Cherbear Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I recently started hanging out with this guy Bob in my class at grad school. He's really smart and he's been tutoring me for the past month. A week ago, he all of a sudden just turned cold. He's not getting on aim any more, no response to my text msg, etc. 2 days later, he asked to get together. After being asked why he did that, he finally told me that he was starting to really like me and since he's transferring next year nothing can ever happen anyway so he decided to keep his distance. Then i asked why he came around after 2 days and he said avoiding me didn't work well for him b/c he did like me a lot. He apologized for like a millions times for having disappeared on me like that. We talked and we decided to be really good friends b/c we do like each other a lot. Everything seems cool. Now he pulls the same trick on me again. I sent him a short email "could you pls stop messing with my head and tell me what is going on?" No response. I just don't understand. I thought we talked and problem solved. We are just gonna be good friends for another semester until he transfers. And he knows that i got really upset about him not talking to me. And last time he apologized a lot for doing that to me, like he really means it. I don't understand. What happened? I texted him on new year's eve. I said" Happy new year, Bob. I wish you every success in everything you want to achieve in 2009." He texted back an hr later saying "Same to you, Cherbear. You really are a wonderful person and deserve all the best.." What do you think he meant by this? We haven't had any contact ever since. Should I initiate contact again? I don't wanna come off as clingy but I miss him like crazy and not knowing what he is doing and why he is doing this is driving me nuts. If he didn't blow me off like this, he really is a great guy. Any opinion would be deeply appreciated.
fromfaraway Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 From what I gather from your post, I feel there is more to the story. I feel that he has issues that have nothing to do with you. I have known more than one person who likes someone so much, yet they go from warm to cold in cycles.... The bottom line is that in cases like these a person has two choices, in my opinion. Investing one's heart and energy, knowing fully well that the outcome could be very likely very catastrophic ( a heartbreak.) I personally think that one could choose that path, but I do believe that the consequences on self esteem and perception of self and reality could be put in jeoperdy. The second option is to convince oneself is that communication is very important. Turning cold on someone with no explaination is no way of communication, in my opinion. Keeping a distance and trying to move on is a very viable and reasonable in this situation. Just, PLEASE, avoid one thing: hoping that he will change because he likes you. It has nothing to do with liking someone. I truly wish you the very best!
BCCA Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 To me, if someone is important to you and you care what they think of you, you dont blow them off. It sounds like he just isnt that into you, but doesnt want to completely burn a bridge just in case. Also, whenever I see things like 'you deserve all the best', I take it to mean that I should look elsewhere for it.
Author Cherbear Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 To me, if someone is important to you and you care what they think of you, you dont blow them off. It sounds like he just isnt that into you, but doesnt want to completely burn a bridge just in case. Also, whenever I see things like 'you deserve all the best', I take it to mean that I should look elsewhere for it. He told me he was really starting to like me a week ago. Has he changed his feelings so fast? I mean, when he pulled the disappearing act the 1st time, I told him I was really upset b/c i thought he must have started to dislike me. He said "yea, even though it's quite the opposite feeling." I don't know if it's b/c of the same reason this time. However, him saying me deserving the best makes me wonder maybe he already has a gf?? This is driving me crazy. I've been thinking about him 24/7 ever since he stopped talking to me. And it's been a whole week.
Author Cherbear Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 It's been 9 days since we last had a conversation. I think it's enough time for him to sort himself out. He's not coming back, is he?
redant Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I would try not to put too much faith in him. People can turn on a dime. You are getting closer than a friend and he could be stringing you along, because he likes your attention, but does not want anything more.
dreamergrl Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I think that while he may be interested, he put it best when he told you that because he's moving, nothing will become of it. Perhaps agreeing to be friends was his way of letting you down easy. Also, have you considered that maybe he's interested in someone else, and keeping you on the back burner in case it doesn't follow through? Either way, I think it's time to move on.
Author Cherbear Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 Also, have you considered that maybe he's interested in someone else, and keeping you on the back burner in case it doesn't follow through? Either way, I think it's time to move on. Actually I have thought about that. That's part of the reason I don't wanna contact him any more. I don't wanna make a fool out of myself if the reason he's doing this is b/c he has someone else. But then still, I would like a friendship with him. I really like him. Like I could like him like a really good friend. But I think he might think I only want a relationship with him? I don't know how to make him realize I'm ok with just being friends. I just want us to be still in each other's life.
dreamergrl Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Actually I have thought about that. That's part of the reason I don't wanna contact him any more. I don't wanna make a fool out of myself if the reason he's doing this is b/c he has someone else. But then still, I would like a friendship with him. I really like him. Like I could like him like a really good friend. But I think he might think I only want a relationship with him? I don't know how to make him realize I'm ok with just being friends. I just want us to be still in each other's life. That's great that your willing to just accept a friendship, but is that wise if you don't know what's going on on his part? If all of a sudden he turns around and decides he likes you, and wants something with you, then turns around and does the same no contact crap, will you be able to cope with that? Or will your feelings grow, and just end up getting hurt?
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