderful. Be careful and I hope the best for you. Time heals, that I'm sure of. Thank you... it means a lot. It just feels so right, the two of us... I just don't give up on things I care about easily... actually, I don't give up on things I care about.
saturnfell Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 You're lucky you get all that time with her during this process.
Author SF2K4 Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 You're lucky you get all that time with her during this process. I just have to hope... and this sounds wrong and I know it does... I want her to be happy no matter what... but I have to hope that their relationship isn't together forever... I hope it's good and makes her happy and is a good healing time for both of them... but I have to hope her love for me will outweigh that in the end.
saturnfell Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I just have to hope... and this sounds wrong and I know it does... I want her to be happy no matter what... but I have to hope that their relationship isn't together forever... I hope it's good and makes her happy and is a good healing time for both of them... but I have to hope her love for me will outweigh that in the end. Ok, you are a very positive person. If anything gets you through, it will be your positive attitude. Don't lose sight of that.
Author SF2K4 Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 Ok, you are a very positive person. If anything gets you through, it will be your positive attitude. Don't lose sight of that. I'm glad someone on here does support getting an ex back. And yes, I'll stay positive. Seeing the glass half full is the only way to get through life and be happy if you ask me.
saturnfell Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Read my posts and you'll know why I support you.
Recommended Posts