how do I stop myself from caring that he wants nothing to do with me?

[lost85]

OK so my ex dumped me 3 months ago, it was horrible and then a month later he came back and said he wants to make it work etc.. I was so happy. He said we shouldnt see each other that much and talk a lot for another month cos he was busy studying for exams. I however decided to call everyday to talk...how else were we supposed to fix our relationship and move forward? Besides it pissed me off how he could go out with all of our mutual friends but when it came to me he wanted to take things no where.

 

Then his friend died out of the blue and I backed off but checked on him everyday. He told me he really liked that I was doing that. After a week I did bring up the topic of "US" and how I really miss him and want us to work towards being together. He told me he does'nt want to be with me and that he was only talking to me as a friend and that he's met a girl (at the friend's funeral) and that she has been with him everyday and helping him thru it all. I was so upset and angry and I felt really cheated as though he was leading me on and I cringe now thinking of the way I acted : I CALLED AND TEXTED HIM EVERYDAY MORE THAN 4 TIMES A DAY FOR A MONTH. I know I am really ashamed! I just could'nt believe he was doing this to me. And friends have told me that this girl isn't even interested in him.

 

I just needed the closure and I wanted him to explain to my face why he came back and then within two days decided that he did'nt want to get back together. How could he play with me like that? Im so broken now and I have left him alone now for 3 weeks. Its been such a long, long 3 weeks.

 

I think of him everyday and I wonder why he hates me so much when all I want is for him to explain to me why this had to happen. He has deleted me from MSN and FB and friends are scared to bring me up in conversation to him.

 

How could he stop caring abt me just like that? How do I stop caring that he hates me? How do I move on? I was desperately to call him and just ask him how he is? But he will just think I want to get back together again.

 

How did it all come to this?

[Riffmeister General]

That's terrible. Here's what you do.

 

Go NC. Leave him alone. That stops him hating you (which I really doubt he does, by the way), and will eventually stop you from thinking about him. He's done you a favour by deleting you from FB etc, so you don't have to go through the pain of doing it yourself. You'll see, it'll all become clear in the future it's for the greater good. Easy to say, not easy to believe, I know.

 

You deserve better than someone who strings you along like that and then doesn't appreciate your efforts to console him when his friend died. Sounds to me like you haven't done anything wrong.

[Bella Jordan]

RG is right - you HAVE to go NC. He misled you as to the terms of the relationship and proceeded to string you along to serve his own purpose. And while deleting you from MSN and Facebook was a passive-aggressive maneuver on his part, it really is in your best interest. The last thing you need is a painful reminder and excuse to continually wonder what he's doing now, who he's with, etc.

 

Don't worry about explanations for his behavior for now. Concentrate on taking care of yourself and moving forward with your life. It will be difficult, but in the long-run you'll be glad you did. Don't neglect your feelings to save his.

[emotionalydistraugt]

No Contact. It's hard, it sucks, and it's like going through hell. If he wants to talk he'll call. You dont seem like you did anything wrong in the first place so he surely doesnt hate you.

But he seems to be moving on and you should too. The facebook and msn thing was a blessing in disguise for you even if you dont realize it right now. It prevents you from pining over him and looking at him from afar while he lives his life. You dont want to do that.

[lost85]

I have had NC with him for 3 weeks now because he told he has had enough of me calling him and not leaving him alone. He is going through a lot of stuff at the moment and his life is changing and I just wish he would let me be there for him.

 

I can understand the fact that I did'nt leave him alone and I was hounding him but I just did'nt understand why we could'nt work things out. The last time I spoke to him he told me he did'nt love me anymore and he was'nt going to dump the other girl for me (mind you a close friend told me that they were'nt even going out). That shows how badly he wants me out of his life. He would go as far as making up a fake relationship up to hurt me.

 

Now I spend my days thinking if he'll ever realise he misses me.

 

I feel so bad that I want to call and apologise for hounding him but after everything that he has said to me, I do not believe that he is the same person anymore. The person I was in love with does'nt exist anymore.

 

 

I will persist with the NC. I hope one day he will return to me because even after everything I still believe we are meant to be.

[marlena]

Now I spend my days thinking if he'll ever realise he misses me.

 

 

 

If he is ever to miss you, it will be when he stops hearing from you, when he knows absolutely nothing about you and what is going on in your life. You can only miss what you don't have.

 

So, take everyone's advice and disappear from his life altogether even if it means crying yourself to death until there are no more tears and your heart hardens. Get angry at the way he has mistreated you and see how this behaviour reflects on his own character (or lack thereof).

 

I see this happening all the time and it's happened to me too. People who ask for a second chance and then do nothing to fix what was wrong with the relationship, do nothing to improve the relationship. In fact, they go ahead and do the complete opposite. Flaky and immature is what they are. Their words mean nothing, carry absolutely no weight.

 

You can do it. If you appreciate yourself enough and know your worth, you can most definitely write him off.... if not right away, in time.

 

Good luck.

[lost85]

Thanks guys. Your advice really makes sense, too bad its not as easy to do!

 

I have made it this far with 3 weeks NC...I guess it should get easier from now onwards. I think I should stop talking to mutual friends as well hoping that they will mention his name. But if I stop talking to them I wont know anything about him!

 

I guess if he really cares he will call eventually and I will wait however long it takes. But in the mean time I'm going to enjoy single life..it isn't that bad!

 

TAke care guys