pushforward Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I'm 2 months NC, not to get her back, but to get me back. I don't have any urges to contact her anymore. In fact, I don't want her back. She cheated and hurt me in the most selfish way. I don't want any type of contact with her, so I blocked her completely in every way possible. It's a relief that she cannot hurt me or have access to me at will. However my pain has been going up. I know I'm dealing with it head on, but sometimes it gets really unbearable. It's the only thing on my mind and I can't function properly. I have to nap it off, or go to the gym and come back to sleep. I can't vent to anybody and get advice because the people I do talk to think I should be over this by now. I'm really debating if I should take meds, I'm not suicidal, but the pain is driving me nuts. I can't sleep or eat properly sometimes. I have to force myself or rely on sleeping aids. I wake up with cold sweats or tears in my eyes. It's like I'm hurting even in my sleep. It seems to me, that my very core characteristics are tied in with pain. I cannot get rid of it. I don't know what it's like not to be in pain. I'm just hurting so bad and I want it to stop. I don't know what direction to take or avenues to pursue. I go to therapy once every 3 - 4 weeks. I think I might ask for some type of mild anti-depressant. I need help. I don't want to go on the meds though... I've been trying really hard to live through the pain, but it's still there. I don't want to give up hope or break. I want to be over this and move on. I want to be just okay and not live in pain anymore. Tired of this. It's getting to the point where I wake up and debate if I want to call into work and sleep in the whole day. I actually have a valid reason now, I'm actually getting sick. Dealing with a heartbreak and getting sick. =/ Not only am I emotionally drained, I'm physically drained now too.
againstallodds Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Just hang in there man, my breakup was hard too. I went through what you went through but the pain lessen each month. If you can do without med then I suggest don't do it. I didn't. Try to go out as much as you can. Hang out and do things that you like to do. I know it's hard to do anything because you keep thinking about her but do a bit at a time. Five month of NC for me now and I can say that I am on the road to recovery. I still think about her and all the good memories and bad but I don't act on them anymore and the urge to check her msg on yahoo is gone. What doesn't kill you will make you stronger. Hang in there my friend.
Author pushforward Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 Just hang in there man, my breakup was hard too. I went through what you went through but the pain lessen each month. If you can do without med then I suggest don't do it. I didn't. Try to go out as much as you can. Hang out and do things that you like to do. I know it's hard to do anything because you keep thinking about her but do a bit at a time. Five month of NC for me now and I can say that I am on the road to recovery. I still think about her and all the good memories and bad but I don't act on them anymore and the urge to check her msg on yahoo is gone. What doesn't kill you will make you stronger. Hang in there my friend. Thanks, I will not go on meds. I will give it more time and see where it goes from there. I just don't know what to do with the pain. Nothing helps. I'm at a point in my life where I feel lost and stuck, probably because I am. I'm trying really hard to survive and make it through this, but sometimes I lose hope. This healing process is a long and tedious one. I just want to feel okay and be okay, although I am okay with my current situation, I'm just a mess on the inside.
Surfer Dude Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I totally understand how you feel man. Even though it's been 4 months since my breakup, I cried today. Yes, I cried. Realizing the fact that my love is gone forever, hit me like a train and I barely managed to get out of bed. I don't really want any contact with her, unless it's her official apology for the pain and grief she caused me. I still feel that I love her. It's difficult to get rid of that feeling. We're on the road to recovery. Today I also thought about taking meds. But I ditched that idea. I watch tons of funny TV shows, play online games a lot and that somehow helps me. I guess going out with people would help me even more, but I have no one. Pushforward, do you know why we feel the way we feel? Because we are great men with big and loving hearts, who really loved their ladies. We have lots of things to be proud of. We were there for them, wanted to make them happy till the end of our lives, and yet they stabbed us in the heart and betrayed us. It's funny how life works. There are so many kind and amazing women out there who are single and lonely / or with bastards, and yet we never seem to be able to find them. Why do good men always end up with whores and vice versa? Why is it so difficult for those good men and women to meet up somehow? Keep strong, you'll make it. It's just a matter of time. I hope you manage somehow. If you need to talk, send me a PM.
againstallodds Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 If you can, I suggest take a vacation somewhere for a month. That was what I did. I went to China so I was half way around the world and I can shut her off for that time and have fun. If you can travel somewhere far you kind of force yourself to let go because you won't get back for a month. You'll think differently. I was in so much pain the first month and I thought to myself, hell will this ever go away. I am sure you feel the same. There's an old saying "nothing last forever" and it's true. Your pain will eventually go away. How fast you are healing depend on how you deal with it. I listened to all the advices offered on LS and it worked pretty well for me i.e workout, keep busy, go out with friend, meet girls and talk not necessarily date them. You don't have to do all of these at once but try a bit at a time. Do one thing at a time.
