kizik Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 You and your ex-GF or BF have split, right? It's hell, you miss them, you think about their smile and all that BS. You can't live without them. But let's be honest with ourselves. It's nice not having to consult them on every little decision. In fact, as you go about your life, you realize that you can do just fine without them! Their constant "help" (no, don't do that, bad idea, why did you do that? can't you do better? I wouldn't have done that, you're stupid, how could you, I can't believe you just said that) is gone. How do you feel? As you continue to live your life autonomously, my guess is that, while you miss them, you are beginning to realize that you can exist just fine without them. In fact, you're more confident in your decisions, you trust yourself, you are beginning to come back into your own. Does it feel good to live your life the way you want to? Or are you miserable as ever, having seen nothing positive out of all this?
Riffmeister General Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Agree with some of that, not with all though. I never had an argument with her, and she was so laid back, letting me do as I pleased, that I have nothing bitter to hold on to. There have been positives tho. I can go out and snowboard all day without having to come home for a videocall (ok, I did enjoy them, but I'm clutching at straws here!) I trust and understand my intuition now. I can travel the rest of my visa without worrying about being here at this date cos she's coming out to visit. There is more freedom, I'm too raw to appreciate it now though. In time, I will.
starzphalling Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 im utterly misserable.....but then again your post doesn't apply to me so much. i'm extremely hard headed and kinda do what i want....actually it was a joke between me and my ex...whenever we didn't exactly agree on something one of us ended the conversation with "I do what i want!" (it really wasn't mean in anyway...i guess it seems really bad if you don't know me lol..but trust me it was a joke...) i don't know, maybe its just me, I don't date people that I want to change, so I'm there to support them in their decisions...unless you know its "hey I want to do heroin"...then by the time they look up because I haven't answered yet, im in the parking lot starting my car. i tell my partner what I want to do and if they don't agree, or want to fight me on it they can kiss off. i've always been one of those people who learn from their mistakes because you know...just because you have a medical degree doesn't mean you know its infected! i never tend to listen to anyone else, i often run my head into walls...but its worked so far...and i've learned a lot...so bah...i don't know...i think im just typing to keep my mind off other things...im getting boring...bye.
Author kizik Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 There is more freedom, I'm too raw to appreciate it now though. In time, I will. I think that's a good point. This thread may be "a bit too soon" for some of you newly broken up. Though the point of it is to say that you'll realize (some of you, I hope) just how oppressed and stifled and shut up and ignored and criticized you were, over time. But hey, maybe everything was great and you split up for no reason whatsoever.
starzphalling Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 lol kiz, i know what you're saying. my previous ex was an ass, a pure donkey. who did try to tell me what to do, and that decisions i made were bad blah blah blah, i was glad to get rid of that when we broke up. so much better when you have to defend yourself to one less person. I mean really, where do people get off on thinking they can tell you what to do..unless its the police and they're telling you to put the gun down, but you know what i mean. If someone thinks they need to change you or doesn't like what you do, why are they with you I mean common. stupid people are everywhere. well now im just irritated thinking of my ex once removed? i don't know what else to call him lol.
not_a_happy_camper Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I think that's a good point. This thread may be "a bit too soon" for some of you newly broken up. Though the point of it is to say that you'll realize (some of you, I hope) just how oppressed and stifled and shut up and ignored and criticized you were, over time. But hey, maybe everything was great and you split up for no reason whatsoever. i realise how ignored and criticized i was...................but i miss the good times, they were great when we had them, and for so long. the bad times were towards the end....................and they were freakin bad! hoping i'll realise sometime soon how free i am. because you do make a good point.
EmperorR Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Another excellent thread by Kizik. It's funny but it feels good sometimes to be single, not tied down to anything. This year I'm going to travel to so much places, just me by myself, no one holding me down. I don't mean to use this term, but sometimes it felt like I was living in bondage when i was with my ex. Now eh if I feel like coming home at 3am I will, if I feel like buying a new videogame I will, if I feel like going on a vacation to the tropics in a few months I will:). Maybe this summer I'll go backpacking in europe or whatever, I have nothing holding me back, ah.
not_a_happy_camper Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Maybe this summer I'll go backpacking in europe or whatever, I have nothing holding me back, ah. go to poland and slovenia!!! they're beautiful!!!
