lonelycowboy61 Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Ok heres the situation. i'm 23 and shes 30. shes married and seperated from her husband as of june. i met her on august first. ever since we've been attached at the hip together. its been the most wonderful relationship i've ever been in. we spent every weekend together and a lot of time together during the week. but some problems did come up. we were having to keep our relationship on the low because she felt her family would judge her for dating before being legally divorced. another issue is that i just got out of the Army after serving on active duty. i chose to do that first and go to college after. she feels that she wants a man with a college degree who's already established in his career. however, she also feels that she married for that reason in the first place not for love and is now divorcing because of it. last friday she told me that she is no longer ready to be in a serious relationship. that she feels its too much too fast after just getting out of a marriage. she tells me that she wants to date other people but not be in a relationship. she does not want to screw other men either. she just feels that she's not ready to be in a serious commited relationship yet. a few days after she broke up with me she goes on a date with a guy. she told me about it and said she couldnt stop thinking about me and compared him to me, saying he didnt do the little things that i did and she missed that. she went on another date with him and she got drunk. she said he drove her home and brought her up to her apartment. he tried kissing her and she said she turned her head. said he didnt smell like me, he wasnt me, and she couldnt do it. she said she asked him to leave. the next day she calls and asks me to come down. she told me about it and started crying saying she couldnt stop thinking about me and didnt want to see him anymore. so she calls him and tells him that, and he txted her and she said she still loved me and needed to figure out what she wanted. so now shes still at the point where she doesnt want to be in a serious relationship but we still talk everyday even if its just for a few minutes. she says she loves me and just feels that now isnt the right time for us. she asks me to give her time to figure out what she wants and to have some time on her own after her marriage and that when she wants a serious relationship, she wants it to be with me. so i'm looking to here from ppl in my similar situations and see what ya'll have to say about it. i love her more than anything and would do anything for her. what should i do? do i give her space? should i date other ppl? why does she feel like she needs to go on dates and be flirtatious? i dont understand why she isnt happy being with me like i am with her. any thoughts on this would be appreciated. and i'm looking for intelligent insight. if you have none to offer please dont waste my time. this is a really big deal for me and i have no one to talk to about this. thanks to those of you who do respond honestly.
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Ah, another narcissistic cakeeater. Classic. What to do? Save yourself a lot of time, trouble and heartbreak - cut this emotional cancer of a woman out of your life, and work on getting your head and heart back together. Why does she need to date? Because she is an emotional black hole who needs constant and varied validation from a variety of sources.
EmperorR Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 When someone wants space you gve it to them And never look back. Why would you want anyone like this anyways whose basically saying your not good enough for her.
Author lonelycowboy61 Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 who needs constant and varied validation from a variety of sources. so what kind of validation do you speak of? why do you think i dont provider her with that? and please done call her cancer. shes still the woman i love. no need to insult her.
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I wasn't insulting her so much as describing her place in your heart. Cancer isn't an insult. It is a fact of life, for good or for bad. You won't realize it until it is all said and done, but once your heart is riddled and broken you'll see it clearly enough. Why does she need validation from a variety of sources? Grogster put it best, so I'll quote him: A spouse's (or any significant other's) praise loses value over time. Repetition/familiarity breeds a deflationary spiral, a bland acceptance. An intimate stranger's praise gives more bang for the buck. --grogster She needs to feel sexy, wanted, attractive and desirable. Objectively. She is at the age where she is feeling panic over her age and date-ability, and wants to know she still has value on the market so to speak. Why can't she get it all from you? Because she isn't interested in being attractive, sexy, wanted and desirable from you. She is interested in being attractive, sexy, wanted and desirable to males in general. The more men that see her that way, the better she feels about herself. The only time she will commit to you is when she feels she has run out of other options. Then, when other options come up she'll cheat on you. Its like clockwork, a well creased script, etc. Very, very predictable - and there is always someone who wants to think that their person is 'different' because they love them so much. It is only when that love fades into anger and acceptance that you begin to see just how mundane and alike she is to every other woman out there who is just like her. They call them "attention whores" - it sounds ugly, and it is ugly, but trust me: eventually you'll see it for the truth that it is. You want to test that theory? Ask her to stop dating other guys and see how far that gets you. She'll dump you before she gives up that attention from other men. Either that or she will stop and then proceed to make you very, very sorry that you even asked.
starzphalling Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 i'm sorry man. to me this just isn't going to work. i don't know if she's doing a whole "i'm still young, and not tied down" thing, or if you (don't hate me) were a rebound thing. but i think its just too early for her to be sane yet. i really think some people try to seriously date too soon after another serious relationship. in the end if she wants to she'll come back, but don't hold your breath. it hurts, and it sucks...but its something you may just have to do.
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