How do people know if they're nice looking or not?

[Ross PK]

It seems everyone, or at least a lot of people know whether they're nice looking or not.

 

I'm thinking is it because of the attractiveness of people they've dated, had relationships with?

 

I know there's the mirror and photo's, but for me even though I think I look attractive sometimes in the mirror, there are other times where I feel that I'm not that nice looking.

 

Then as for photographs there are some where I think I look very attractive but others where I think I look very ugly. I've noticed that a lot of other people can really vary on how they look in photo's too.

 

Then since because I have had girls call me ugly, and reject me, and the fact that I've never experienced even being flirted with, it seems that if anything it's probably more likely that I'm unattractive, even though I like to try and be positive and try and convince myself that I do look attractive.

 

I guess if I could get girlfriends then I'd at least be able to go off the attractivness of them in general and then have an idea of how or how not attractive I am.

 

I just wish I could know once and for all whether I am attractive or not. Because if I knew I was attractive, that'd feel great. And if I knew that I was ugly, well, at least I'd know and then I'd be able to start to try and accept it and move on from it.

 

So, basically, even if I can attract a woman, I've got absolutley no idea of what kind of league I could attract. For example, I've got no idea whether I would just look like an absolute fool or not if I were to try chatting up a really attractive woman.

[fral945]

Here’s the way I see it. Your mother and father found each other attractive enough to produce you. So (assuming you have a mother and father) it’s likely your physical makeup is attractive to someone (though maybe not as universally attractive).

 

I learned a lot about physical attraction through online dating in this respect. I noticed there was a pattern to the girls that viewed me (physically speaking). They tended to have similar physical characteristics (facial features, body shape (not necessarily weight), etc.). It's actually helped me better determine (before I even approach a woman) whether she might find me physically attractive or not.

 

Assuming you’re not severely overweight or disfigured in any way, I think for most people it’s just a certain combination of physical traits (facial features, body shape, etc.) they find attractive. You likely either have them or you don’t. You can alter your weight but you can't really change you general body shape or facial features significantly without surgery of some sort. And I think those are what draw the opposite sex to you the most (physically speaking).

[JamesM]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

 

Having said that, there are a number of people who are beautiful in anyone's eyes.

 

Here is the thing....if you focus on your physical beauty as the measuring stick, then you will never be happy. Even those I consider beautiful have parts of them that they consider ugly.

 

What you will notice is that beauty is enhanced by personality and attitude. There is a girl who I know that I have always thought is beautiful, and yet one day I looked at her and said to my wife, "When you take the time and really look at her, she doesn't fit the description of beautiful. Yet when she smiles at you or me, she gives you the feeling that everything will turn out right. She has a way of making you feel as if you are the most important person in the world. And her optimism is catchy."

 

Beauty is NOT just physical. Personality can turn the ugliest person in the most beautiful person, and it can turn the most beautiful person into an evil hag.

 

So...my point is....some will always say you are nice looking and others will say you are not. Sometimes you will think it and other times you will not. What your focus should be on is...how can I strive to be the most enjoyable person to be around? And the best way is to seek every possible way to make the other person feel wonderful and beautiful.

[shadowplay]

Here’s the way I see it. Your mother and father found each other attractive enough to produce you. So (assuming you have a mother and father) it’s likely your physical makeup is attractive to someone (though maybe not as universally attractive).

 

 

That's an idealistic way of looking at it, but unfortunately not very accurate. You have to consider that many people "settle." People generally date and marry those who are close to them in physical attractiveness. Beggars can't be choosers, so people who are deemed unattractive by societal standards will have fewer options about whom they can date. This means that people who are less attractive have to broaden their range of what they find attractive in the opposite sex. By the same token people who are attractive tend to be more selective about whom they find attractive. They can afford to be.

 

Another factor is that two attractive people can have ill-matched physical traits that don't combine well in their offspring. Take Demi Moore and Bruce Willis, for example.

[lonelysoulja]

I've had similar issues...about trying to figure out "my league". Some days I think I'm the world's ugliest mofo, and have absolutely no right to approach a girl because that would be offensive to her. But that is such warped thinking, it's not even funny. Forget all of that stuff, and get some "game"...i.e. personality....

 

Because really as a guy worrying too much about your looks is just a waste of time. James is right, you have to focus on being an "enjoyable person to be around".

 

Traditionally women have been far more forgiving about a man's looks than the other way around. Although, I suspect this is changing.

 

But really above all else project confidence....women love that and will overlook a few flaws if a man is confident.

 

I know it's hard not to be so self-conscious because I struggle with the same thing.