Frankasy Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I'm a guy and I always prefer older girls than me when I want to be in a relationship. Some are fine with it, some are not. Those who are not make up stupid excuses about wanting me to have finished school or to be more forward then them in life. I tell them that age really isn't a big deal and stuff like that. What do you you? Do you prefer an older or younger partner in a relationship? If you're the guy and you're younger, how do you answer when someone or even your own partner has this issue?
You'reasian Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Hi Frank, For me age doesn't matter, so long as its close enough to mine (I'm a gen-X-er) whose dated women in their late 30's and early-mid 20's. Rather than using age alone, I look at physical/mental/emotional compatability. Unfortunately, I'm stuck with the physique of a 23 year old male so she would have to be slightly energetic and be able to keep up with someone whose as active as a 23 year old male. Mentally, I like women whom are intelligent (a good balance of common sense, street smarts and academics). Emotionally and ideally, she's someone whose been looking for someone more in the long-term rather than just a FWB - she's got to have a good heart about her. I don't have too much of an issue with this - if she's slightly out of the age range, the only way to compensate for that is more time getting accquainted - so we can see that age isn't really an issue. If she's got an issue with it, it should be addressed and the two of us should be communicating about it and striving to come to some kind of resolution.
JoeNat Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I'm 25 and currently dating a 36 year old. We have been going strong now for 6 months and it is fine. I'm very mature for my age (have my own house, career, cars, etc...) and she is the same way. So my point is, so long you can connect emotionally and physically then I dont see a problem with it. On top of the fact that she does not look her age and is smokin hot . That helps too....
BCCA Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I think age means more in theory than in application. As I think right now, my ideal mate would be between 5 years younger than me and 2 years older, but if I met some incredible women who was 10 years older, I cant honestly say that age alone would be the deciding factor. I read an interesting article on online dating over the weekend, and it was saying that things like this are a reason some people dont have success. You get too hung up on things like age, do they smoke, do they have kids, etc that you dont even bother getting to know someone unless they fit in this little box of criteria you've set up. Honestly, you never know unless you give it a try. To me, its not a big deal unless it feels like a big deal when youre with that person.
Author Frankasy Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 I see. Hmmmmm well how about this? She says that she's not ready cause she wants to finish school, wants me to finish school. So how do I tell her that school won't really be a problem? Basically help me convince this girl that me being two years younger than her and us still being in high school is no problem. Give me some reasons. Oh also she said that she's only going to be in a relationship once and that's gonna be her future husband, basically not me or anyone else., what can I say or do to her to make her change? I really love this girl and she's the only reason I'm doing all of this just to be with her.
BCCA Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I see. Hmmmmm well how about this? She says that she's not ready cause she wants to finish school, wants me to finish school. So how do I tell her that school won't really be a problem? Basically help me convince this girl that me being two years younger than her and us still being in high school is no problem. Give me some reasons. Oh also she said that she's only going to be in a relationship once and that's gonna be her future husband, basically not me or anyone else., what can I say or do to her to make her change? I really love this girl and she's the only reason I'm doing all of this just to be with her. Dude, shes throwing up roadblocks. Bad sign. It sounds to me like shes just hiding behind the age thing so she doesnt have to come out and tell you that shes just not interested. Where there is a will, there is always a way. Once you see someone starting to point out obstacles and such, its generally because they arent interested in making it work. There is absolutely nothing you can possibly say or do to change her mind, and you need to understand that sooner than later. All you can do is make it worse, push her farther away. Just let it go, completely, and if its meant to be, youll find your way back to eachother. Honestly though, it doesnt sound like she into you. Sorry, I know it sucks.
Kamille Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Age differences no longer bother me. But in high school, I would have never even looked at a guy two years younger then me. I don't really know why. I guess when I was 18 I felt I had the whole world ahead of me and I was attracted to people who seemed to be part of that world. She's about to undergo a big transition as she finishes high school and moves on to college or the workforce and she probably doesn't want anything holding her back. I know it isn't fair to you. But I do understand her. - I also understand it takes nothing away from what a great guy you are. My advice? Let her go. Nothing you can do or say will change her mind and besides, letting her go is the mature thing to do. Tell her that even though it breaks your heart to let her go, you do understand. She'll eventually realize that 2 years isn't that much of an age difference. If you're still around then, good for her.
Author Frankasy Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 Well thanks for the kind words and for understanding guys. Well if it's not too much trouble for you since this is my first time I fall in love, how exactly should I tell her? Give me a short um emotional maybe speech so that i can understand, I mean it does suck but also seems very painful to let go of the motive of my life for the past 5 months.
