babybinks Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 she makes me sick to my stomach. i found out about her when i caught a text message or two of her inviting him to her bar. he pretended not to know who he was getting these texts from. the ex who has been an ex for six years now started calling my bf when we started going out three years ago. they had a bad break up and she wanted closure. i tried to be understanding and let them talk. i've even heard a phone message of her crying about how she thought she would be the one at his sisters wedding instead of me. she started sending emails and messages about their first date together... she signed her messages with love and her pet name he gave her... she would ask him if he remembered this or that... and they continued to talk behind my back every month for three years and each time i would ask him to please respect me and not lead her on. since then, every time we would get in a fight, he would indulge her by answering when she would call. the last time we fought, i went home, and the very next day, he was going to take some pies over to her for thanksgiving. the last time we talked, he said that "sometimes i feel anything is better than this". is this not the biggest "F U"?? i feel like they used me to get back together. he wants me to stay... i don't see this relationship being fruitful or fair to me. can anyone help me see the positive in this?? he confessed that the last time he talked to his ex it was to help me with a situation i was having with a mutual friend of mine and the ex. he claims to have talked to her to get information on my friend to help me out. he also asked a past romantic interest of his to be his UBOC rep. out of thousands of bankers, why does he have to pick someone he used to be interested in? i'm so frustrated. he won't let me go. he wants me to be okay with what he's doing. does anyone think i should put up with this?
jwi71 Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 . he won't let me go. Then let him go he wants me to be okay with what he's doing. does anyone think i should put up with this? Do YOU think you should put with this? Doesn't matter what I think since YOU have to live it. I personally wouldn't tolerate it. Red flags with his behavior and his attitude towards you. Stand up for yourself, your wants, your desires and your feelings. But if you love him more than the suffering you are currently experiencing - then stay. Your life. You choose.
Author babybinks Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 that's the thing... i have had stomach problems... i lose my appetite, sleep, and i tend to drink a lot more when we run into these issues with him and his tendency to be an attention whore.
jwi71 Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 ITs your R and your life. It obviously bothers you that your bf is spending waaaaay to much time with the ex. And you rightly feel threatened by it. I wouldn't live with it and I wouldn't tolerate it. Why do you think your bf hasn't stopped talking to his ex even after he knows how it affects you?
Author babybinks Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 he has called her to make me upset more than once. i am sick to my stomach thinking that he is emotionally intimate with his ex and that he cannot help himself. he knows how upset it makes me to think of him running to her everytime we fight... yet he said that sometimes "anything is better than this". perhaps this love is not deep enough for me to thrive.
Author babybinks Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 is there anything i can do? to make her stop calling? or make him understand these childish games are destroying our relationship and my trust? i feel at such a loss.
Author babybinks Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 ya know what? i can't bring myself to get back at him. but i can start packing my stuff and moving out when he goes to cabo this weekend with his sister, husband, and brother in law. we're not getting married... he's unemployed... his mom pays for everything... and he's going on a trip with his sibling... he's 30... and i'm not going. i'm working. i am bothered by this. shouldn't i be?
You'reasian Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 OK, you're obviously upset about your ex. Stop. Take a deep breath. Get control of yourself. If you want this man to be a part of your life, go win him back. If not, let him go. Simple enough?
Author babybinks Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 isn't that funny? he's not my ex. he wants me to stay. he says it's no big deal. so the next time we fight i can assume he's going over to her house?
jwi71 Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Babybinks, My gut says dump him. He knows how it affects you and does it anyway. Additionally, not only does he hurt YOU he remains in uncomfortably close contact with the ex, who seemingly is receptive to it. Its a cruel ploy in my eyes - he has his weapon and he wields it often. Lets face it babybinks, he's 30 unemployed and in a go nowhere life. Is THAT what you want? I mean, he is simply looking for more handouts and someone to care for him. That's no man, that's a 30 year child. Walk...find a better man who has his life in order. Let his ex have this unemployed mama's boy.
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