KissTheRain Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 OK, its been over 3 months, as far as I can remember, it ended in beginning October, and we met a few times after but ofcourse nothing worked. Now its over 10 days NC today except for a New year text from her yesterday. This morning I was down with the flu, and got back to the city after vacation, I don't know why I broke down today, and yes its ok to cry so cried, for a few hours, and then gave in and wrote an email to her telling her my sob story about how much I missed her etc. Ofcouse I should not have done that and I am posting here to get shouted at so that I follow NC again, I am sorry. But no for some reason I don't feel horrible, I feel lighter, I know she doesn't care and is happy leading her life but I feel lighter to simply write my feelings and send her and email, as it was me who last told her not to get in touch with me. I dont know why after 3 months I am missing her like this? I mean I know I have lost her, is it knowing that she is happy/happier without me, that is making me feel this way? Or is it that I am weaker than her infact very weak that I cant even follow NC over a period of time? I dont know what to do, I dont want to break down all over again, I was doing much better before leaving for vacation, I thought I would no longer post on the forum, but here I am moping and crying again about somehting thatis long gone. I dont know was it the dreams of her last night or what it was but it is terrible The worst of all is I again had horrible sucidial thoughts agian but thank God they quickly went away. This is going on for far too long now, I feel I need some kinda help. OK you guys can read about my ups and downs in my other thread if needed: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t170442/
BCCA Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 The holidays are tough when you're recently single. You don't have your special someone to kiss on new years, and it just starts the year off on kind of a sour note. Everyone goes through bouts of depression from time to time, but its how you handle them that makes all the difference. The first thing you need to do is actually begin to accept some of the things you said. You know she doesn't care, but yet you sent her an email of your feelings. Listen, I've never in my entire life heard of someone doing that for any reason other than that they were trying to take another chance that this latest attempt would actually be the one that swayed her back to you. You can convince yourself all you want that you feel better now, but how will you really feel if she doesnt respond, or sends some generic/mean email? I know deep down inside you know that you sent this because you miss her and youre lonely, but you know that's not the way it works. No one changes their mind over a sappy email. To be honest, she might even be annoyed, and take it as a guilt trip. Listen to me, I'm telling you this for your own good: man the f**k up. Don't let this BS destroy you, it isn't worth it. Someday, this will be a distant memory, and you'll be a stronger person because of it. Its ok to cry, but not about this anymore. Dont let yourself fall into a trap of feeling sorry for yourself. Accept things for what they are, and just worry about doing whatever you want to for a while. Someday, you'll be open again, and love will find its way. Until then, let it hurt, but suck it up and just get on with life. Im sorry man, trust me, I know how you feel.
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