Author pushforward Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 I totally understand how you feel man. Even though it's been 4 months since my breakup, I cried today. Yes, I cried. Realizing the fact that my love is gone forever, hit me like a train and I barely managed to get out of bed. I don't really want any contact with her, unless it's her official apology for the pain and grief she caused me. I still feel that I love her. It's difficult to get rid of that feeling. We're on the road to recovery. Today I also thought about taking meds. But I ditched that idea. I watch tons of funny TV shows, play online games a lot and that somehow helps me. I guess going out with people would help me even more, but I have no one. Pushforward, do you know why we feel the way we feel? Because we are great men with big and loving hearts, who really loved their ladies. We have lots of things to be proud of. We were there for them, wanted to make them happy till the end of our lives, and yet they stabbed us in the heart and betrayed us. It's funny how life works. There are so many kind and amazing women out there who are single and lonely / or with bastards, and yet we never seem to be able to find them. Why do good men always end up with whores and vice versa? Why is it so difficult for those good men and women to meet up somehow? Keep strong, you'll make it. It's just a matter of time. I hope you manage somehow. If you need to talk, send me a PM. Yeah, breakups suck, especially if you committed yourself to it and was thinking about it in the long run. Having to pick up the pieces and making a new life without somebody you believed would be there forever. If you can, I suggest take a vacation somewhere for a month. That was what I did. I went to China so I was half way around the world and I can shut her off for that time and have fun. If you can travel somewhere far you kind of force yourself to let go because you won't get back for a month. You'll think differently. I was in so much pain the first month and I thought to myself, hell will this ever go away. I am sure you feel the same. There's an old saying "nothing last forever" and it's true. Your pain will eventually go away. How fast you are healing depend on how you deal with it. I listened to all the advices offered on LS and it worked pretty well for me i.e workout, keep busy, go out with friend, meet girls and talk not necessarily date them. You don't have to do all of these at once but try a bit at a time. Do one thing at a time. Unfortunately, I don't have the funds or could get enough days off of work to do a month. I am doing things like going to the gym religiously or going out socially. I'm just really tired of being broken down on the inside. I don't know what to do with these feelings of her. Other than acknowledge them and put them away or let them fade. I just hurt really bad sometimes and I go nuts. If I don't post, I feel irrationality will take over me and I will do something stupid. Writing allows me to vent and regain some type of sanity, if I have any left.
RogueAC Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I'm just really tired of being broken down on the inside. I don't know what to do with these feelings of her. Other than acknowledge them and put them away or let them fade. I just hurt really bad sometimes and I go nuts. If I don't post, I feel irrationality will take over me and I will do something stupid. Writing allows me to vent and regain some type of sanity, if I have any left. Pushforward, this is how it goes sometimes. I know how much it hurts too. But you are doing the right thing, as so many others have said, by acknowledging the feelings and letting them go. After my most recent break up, all doings (i.e. working out, going out, busy with a project, etc.) didn’t work as well as they had in the past. The “inside” part that you described, for me, still hurts, so I’ve had to do a lot more self work this time around. It is really difficult. It will get better for you and we’re here for you as you figure it out.
EmperorR Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I know all to well what your feeling I still think About my ex, but it's more like damn I can't believe after all I did she cheated and dumped me and hopped into another guys arm a Week later. Like wow I was suppose to marry this girl this year slaps myself. But I can't believe it every day I care less and less I have no anger anymore, maybe because I found this amazing girl and she's taking over my thoughts and heart a little at a time.