belladonna Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I didn't think that my last ex was holding me back as everything was casual and laid back. But now that I think about it..there were plenty of times when we had plans to do something together and all we could do was hang out at one of our houses, because he had no money to ever go out and do something. Now I've been going to bars, clubs and concerts with no worries about having to always pay for someone
lilmrcheerful Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I can relate to all this. Sometimes even when you are with someone you can feel like you're single because if they are not showing you any care or attention then you may as well just stay friends. Another thing you can add to the list is the fact that you are no longer responsible for that person in any way shape or form which sometimes is a huge burden in itself. Being in a relationship (especially if living together) means you are ultimately responsible for making sure they are OK. I am not saying that you must control that, but I meant that by default you worry about them and that they are getting all their needs met, so you're constantly worrying about them and putting them first on most occasions, that is, if you really cared for them you would. Sometimes you have to provide ideas, whether it's to do with food or entertainment, going out or socialising, you have to ensure that all these things do not remain stale so you're always having to constantly plan ahead otherwise bordem sets in, however, if on your own you can afford to be a little lazy and less pressured, you can get up whenever you want and if you didn't feel like doing something you can just pass it off and postpone it a few days later rather than having to do it when you specifically planned it with your partner even if you didn't feel like doing it but didn't want to let them down so you do it and put up with feeling awful. These things seem minor or maybe people not even thought of it in this way but it does make a difference.
Angel1111 Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 That was a big reason why I got out of my past relationships - because they just couldn't let me be me. I know that sounds childish but I can't stand being told what to do and to be monitored. I don't do that to the person I'm with, and I don't want them doing it to me. But I've yet to meet a man who can do this. I do miss companionship but not to the point that I'll be with someone who tries to control me. I believe there are relationships out there where neither controls the other, and their lives just mesh very nicely. That's what I would like, and that's the only type of relationship I can stand. Now, don't misunderstand, I don't mean that we're roommates who just sleep together. What I mean is, if he wants to golf, he doesn't ask my permission, but he does give me the courtesy of letting me know he's going and checking to make sure we don't already have plans. There's always some give and take, but for the most part, you shouldn't feel like you've sold your soul to be in the relationship. It's been my experience that most people want to hold you back from enjoying life and from being yourself. I just can't do it and now that I've been alone for so long, it would take a person who thinks like me to make it work. The sadness I feel from ending things with xMM is because he was very much like me in that sense. But it wasn't meant to be, and at this point, I've pretty much concluded that I'll be by myself from now on. Not my first choice, but there are worse choices....
Author kizik Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 That was a big reason why I got out of my past relationships - because they just couldn't let me be me. I know that sounds childish but I can't stand being told what to do and to be monitored. I don't do that to the person I'm with, and I don't want them doing it to me. But I've yet to meet a man who can do this. I do miss companionship but not to the point that I'll be with someone who tries to control me. I believe there are relationships out there where neither controls the other, and their lives just mesh very nicely. That's what I would like, and that's the only type of relationship I can stand. Now, don't misunderstand, I don't mean that we're roommates who just sleep together. What I mean is, if he wants to golf, he doesn't ask my permission, but he does give me the courtesy of letting me know he's going and checking to make sure we don't already have plans. There's always some give and take, but for the most part, you shouldn't feel like you've sold your soul to be in the relationship. It's been my experience that most people want to hold you back from enjoying life and from being yourself. I just can't do it and now that I've been alone for so long, it would take a person who thinks like me to make it work. The sadness I feel from ending things with xMM is because he was very much like me in that sense. But it wasn't meant to be, and at this point, I've pretty much concluded that I'll be by myself from now on. Not my first choice, but there are worse choices.... I always love your posts, Angel. Very true and insightful stuff here.
Author kizik Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 Another excellent thread by Kizik. It's funny but it feels good sometimes to be single, not tied down to anything. This year I'm going to travel to so much places, just me by myself, no one holding me down. I don't mean to use this term, but sometimes it felt like I was living in bondage when i was with my ex. Now eh if I feel like coming home at 3am I will, if I feel like buying a new videogame I will, if I feel like going on a vacation to the tropics in a few months I will:). Maybe this summer I'll go backpacking in europe or whatever, I have nothing holding me back, ah. Thanks man, you sound great, got your head on straight and all. YES go travel, f*ck yeah, enjoy yourself while you still can. Some woman will claim you and then you'll miss your bachelor days...
Angel1111 Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I always love your posts, Angel. Very true and insightful stuff here. Thank you!
Recommended Posts