hoartiosans Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I know if moaned and groaned about my story before, but if you forget or never heard...here it is... I was with this girl for a month (not long, I know), my first girlfriend. We had a complicated relationship, she was a member of this church that disapproved of their members dating outside of the denomination (She told me this after our first date), we eventually worked it out, which meant us being a secret to anyone who was a part of her church...a lot of which went to our college so we couldn't be all pda...anyway, we ignored it and for a month, we had a lot of fun, we were really happy. But less than a week after I went home for winter break, and the greatest day of my life, we had spent the entire day together, a really intimate couple of hours, it was the day I realized I really loved her, I was happy, so happy...so, after no fights or arguments or disagreements, she dumped me, saying she didn't feel it was God's plan for us to be together, with no other real explanation other than saying, "I need to be with a minister" (I was at a loss when she said that). I was heartbroken, I felt like everything she ever said to me was a lie, I accused her of not really loving me, then she told me she still did, which angered me, because if she really loved me then why is she breaking up with me...it just came completely out of no where, she did this a day after telling me she loved me, It was just so immature of her to only think about how she felt for a day...less than that really...she didn't even at least try to talk to me, she didn't give me a chance to prove her wrong. It's just killing me to think of her with someone else, I can't stand to be without her. So after NC for almost 2 weeks, and being broken up for almost 3 weeks... What do I do? Please can anyone tell me, I want her back, I need her back, Is there anyway you think I can get her back? Or should I just move on, and let this go? I don't know what to do...
GoneButNotForgotten Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 A) You don't need her back! B) Sounds like that was her excuse for buckling under social pressure. C) It could be that she just thought it wasn't going to work out and that was the easiest way to let you down. Sorry dude but it sounds like you have to man up. I know that is not what you want to hear. But you do have to start somewhere. You need to except it and start to move on.
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Dude wake the hell up she's insane. Are you insane too? Because you now appear to me as being insane. You may need true psychological evaluation at this point. You are NOT using your head.
Author hoartiosans Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 I know, I think I'd be better off too, this was not what I really wanted from the relationship...She changed quickly, I'm in love with the girl I knew before the breakup, and I don't want to let her go, I don't know where this girl came from. When I first started dating her, I knew her church was weird, but the way she ignored that stupid rule, she seemed normal, even expressing to me at times that she thought some of the little rules in her church were a little weird, so I thought, well she's normal so...well, now she's doing this and I can't let go, I'm constantly remembering stuff, and I think I'm just not letting myself let go...I'm at home right now, bored, got nothing to do, cept think about her...I hate it, I need to get back to school, meet some new girls or something, clear my head. I know you guys are right...I think I'm just having trouble accepting that I have to move on.
BCCA Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Well, I think you know what to do, you just dont want to. Let it go. It was a month. First girlfriend or not, that's hardly past the initial dating stages. Whatever reason she had, if she broke up with you after a month, she really wasn't ever that into you. I don't think you can ever get her back because I don't think you ever had her. You'll learn, a month in the world of dating is nothing. If things aren't going well that quickly, trust me, it's doomed.
Author hoartiosans Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 I'm not disagreeing on any particular point, but I don't think I would of been as suprised if things weren't going well, but they were, she never said or did anything that would make me think otherwise...maybe I just sucked at reading girls, but she seemed like she loved me, she told me she loved me first, when I tried to take it slow, she sped it up, she was fine, happy even...it's just like at the drop of a hat, on a feeling she decided to end it, I mean aren't you supposed to give these things a chance before you call them off?
BCCA Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 If its worthwhile, you give them a chance. If not, you dont. She didnt think it was worth it. And to be honest, you cant develope that strong of a connection in one month's time if she was ready to call it quits. I know this is your first girlfriend, but like I said before, it was a month - if she walked away after only that long, she wasn't the one for you. Just take whatever learning experiences from it you can and move on.
Author hoartiosans Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 If I'm being perfectly logical, I know we probably wouldn't of worked...We just were a lot alike, had a lot in common, got along great, had great chemistry, all sorts of things that attract people to each other in the first place, but if I think about it, our religious differences probably doomed us from the beginning, she just realized it before I did, and decided to call it quits...honestly, I had been worried about those differences for a while now, but I wanted to give us a chance, see where we would go, and things were going great, so I was content, but we hadn't gotten to the point where we would face those problems (believe me, I have no dillusions about one month being a long relationship) but it's obvious now, that she was unwilling to face them.
Author hoartiosans Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 I'm overreacting to all of this aren't I...regardless, I feel like crap...
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Hell yes you are overreacting, on a massive scale. MASSIVE scale. You dated what, 30 days? What the hell?
Author hoartiosans Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 HA! no, 34...sorry, just kidding...keep in mind thats the longest relationship I've ever had (not that, that's an excuse)...Right now, I think I'm in the, she's the greatest girl ever, stage...
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Ok time to hit psychology mode. Answer these please: How old are you? How old is she? How often did you see each other? What did you dislike most about her? Can you drive? Can she drive?
Author hoartiosans Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 Uhm, Ok... I'm 19 She's 18 Almost every day (minus sat&sun, other than every now & then) Not, much...but she never opened up (& her church is crazy) Yes (But no car) Yes
RM0123 Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I also would like to know how old you are? I know it is never easy being dumped and especially when it is out of the blue. But I find it hard to believe that you both were in love with eachother in such a short time. You may have both been attracted to eachother but love is a very powerful thing that develops over time. I would recommended letting her go. Especially since it was such a short relationship. Think about people back in the old days. They used to date people before they went steady. You basically were just dating and she realized she didn't want to go steady.
Author hoartiosans Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 Yeah, I know that, I was expecting us to start up something serious when she dumped me out of the blue like this...I really liked her...Man, My mind's just F'd up right now.
Author hoartiosans Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 Ok time to hit psychology mode. Answer these please: How old are you? How old is she? How often did you see each other? What did you dislike most about her? Can you drive? Can she drive? I'm 19 She's 18 Almost every day (minus sat&sun, other than every now & then) Not, much...but she never opened up (& her church is crazy) Yes (But no car) Yes Okay, And?...I'm curious now...
malibustacydoll Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Rule #1- never date anyone with such a crazy rule as not being able to date someone who isnt part of their church!
Author hoartiosans Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 Yeah, I think dating her may of been a mistake on my part...I think we were doomed from the start...
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