Allie1977 Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I was with my ex boyfriend for 3 years. We lived together a year and tried a long distance relationship for 2 years. It then ended. That was 2 and a half years ago. We both moved on, well I tried to and have been in a few relationships since that have failed to work. We stayed in contact on and off for the past 2 and 1/2 years. He had been in a serious relationship for this time and I found out it ended a few months back. We talked about seeing each other and I went to see him and flew to the other side of the country a few weeks ago. He said 'how will we know if there is a future unless we see each other?'. While I was there we had a couple awkward moments (I got emotional as I have stong feelings) but it was very easy to be with him. I found out that I do feel very strongly towards him. He has told me that he isn’t ready to make any decisions. I have no idea where I stand. During our relationship I made life difficult for him, I later found out I was suffering depression and was not a happy person. I have worked hard on this since this time. I guess I don’t know what to do. Does he have feelings towards me? I know I really would like to pursue something here and as he is so fresh out of a relationship I do not want to put any pressure on him. I don’t want to scare him away. Any help would be appreciated? I have told him how I feel and not sure if I am just meant to wait this out or just move on again? Thanks for reading!
BCCA Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Did he break up with you? How have you stayed in contact (who has initiated it, how, etc)?
Author Allie1977 Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 BCCA, I was finding the long distance very difficult (was not in a happy place back then and so this made it very difficult). I was just about to fly out to visit him when he said it was bad timing. I think it was the final straw for me at the time and we agreed to end things. We had no contact for the next 4 months, he messaged me online, texted and when he was back in town 8 months later he asked if we could catch up. Since then he has called and so have I. We hadn't had contact for the last 6 months until a month ago when I found out he was single (and I had also recently become single). It always appeared we still had feelings for each other, but we were with other people at the time and I guess it just didnt seem possible. I guess I was surprised by the feelings that were there (from my point of view) and just wanted to know what I should do here....
BCCA Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Well, I have to ask, is the distance still there? Because if it is, you're only lying to yourself thinking it won't bother you again. I think sometimes, when we think back on a relationship, we tend to skim over all the bad things. Did you contact him when you found out he was single? Who broke the 6 month stalemate?
Author Allie1977 Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 Yes, the distance is still there and will be for a while to come. The only difference is I am prepared to move whereas before it wasnt possible. He is in the defence forces and until recently has been moving around every year. I saw him online a month ago and started chatting and we both had no idea that the other was single. We then talked on the phone and decided to see each other in person. We realised that if things were to happen we needed to start again....but my dliemma is that I do feel alot and I don't know what to do now! I know his relationship he had was rather serious in which they bought a house together and I want him to work out if he wants this or is it just a rebound? But in the meantime I am anxious and not sure whether I am meant to put things on hold.
BCCA Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Trust me, moving for the sake of a relationship thats already hit the skids once is not a good idea. It probably won't solve everything. To be honest, distance only enhances the problems that are already there. Can you really handle going through the distance being there for a while to come or are you settling for it because you think its your best current option? As for him, he probably knows where you stand. I'm sure, from what you've told me, he knows that you're interested in giving it a try. I would leave the ball in his court, he'll let you know if we wants to give it a chance.
Author Allie1977 Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 Thanks for your responses BCCA! I am already thinking all of those things, I've certainly analysed it to death! I think the past is certainly clouding some thoughts and I was hoping it wouldn't. Things are very different to what they were in the past. I truly don't believe I am settling, I have never felt this way about another guy and I feel if I just move on I could me missing out on something special. Thanks for confirming my thoughts, I think I've made it clear to him how I feel...I guess I am meant to continue on with life and see what happens! I guess he will let me know either way given time.
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