Star Gazer Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 But in high school, I would have never even looked at a guy two years younger then me. I guess when I was 18 I felt I had the whole world ahead of me and I was attracted to people who seemed to be part of that world. She's about to undergo a big transition as she finishes high school and moves on to college or the workforce and she probably doesn't want anything holding her back. I know it isn't fair to you. But I do understand her. - I also understand it takes nothing away from what a great guy you are. My advice? Let her go. Nothing you can do or say will change her mind and besides, letting her go is the mature thing to do. Tell her that even though it breaks your heart to let her go, you do understand. She'll eventually realize that 2 years isn't that much of an age difference. If you're still around then, good for her. I echo everything Kamille has said. I also want to add that in high school, 2 years feels like a BIG difference... particularly to someone who's about to start college. She's looking forward - to where she will be (in college), and who she will be with there (with college guys).
JoeNat Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I think when your younger percantages really come into play. For example when your 10 years old 2 years is 20% of your life, However when your 50 it is only 4% of your life. I know those arent the correct ages but i think you get my point. It really is all about perception. Kamille hit it on the head. It will hurt for a little bit but you will get over it and understand as time goes on.
Author Frankasy Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 I think when your younger percantages really come into play. For example when your 10 years old 2 years is 20% of your life, However when your 50 it is only 4% of your life. I know those arent the correct ages but i think you get my point. It really is all about perception. Kamille hit it on the head. It will hurt for a little bit but you will get over it and understand as time goes on. Thanks. Ok like I said, I am going to tell her that it's gonna be hard to let her go but it's my only chance. Can any of you guys help me a bit for preparing the speech? Some good words would do.
dreamergrl Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Thanks. Ok like I said, I am going to tell her that it's gonna be hard to let her go but it's my only chance. Can any of you guys help me a bit for preparing the speech? Some good words would do. I wouldn't make a speech about it. Just move on. The more you make of it, the less chance you'd have (if she was considering it). I agree with Kamille and Star, in high school those few years seem so much more then just a few years. As we grow older, and have established ourselves, it becomes easier to branch off more in age. It took me till just a few years ago to consider a guy in his 30's (and I'm 27 now).
Author Frankasy Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 I wouldn't make a speech about it. Just move on. The more you make of it, the less chance you'd have (if she was considering it). I agree with Kamille and Star, in high school those few years seem so much more then just a few years. As we grow older, and have established ourselves, it becomes easier to branch off more in age. It took me till just a few years ago to consider a guy in his 30's (and I'm 27 now). No I understand, it still hurt but I understand. I was thinking about telling her that I wanted to say goodbye to her in some sort of way. I mean so far I've followed the no contact road but I really don't want it to end like this. It's kinda like a concession speech. So what should I tell her?
dreamergrl Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 No I understand, it still hurt but I understand. I was thinking about telling her that I wanted to say goodbye to her in some sort of way. I mean so far I've followed the no contact road but I really don't want it to end like this. It's kinda like a concession speech. So what should I tell her? Maybe if misread, I was under the impression that there was no relationship, and you were just trying to pursue her. If this is the case, there's nothing to end because there isn't anything there on her part.
Author Frankasy Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 Maybe if misread, I was under the impression that there was no relationship, and you were just trying to pursue her. If this is the case, there's nothing to end because there isn't anything there on her part. I mean no contact but at least end everything we had in a good way. I don't stay friends with girls I've been with or who I've gone after, I loved her but still love can't be turned into friendship. I just want to tell her that it would be better not to talk to each other anymore etc etc but in a nice way. Please give me some ideas.
dreamergrl Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I mean no contact but at least end everything we had in a good way. I don't stay friends with girls I've been with or who I've gone after, I loved her but still love can't be turned into friendship. I just want to tell her that it would be better not to talk to each other anymore etc etc but in a nice way. Please give me some ideas. Again, was this a relationship, or were you just pursuing her?? If all you were doing is pursuing her, you're going to come across as needy by continuing any more contact. If she said no to you, there's No Point. Nothing you say is going to make a difference. Did you ask her out, and she said she just wants to be friends? Where you with her, and she dumped you?
Author Frankasy Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 Again, was this a relationship, or were you just pursuing her?? If all you were doing is pursuing her, you're going to come across as needy by continuing any more contact. If she said no to you, there's No Point. Nothing you say is going to make a difference. Did you ask her out, and she said she just wants to be friends? Where you with her, and she dumped you? Alright I understand. Thanks for your help.
Recommended Posts