Author pushforward Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 Pushforward, this is how it goes sometimes. I know how much it hurts too. But you are doing the right thing, as so many others have said, by acknowledging the feelings and letting them go. After my most recent break up, all doings (i.e. working out, going out, busy with a project, etc.) didn’t work as well as they had in the past. The “inside” part that you described, for me, still hurts, so I’ve had to do a lot more self work this time around. It is really difficult. It will get better for you and we’re here for you as you figure it out. I've been doing all kinds of self work, seems like nothing is working. =/ I don't know what's wrong anymore. Just living in pain and trying to help myself out. I know all to well what your feeling I still think About my ex, but it's more like damn I can't believe after all I did she cheated and dumped me and hopped into another guys arm a Week later. Like wow I was suppose to marry this girl this year slaps myself. But I can't believe it every day I care less and less I have no anger anymore, maybe because I found this amazing girl and she's taking over my thoughts and heart a little at a time. That's good. I'm just trying to tough it out. Not necessarily waiting for somebody to take my pain away, but trying to figure out how to heal myself and not need anybody.
darnay Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I totally understand how you feel man. Even though it's been 4 months since my breakup, I cried today. Yes, I cried. Realizing the fact that my love is gone forever, hit me like a train and I barely managed to get out of bed. I don't really want any contact with her, unless it's her official apology for the pain and grief she caused me. I still feel that I love her. It's difficult to get rid of that feeling. We're on the road to recovery. Today I also thought about taking meds. But I ditched that idea. I watch tons of funny TV shows, play online games a lot and that somehow helps me. I guess going out with people would help me even more, but I have no one. Pushforward, do you know why we feel the way we feel? Because we are great men with big and loving hearts, who really loved their ladies. We have lots of things to be proud of. We were there for them, wanted to make them happy till the end of our lives, and yet they stabbed us in the heart and betrayed us. It's funny how life works. There are so many kind and amazing women out there who are single and lonely / or with bastards, and yet we never seem to be able to find them. Why do good men always end up with whores and vice versa? Why is it so difficult for those good men and women to meet up somehow? Keep strong, you'll make it. It's just a matter of time. I hope you manage somehow. If you need to talk, send me a PM. Surfer Dude, I had some messages over the Christmas period from my ex that really knocked me off balance. Had a Christmas card from him saying that he hoped one day i'd be able to find it in my heart to forgive him. I almost replied but then thought about it and realised it was just him being selfish and feeling guilty, not really caring about my feelings.. I never contacted him and after 4 months I probably wont ever again. It hurts and i miss him, and i cry some days, but i know i'm better without him.
Surfer Dude Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Surfer Dude, I had some messages over the Christmas period from my ex that really knocked me off balance. Had a Christmas card from him saying that he hoped one day i'd be able to find it in my heart to forgive him. I almost replied but then thought about it and realised it was just him being selfish and feeling guilty, not really caring about my feelings.. I never contacted him and after 4 months I probably wont ever again. It hurts and i miss him, and i cry some days, but i know i'm better without him. I wanted to change my phone number and email address two days ago, but I couldn't find the strength to do that. Even though we don't really talk, I have this subconscious expectation and desire that she would contact me with apology someday. I'm scared that if I change every piece of contact information, that she would really be gone this time and that even if she wanted to ever apologize, she wouldn't be able to do so. We life in different countries and there would just be no way for us to ever communicate again. As much as I hate NC being broken, I'm really scared of the idea that she might be gone forever this time, if I close all channels for communication between us. I'll never know how she feels, if she has any regrets, if she is sorry etc. Any advice would be deeply appreciated. (Pushforward, sorry for threadjacking.)
darnay Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I'm afraid she has already gone forever SurferDude, and the sooner you are able to accept that the better. It is hard, I found it almost impossible to go NC at first, but the alternative was even more painful when I heard from him. I simply HAD to change my phone number cus I didnt trust myself and I knew he would persist with messages. He dumped me once before and begged me to take him back, and I did, he won't be able to do the same thing again. Sure he can contact me by mail and email, but I just read his messages and ignore them now. Yeah I am lonely, Yeah I cry, but not for him anymore, for myself, and i'm working on that.
mm4184 Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 pushforward, i'm asking myself the same thing about meds. i think i've thought about this over and over so much that i'm obsessed in a way that it won't get out of my system. i'm too scared to go on meds, but i'm wondering if it might help? i also don't even want to go to work and whenever i can get the day off, i take it and then i end up trying to figure out what to do with myself all day. i go out several times a week with my friends and whenever they're free and i am we go to the mall or have lunch/dinner whatever.. but i feel like it's just a distraction. does it ever really help or is it just temporary distraction and when i come home, i end up thinking about it all over again. how do i stop that!? i feel so lost.. i just can't keep thinking that the one guy i always thought i would end up with, marry, have kids with.. isn't there anymore.. he's not the same guy anymore but when i saw him the last time, it tore me up into pieces because i can never wake up to that face.. to the comfort of him being there.. AHHHH this sucks
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